Hell Days. I can’t write, I’m fat, I’m stupid, I can’t get out of bed. Lots of solitaire and hopelessness.
Deadline Days. I crawl out of bed, take the dogs outside and stare at the river for an hour, go back inside and work. At some point, I realize I’ve been in the same pajamas for three days and I shower. Mostly I just type and drink Diet Coke.
Normal Days. I wake up, I brush my teeth, I get dressed, I leave the house for the grocery, I come home, I type.
Professional Days. I wake up, I brush my teeth, I moisturize, I put on make-up, I comb my hair and use a curling iron, I put on underwear and on top of that something not made of jersey or flannel, I find some earrings, I wear shoes that don’t have puppy teethmarks in them, and then I go to meet someone who thinks I’m an adult.
Jen Weiner has a fabulous blog–you must read her take on the Literary Establishment and the slavish love they’re showing Oprah-dissing Jonathan Franzen–and she’s been kind enough to review Maybe This Time, too. You should go look.
You know, you think you know somebody and then they move in with you and suddenly their dark sides emerge. In the case of Lani Diane Rich, it’s particularly egregious.
First I found out about her tawdry past. We were looking at one of those gaudy unicorn illustrations, and I was making mock, and she said, “I used to collect unicorns.”
The silence stretched out and she looked up and said, “What?”
I said, “This is the kind of thing you tell people before you move in.” read more >>
Okay, the commercial is hysterical, but the guy in real life, Isaiah Mustafa? Hot, funny, smart, capable of reinventing himself, hot, funny, smart, talks about his girlfriend, hot, funny, smart, confident enough to make fun of himself, hot, funny, smart, did I mention gorgeous? Also, great sense of humor. If I wrote him, nobody would believe him. Watch:
Also, I love Ellen Degeneres.
Now I just have to figure out how to use “I’m on a horse” in real life.
Jennifer Crusie is the New York Times, USA Today, and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author of twenty-one novels, one book of literary criticism, miscellaneous articles, essays, novellas, and short stories, and the editor of three essay anthologies. She lives on the Ohio River where she often stares at the ceiling and counts her blessings.
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