The Life of the NYT Bestseller
Jan122010
When I first made the NYT list, my agent and editor called me on conference call to tell me while I was mopping the mud off the kitchen floor (dogs, you know). We all said, “Yay!” and told each other how awesome we all were, and then they went off to have champagne in Manhattan, and I went back to mopping the floor. “New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie Mops Up Mud,” I thought, and laughed, and then went back to my regularly scheduled life. After that there were many NYT headline moments, some of which some of you may remember. There was the “New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie Sears Chin with Pizza Cheese, Looks Revolting for Book Tour.” There was also “New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie Narrowly Escapes Death Driving Through Manhattan with New York Times Bestselling Author Bob Mayer at the Wheel.” And of course “New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie’s Office Now Rated Most Disgusting on the Internet.” I have a milion of them because Lani and Krissie and I keep adding to them. “New York Times Bestselling Author Anne Stuart Buses Table of Person Not Finished Eating at Panera” is one of our faves. Also “New York Times Bestselling Author Lani Diane Rich Explains To Daughters Why Curtain Rods Are Not For Swinging On.” The last one was loud. Pretty much everything is a headline when you’re a New York Times Bestselling Author. Our lives are just full of glamour and luxury (“New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie’s Dog Throws Up on Bed; Film at Eleven).
But as I clean my house, my attention turns from my actions to my possessions. For example, New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie’s Designer Glasses: The extra special NYTB touch is the lethal earpieces which can pierce your skull if you’re not careful, courtesy of Lyle, who chewed the original soft ends off:
I’m hoping Lenscrafters can put something on the ends. I tried shoving the earplugs from my overnight kit on them, but Mona chewed those off.
And of course any NYT Bestseller has the latest in high tech equipment, so there’s New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie’s Thumb Drive, the one I took to FedExKinkos to get contracts printed out that caused such a sensation that the employees took it around and showed it to each other. I find the fact that Veronica chewed off one of the horns while I was putting on my socks a charming touch:
Sadly the Devil Duckie Drive is no longer available, or I’d buy another in a heart beat. It’s sturdy, it’s dependable, and no matter how bad the clutter gets, I can always find it. Unfortunately, so can Veronica.
And because every Famous Person needs an exclusive pet, there’s New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie’s Purebred Poodle, the one with no kneecaps in her back legs which makes her very rare. When Mona’s groomed, she looks like an annoyed cottonball with two furry stilts on the back end. We prefer her in her dreads:
Remember that old hoodie picture? She was 3.3 pounds then. Now she’s 9.9 and built like a tank (except for that back end anomaly); she can kick Lyle’s starbutt without thinking twice about it.
So as you can see, the life of a New York Times Bestselling Author is full of glamour and high-end possessions, one perfect day after another. In fact, I’m having a perfect day right now, doing the last revisions on Maybe This Time surrounded by fascinating personalities. Look:
Who could ask for anything more?
Filed in Deep Thoughts
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62 Comments to 'The Life of the NYT Bestseller'
On January 12, 2010 at 5:12 pm TerriO said...
Wow, do they all gather like that on a regular basis? They’re adorable.
A friend of mine told me this week she’s not finishing the last 15 pages of this MS (her agent wants) because she’s afraid getting pubbed will change her life too much. I explained she will still be chasing down children to do homework and scooping poop when she publishes.
She made me promise to remind her she would still scoop poop at least once a week. I’m sending her to this blog.
On January 12, 2010 at 5:42 pm hope101 said...
Somehow I had missed the fact you own five dogs. Five? And don’t they look enthralled to have their photo taken?
As for the flash drive, hahahah! These days, though, they might think you’d brought another kind of electronic device to the office supply store. I’m just saying….
On January 12, 2010 at 6:23 pm Jenny said...
Yes, five. I’ve turned into the grandfather in Moonstruck. But this way everybody gets a dog on her lap for Movie Night, plus an extra for guests. We think of everything.
On January 12, 2010 at 6:33 pm Briana said...
You have no idea how much I want to be a guest. Heck, I’d even leave my sweet girl at home to have lap left for your extra one. She’s your five, plus some. (Bernese Mountain Dog, 120+ pounds) and when she does sit on my lap — not very often! — there’s absolutely nothing left!
I’m glad your NYT Bestselling life is not so very different than normal, but am equally glad that it lets you continue to entertain me, both here and with your books.
On January 13, 2010 at 12:03 pm Shangrila said...
“Old man, you feed another piece of my food to those dogs and I’m gonna kick ya ’til you’re dead!” Bwahahahaha!
Seriously, though, the dogs are beautiful! Thanks for making good on your promise of pics.
On January 13, 2010 at 12:27 pm Susan (with Martha the Cat ensconced between me and the keyboard) said...
Everything? But Jenny, that means unless there’s guests, some poor dog doesn’t get a lap. Or are they willing to share?
On January 14, 2010 at 11:56 am Jenny said...
Some nights, it’s just Lani and I. You can get three dachshunds on your lap, but it makes drinking tea harder.
On January 12, 2010 at 5:53 pm Phyllis said...
Yes! Glamor! And it certainly looks like one of those Left Bank Coffee Klatch Intello-Artiste sort of gatherings. Do they spout poetry?
On January 12, 2010 at 6:01 pm Elyssa Papa said...
The dogs are adorable, and I totally indentified with this post. When my agent called to offer representation, I was doing laundry.
On January 12, 2010 at 7:19 pm Naked Under My Clothes said...
Why on earth do you think you don’t need another dog?
And what if another dog comes along and needs YOU?
On January 12, 2010 at 7:25 pm Lilah Pierce said...
This clears a lot up for me. You mention names a lot and I’ve never been able to figure out which name belongs to which person, or pet, in your life (Lani, Veronica, editor, agent, daughter, etc.) I’ve never known who was who and this just cleared a lot of the confusion up!
On January 13, 2010 at 12:22 am Jenny said...
Mollie is my daughter.
Lani/Lucy is my best friend and roommate.
Krissie is the third best friend in our triumverate (and she’s coming to visit, YAY!)
Sweetness and Light are Lani’s daughters.
Zoe and Daisy are her cats.
Jen is my editor.
Amy and Jodi are my current agents,
Meg is my former agent and still close friend.
Bob is my former writing partner who can kill with his little finger. No, seriously.
Cousin Russ is my cousin who’s a nationally known food columnist and author and I brag about him a lot.
Wolfie is the black and gray dachshund; Steve in Faking It is based on him, as was Wolfie in Dogs and Goddesses.
Veronica is the English cream dachshund; she’s got a big role in the Liz books.
Milton is the brown dachshund; he was a puppy in Dogs and Goddesses.
Lyle is the little black and tan dachshund who broke his wrist right after we got him. He’s fine now. Insane, but fine.
Mona is the poodle who came with Lyle, sort of like a gift with purchase. Neither Lyle nor Mona has been in a book yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
There are other assorted players but those are the ones who pop up most often.
On January 13, 2010 at 5:51 pm marly said...
That’s not Bob “former writing partner” as in the partnership is over, is it? No more Hitman? No more J.T? No more Ethan? No more one-eyed alligators? Although the alligator could certainly be a Crusie invention. It seemed like a sublime partnership and if it’s over, I think I need to mourn. Although, if it’s true, I’m sure you had a REALLY, REALLY good reason.
On January 13, 2010 at 10:57 pm Jenny said...
We’re both working on solos now. Never say never, but I’ve got four books under contract and another three planned, and Bob’s working on a series, so it’s not looking good.
On January 14, 2010 at 11:17 am marly said...
That’s a lot of good things in the future. And maybe Bob picked up some pointers on “the stuff Jenny writes”.
On January 16, 2010 at 5:47 pm London Mabel said...
You should put this Character List in a sidebar. Very helpful!
What a beautiful crew of doggios. Next can we get a pic of the cats?
On January 13, 2010 at 6:04 pm Allie said...
Also, Krissie is Anne Stuart. That cleared a lot of things up for me. I was always like “Bwuh?” until I figured it out.
On January 12, 2010 at 8:33 pm Reb said...
That’s Veronica in the back, isn’t it? I love the way she has her own pillow and such an innocent expression. And is Lyle the big eyes in the front? Definitely fascinating personalities.
On January 12, 2010 at 9:53 pm CrankyOtter said...
Yay! I was hoping you’d post the cute dogs and you did. Plus, I needed the humor. My funny bone is so out of whack today – I even said “oh, right. Humor. Har.” to the podiatrist after I completely missed a joke and started to ask what he meant. Thanks for sharing pretty doggies who look like they would never make a New York Times Bestselling author have to clean up their vomit.
On January 12, 2010 at 10:13 pm Mary Stella said...
Just as I scrolled down this New York Times Bestseller blog to the picture of the dogs, my girl Cocker Spaniel stretched from the chair next to mine, put her paws on my thigh and looked over my shoulder. Actually, she wanted to lick my ear but if I’d taken a picture of us it would have looked like we were enjoying the blog together.
As it stands, know that I loved the blog post. Pyxi would have loved it, too, if she could read. Her brother missed all of the fun so he could contort himself and lick his unmentionable area. Such a guy.
On January 12, 2010 at 10:35 pm hollygee said...
At last, I’ve been wanting a picture of the dogs. It’s been a long time. You do have good people around you, two and four-legged.
On January 12, 2010 at 11:41 pm Jennifer said...
Yay! Dogs!!
On January 13, 2010 at 12:31 am marly said...
My aunt and I were watching “Desperate Housewives” the other night and Gaby said something like, “When we’re making love, I fantasize about other men so often, sometimes I’m surprised to look up and see Carlos”. I had mentioned to my aunt that you’re best friends with New York Times Best Selling Author Anne Stuart and she’s going to find Ms. Stuart’s website so she can thank her for her favorite fantasy, Patrick Blackheart. She would also like to thank New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie for her second favorite, Davy Dempsy, since she has a thing for bad boys. She has a white Pomeranian named Blackheart and is thinking of getting him a buddy who would be Davy. I have the best aunt. I’m sending her the picture of your dogs. Maybe it will convince her that Blackheart could use more than one new friend. Now, I need some more “bad boy” suggestions for her.
On January 13, 2010 at 4:56 pm Judy Long said...
Lani’s character Finn is also a very lovable bad boy.
On January 13, 2010 at 5:05 pm marly said...
That’s right! Finn was an excellent “bad boy” when he did Tessa wrong. Is there such a word as fantasizable? It’s a great name for a dog, too.
On January 13, 2010 at 5:21 am Micki said...
(-: What a roomful of cute!! Earpieces are nice, but can’t quite compare.
On January 13, 2010 at 9:56 am Tennis41 said...
Hugh Jackman once said he told his wife he was leaving for the Tony Awards and she said, “that’s nice dear, pls take the garbage out on your way!” Lives are only glamourous from the outside.
On January 13, 2010 at 11:56 am BunnyQueen said...
If LensCrafters can’t do anything for your glasses, head to a hardware store and get a little can of the stuff used to rubberize tool handles. It’s designed (I believe) to be painted onto the handles, but there’s no reason you couldn’t dip the earpieces in the stuff. In fact, it’s quite possible that dipping and then holding the glasses so the stuff runs down to the tips a bit will even give you a thick enough covering at the ends that you won’t need to dip the ear pieces multiple times.
On January 14, 2010 at 3:54 am ruthie said...
Jewelry makers use that stuff on tools, like pliers, when they’re working with pearls or other easily scratched beads/stones. So, you can probably find the small bottles at Michael’s or Hobby Lobby.
On January 13, 2010 at 12:03 pm Kelly said...
Here’s a flash drive for Bob.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/thumb-drives-storage/cbc9/
On January 13, 2010 at 4:00 pm Joleesa said...
Kelly, that’s perfect! I wonder if they make one that looks like a miniature HK?
On January 13, 2010 at 7:44 pm Kelly said...
Actually, yes, they do. The HK website seels it.
http://us.hkwebshop.com/HKWebShop/show/byItemID/10047//55///////////true
On January 13, 2010 at 1:03 pm Beki said...
Your Milton looks just like my Marlo. Love, love, love dachshunds.
On January 13, 2010 at 1:25 pm Electric Landlady said...
Rolling in dachshunds! Adorable! (Do you find they get heavier when they want you to stay seated? My cousin’s dachshund Tilde does this. We refer to it as puppy gravity.)
On January 13, 2010 at 2:03 pm SandieS said...
I laughed out loud when someone said that about the dogs gathering together like that. I’m single with two dogs (a Papillon and a Chihuahua/Pomerian mix, we think) and if they’re not in the room where I’m at, they’re either eating or doing something naughty. They even follow me around when I do housework. I had two long-haired Dachshunds, a chocolate-and-tan and a red, Freda and Sophie, both of whom lived until they were sixteen. When there is nobody else to attach to, dogs in a single household household know your routine. Mine know when I put make-up on that I’m leaving so they start pouting then.
On January 13, 2010 at 2:05 pm Kate George said...
I read this last night and laughed. Then I wrote a very witty response but it got lost due to the fact I had forgotten that I’d turned off the internet doohicky. Rats.
I read this again today and laughed again. The advantages of middle age. No wait, I told the gang and Lucy March that 49 wasn’t middle age so It’s some other kind of advantage.
My favorite headline is the that includes NYT BS Bob Mayer. I tend to like it when people are almost killed when OTHER people (meaning besides me) are driving. My kids could explain this to you.
Thanks for the laughs. Oh Zoe, the beagle, is upside down in her crate with her legs in the air snoring. Moose, the behemoth, is taking up all the room at my feet, without actually keeping them warm. Go figure. Midnight, lab cross, is in her bed with her front feet sticking out the door. (Cute little feet, black with white tips on her toes. Aren’t you glad I shared that?) Also snoring.
Why am I not at work? I took a couple of days off to revise!! Study hall was making me crazy.
On January 13, 2010 at 2:06 pm Meredith B. said...
Ohmigosh, “New York Times Bestselling Author Lani Diane Rich Explains To Daughters Why Curtain Rods Are Not For Swinging On.”– Yes, that one had better have been yelled! Because the explanation is that if you do, the curtain rod will come down and catch you in the eye, scratching your cornea and forcing you to wear an eye patch for two weeks. This happened to me when I was four, and it traumatized me for life. I couldn’t watch anything with pirates in it until I was 22. It also traumatized my father, who had to hold my begging and weeping little self down so that the doctor could rub some kind of medicine directly onto my eye, poor man!
On January 13, 2010 at 2:51 pm Jana said...
Love the pictures. Love the dogs. And love knowing I can come here for a laugh!
On January 13, 2010 at 3:54 pm robena grant said...
This was fun, and the dogs are gorgeous. Thanks.
The other day I was doing some Feng Shui on my office There was a suggestion to put a few items that speak of aspirations, any sort of fame or award, pictures of where you see yourself in your career, and place it in the South corner. I made a sort of collage, and carefully cut off the back cover of Dogs and Goddesses because it has a small photo and blurb about you, Krissie, and Lani on the inside. So now each morning I look at my three NYT bestselling authors and make plans to be just like you. Surely there’s room for the four of us on that list. : ) Hey, a gal can dream can’t she?
On January 13, 2010 at 10:59 pm Jenny said...
Come on in, the water’s fine.
Of course, we keep sinking . . .
On January 14, 2010 at 12:11 pm Kate George said...
That’s because so many of us are trying to climb in the boat!
On January 14, 2010 at 2:06 pm Sure thing said...
I second Kate – we are all trying to get on.
On January 16, 2010 at 6:42 pm Jenny said...
No, no, it’s a BIG boat.
It’s just the Titanic.
On January 13, 2010 at 4:27 pm r. said...
Marly says she doesn’t picture me as someone else, but just to be on the safe side, what’s Patrick Blackheart like? Does he have an accent? I think I remember Davy well enough. I have no problem with fictional guys. Also, we think it’s great that some best selling authors are down here in normal town like the rest of us. Wow, a lot of dogs. I’ll admit to being a mush job over ours. She looks like the white one, except about 10 times bigger and a crazy mix. If I rub my hands together and then rub them over her head, her hair stands on end. Oh, tell Ms. Rich it could be worse. I took out the drapes, the rod, and the lamp on the table under the window. My mom was loud, too. She was loud for weeks. The pirate idea was excellent. I was Spiderman. Oh, my flash drive is Ravage – Transformer Decepticon. It’s one of my favorite Christmas gifts, and you’re right. Now I can always find it.
On January 13, 2010 at 5:08 pm Judy Long said...
New York Times Bestselling Author Anne Stuart Buses Table of Person Not Finished Eating at Panera”
When I read that the first time I didn’t get that the person wasn’t finished eating, just that she bussed a table. lol The person was still eating. That kind of humor just kills me. I almost wet myself.
On January 13, 2010 at 11:01 pm Jenny said...
He was not nice about it, either. Poor Krissie. Every now and then she say, “Let’s go to Panera so I can bus tables.” I think she wants to see that guy again and kick him in the knee.
That was the day we had just picked up Stroppy Rachel from the flight in from England. Good times.
On January 14, 2010 at 10:12 am Strop said...
Have to add, I was more or less oblivious to this. Apart from the language differences (“bussing? What are they on about?”) I was extremely focussed on the glorious french onion soup which was calling me from its sourdough bread bowl. I’d been travelling or delayed in travelling for too long, and real food was desperately needed.
On January 13, 2010 at 9:25 pm Ami said...
Goodness! FIVE dogs? When do you ever find the time to write? Cleaning? Walking? Feeding? Crocheting? Blogging? (Thanks for that, BTW).
On January 13, 2010 at 11:02 pm Jenny said...
Aside from the trips outdoors during the day (Light is a huge help with that) and lunch at noon, they pretty much take care of themselves. They chase things, they chew things, they sleep. They chase things, they chew things, they sleep. They have lunch. They chase things, they chew things . . .
On January 14, 2010 at 6:41 am ruthie said...
Okay, Miss Crafty Jenny, here are some duckies:
http://store.twistedgrins.com/StoreFrontProfiles/deluxeSFshop.aspx?Devil%20Ducks&sfid=105990&c=21707&gclid=CJ_GhOrVo58CFSBJagodNTf-Tg
On January 14, 2010 at 6:43 am ruthie said...
And here are instructions for making your own USB drive with them:
http://www.instructables.com/id/Mini_Rubber_Duck_USB/
On January 14, 2010 at 8:24 am AgTigress said...
Lovely dog picture, Jenny.
Lyle looks as though he is planning something wicked even as he poses for the camera. Veronica obviously still sees herself as a glamorous woman (or bitch) of mystery, while Wolfie has opted out of this sentimental family-photo business by turning away. Milton; I don’t know — he looks as though he is trying to remember where he put something. And little fluffball Mona just looks poodleish, which is a charming way to look. Even if she has tripled in weight since you adopted her, 10 lbs is still a very small dog: Next-door’s cat, who lives mostly with us, probably weighs more than that.
Have you crocheted any garments for Mona yet? You know that poodle-hair, unlike Dachshund hair, can be spun into a good, workable yarn, don’t you? (There’s a super book about knitting with dog-hair. Apparently yarn made from dog-hair is exceptionally wind- and waterproof and therefore good for winter hats and scarves). Of course, a bigger poodle would be a better source of knitting/crochet wool. All the same, if you save all Mona’s fur from grooming, you’ll eventually have enough to spin and crochet another poodle.
On January 14, 2010 at 11:59 am Jenny said...
Really, dog hair is good? I saved Veronica’s for awhile after brushing because it was so beautiful. A Veronica and Mona sweater. Definitely something to think about.
On January 14, 2010 at 1:05 pm AgTigress said...
The book is ‘Knitting with Dog Hair’, by Kendall Crolius and Anne Black Mongomery, originally published in the USA in 1988:
http://www.amazon.com/Knitting-Dog-Hair-Better-Sweater/dp/0312152906/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263487209&sr=1-3
It’s very informative and a fun, entertaining read as well. I’m glad to see it’s still in print. Some short-haired breeds with single coats and no fluffy under-layer are non-starters, of course; you couldn’t make a garment from a beagle. The best ‘wool’ providers are naturally the woolly coats, like those of poodles and Old English Sheepdogs. It seems one can also spin the hair of long-haired cats.
The authors explain the processes of ‘harvesting’ the hair and of actually spinning it, though if I were to do it (can’t at the moment — no dog) I would try to find a helpful hand-spinner to do it for me for a fee. The authors give some patterns, many for small projects like hats, scarves and mittens, but all are for knitting rather than crochet. Still, it would be easy enough to use a standard crochet pattern for something like a woolly hat.
Dog-hair can be blended with other fibres too (like sheep’s wool!). And there is a very full list of dog-breeds with comments on the potential of their coats for spinning. They say that the long-haired Dachs coat is good for blending with other fibres — presumably not enough ‘fluff’ factor to make it work too well on its own. From the photos in the book, it appears that dog yarn tends to have a distinct fuzzy ‘halo’, a bit like angora or mohair yarn, which would make it very attractive for some garments.
When combing my mother’s crossbred sheepdog, who has a fair proportion of Old English in her ancestry (the bitch, not my ma), I have often finger-spun clumps of detached fur quite successfully into short lengths of knittable fibre.
If I had a poodle, instead of next-door’s cat (who is short-haired anyway), I would certainly give it a go myself.
On January 16, 2010 at 6:44 pm Jenny said...
You should get a poodle, Ag. Mona is amazing. They’re such sturdy little things.
Don’t you wonder, though, if you wouldn’t smell like a wet dog if you got caught in a rainstorm?
On January 14, 2010 at 2:15 pm Sure thing said...
LOL! “the bitch, not my ma”
On January 14, 2010 at 3:36 pm Sharon said...
My friend and neighbor is a member of a spinning group. They meet once a month, swap ideas and show their latest knitted projects. Most have flocks of sheep but others have angora rabbits, llamas or goats. One meeting was memorable to my friend-it was a rainy day and everyone could smell a dog even tho the hostess had no dog! One member finally realized it was her hat and cape every one smelled-she had knitted some of her dogs hair into the garments! My friend says the items were beautiful and very soft.
On January 14, 2010 at 4:12 pm AgTigress said...
Sharon, what a great story! According to the book I cited, it is a good idea to use a little dog shampoo in the initial cleansing of the dog wool/hair before spinning, as it contains ingredients specifically formulated to combat the doggy smell.
But in any case, even garments knitted from good-quality commercial 100% woollen yarn, from sheep, will smell slightly sheepy when damp — it’s just that most of us think of that quite pleasing odour as a ‘wool’ smell rather than ’sheep’. 
And pure silk has an incredibly distinctive and noticeable smell even when dry. Our human noses are sometimes better than we think, but we often pay too little attention to scents.
On January 16, 2010 at 6:44 pm Jenny said...
I should read ALL the comments before I ask questions.
On January 14, 2010 at 9:49 pm Lora said...
Love the dog pictures so cute. I have a miniature poodle, black curly hair and a tyrannical attitude. He’s thrown up on the bed too. lol
On January 16, 2010 at 6:46 pm Jenny said...
In Mona’s defense, it was Veronica who tossed her cookies on my comforter.
I have half a dozen comforters and quilts I keep in constant rotation. You lie down with dogs, you’re going to do a lot of laundry.
On January 16, 2010 at 7:36 pm AgTigress said...
“You should get a poodle, Ag. Mona is amazing. They’re such sturdy little things.”
He was succeeded by Theo (1964-1976), who was half dachsie, half Pembroke corgi (a very handsome mixture), and entirely wonderful. Although he was my parents’ dog, he spent a lot of time with me, and I adored him. He was completely different from little Niki, but they were both special.
Associating with dogs and cats undoubtedly means doing more laundry and vacuum-cleaning, as well as needing to have a handy mopping-up-of-nasty-messes kit stored under the kitchen sink, but it makes us better and happier people.