There was an interesting article on Salon a while ago about how we use our tastes to define us and how limiting and ultimately dishonest it often is because we choose to advertise the things that reflect who we want to be more than who we really. At the end, the author, Megan Hustad, suggested, “Type up a shadow list of products, one that really captures you. (My list, for instance, would be: ChapStick, Kleenex, $9 bottles of red wine, pumpkin walnut muffins, Mrs. Meyer’s Dish Soap, and boy-short underwear from American Apparel.)” That shadow list is supposed to the Real You, the stuff you hide under the bed so nobody else will know you’re reading/watching/using it.
So here are five shadow things about me.
1. i wanted to see Ironman more than I ever wanted to see a Jane Austen movie or anything by Merchant-Ivory.
2. My most-visited internet site is LOLCats.
3. I have a masters in American Lit, but I’ve never finished Moby Dick, although I did finish the Cliff Notes. The book I’ve read more than any other? A tie between Heyer’s The Grand Sophy and Pratchett’s Thief of Time.
4. My favorite dessert is Snickers Ice Cream Bars. I can’t buy them because I eat the entire box the same day.
5. My favorite TV show is Burn Notice. My all time fave: Buffy, of course.
But then I thought, that’s not really a shadow list; none of that is anything I’d really hide under the bed. The real shadow list would be the things I’ve apologized for liking, the true confessions I’ve made to friends, saying, “I know it’s awful-dumb-lowbrow-tasteless, but I really love. . .”
1. NCIS. It’s a regular old cop show, not a damn thing new or different about it, but I watch it obsessively, mostly for Gibbs and Abby and Duckie, but also because it’s just good. I feel like I should be watching Flight of the Conchords or It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia or some other It show, but I just like watching Mark Harmon solve everything. Also, they do a nice job of killing off the regulars I don’t like.
2. Braunsweiger. It’s smoked liverwurst, aka liver paste. Poor man’s pate. My blue-collar German-descended family loved it and I grew up on it. Then I found out that the fat content is about 110% and stopped eating it, but every now and then I indulge. With mustard on whole wheat. And onions if I’m really feeling go-to-hell. If I was classy, I’d buy pate. I had pate at Per Se in NYC and it was sublime, but really, all I need is braunsweiger.
3. Liz Lange. She makes maternity clothes for Target. My favorite sundress of all time is Liz Lange as is my favorite cardigan. I thought about cutting the “maternity wear” label out and then thought, “Screw it. I like this stuff.”
4. Up the Creek. A B movie so low on the taste list it’s probably a D, written by two entirely different people, one a genius and the other an idiot. The idiot put in fart jokes and bare boobs. The genius did some of the funniest dialogue I’ve ever heard. This movie is totally without redeeming value although it did make me a lifelong fan of Tim Matheson. (I just checked on Amazon and it has four and a half stars. Evidently I’m not the only Chuck the Wonder Dog fan.)
I’m sure there’s a fifth, but I can’t think of one right now. How about you? Guilty pleasures anybody?