Jennifer Crusie's Blog: Argh Ink

Today we are at 55 ft. But no tsumani. Puts everything into perspective. Plus the dogs are on watch:

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I love living on the river. It’s like natural Valium, 24/7.

Until it rains a lot.

The river is rising and while I’m about 75% sure it’s not going to be a problem for us, it’s still exciting. At 57 feet, the river comes through the fence into our back yard; today it is at 54. (Actually, our back yard extends out a lot farther than that, but it’s at the bottom of a mini-cliff so we don’t go there.) At 61 feet, the first floor of the house has tadpoles. The Big Flood of 97 hit 65 ft and put counter-height water into the rooms that are currently my bedroom and kitchen. (No, I didn’t live here then.) So attention must be paid. read more >>

Every now and then, I’ll use an expression that my parents and grandparents used, and everybody around me will look at me as if I’m speaking in tongues because it’s so old, nobody uses it anymore. Like calling the kids Frick and Frack. Or saying, “Wish Cotton was a monkey,” one my mother’s faves. Of course another one of my mother’s faves was “Cheese, pie, and crust” (because she didn’t believe in swearing but homophones were okay), so you have to be careful when quoting my mother.

But the best one, when the kids say something snarky, is to narrow my eyes and say, “Sloooooowly I turn . . . ” It’s a very old burlesque routine, right up there with Who’s On First (“I don’t know.” “THIRD BASE”), but it’s infinitely adapatable to any situation in which you want to threaten somebody. Sweetness is now all over “Slowly I turn . . .”
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Originally, I crocheted Lani and Alastair an Angry Birds road trip game, but then they decided to get married, so it became

The Angry Birds Honeymoon Game

Players: 2

Game Pieces: 2
The Bomb Bird Hat
The Green Pigs Bra

The Rules: read more >>

1. Roommate announces Thursday night that she’s getting married on Saturday. Congratulate her. Accept when she asks you to be maid of honor. Try to remember what maid of honor does besides stand there. Roommate says they have found a great place to get married near Easton in Columbus. Tell roommate that’s a five-hour round trip with kids and you hope she has a nice time. Go back to work on vastly overdue book until the dawn breaks and kids leave for school. Roommate says they have found a place in Cincinnati to get married. Congratulate her and tell her you’ll be there. Go to sleep.

2. Wake up four hours later and realize that sick puppy is about to run out of special dog food and wedding is tomorrow. Better get a card. Drive to the vet’s. Wake up as you drive. Realize that putting on underwear does not constitute “dressed to leave the house” if dressed in striped sweats and a T-shirt and wearing houseslippers. Realize at twenty-one, this is cute; at sixty-one, assisted living is in near future. Park at vet’s. read more >>