Comments on: Looking for the Group Hug http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/ More than you ever wanted to hear from Bestselling Author Jenny Crusie. Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:04:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: Shar http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-130157 Shar Mon, 10 Aug 2009 15:51:38 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-130157 Making community is the name of it. I have neighbors who have included me in their large family and I love it. I have found individuals sharing parts of their life with me, ie., my riding instructor makes sure her computer guru husband is there when I have computer issues. Searching for community is a work, but the payoff is amazing, community is redefining itself daily. Making community is the name of it. I have neighbors who have included me in their large family and I love it. I have found individuals sharing parts of their life with me, ie., my riding instructor makes sure her computer guru husband is there when I have computer issues. Searching for community is a work, but the payoff is amazing, community is redefining itself daily.

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]]> By: Lisa O. http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129963 Lisa O. Thu, 06 Aug 2009 17:24:57 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129963 I love to get on here and see what great people love this site. I love this sense of community but am a loner by nature. My husband, in turn, needs people all time and can't stand to be by himself. It balances out. We run a youth ministry so, especially in the summer, there's a contact stream of teenage kids (usually the boys) who gather at our house. The come to play video games and be with eachother since we don't mind loud musice or kids chatter. But then we also get to teach them how to cook and use a BBQ. They also are great at helping out around the house and doing yard work and eventually the kids come over so much that their parents eventually become our friends too. Some, of the parents do actually want to know who their kids are hanging out with. So while it drives me crazy to have so many people in my house, I love it too and wouldn't trade my community for anything in the world. We learn as much from them as they do from us. Did I forget to mention that I have a 3 yr old son as well and my sister has 3 boys of her own. So while Jenny and Lani have a house full of girls, I usually have a house full of boys. I'm jealous of having so many females in one place as I'm completely outnumbered but I do not miss a house full of teenage girs...I remember being the youngest of five girls in one house ages 18-8 and wouldn't sick that scenario on any one. :) I love to get on here and see what great people love this site. I love this sense of community but am a loner by nature. My husband, in turn, needs people all time and can’t stand to be by himself. It balances out. We run a youth ministry so, especially in the summer, there’s a contact stream of teenage kids (usually the boys) who gather at our house. The come to play video games and be with eachother since we don’t mind loud musice or kids chatter. But then we also get to teach them how to cook and use a BBQ. They also are great at helping out around the house and doing yard work and eventually the kids come over so much that their parents eventually become our friends too. Some, of the parents do actually want to know who their kids are hanging out with. So while it drives me crazy to have so many people in my house, I love it too and wouldn’t trade my community for anything in the world. We learn as much from them as they do from us.

Did I forget to mention that I have a 3 yr old son as well and my sister has 3 boys of her own. So while Jenny and Lani have a house full of girls, I usually have a house full of boys. I’m jealous of having so many females in one place as I’m completely outnumbered but I do not miss a house full of teenage girs…I remember being the youngest of five girls in one house ages 18-8 and wouldn’t sick that scenario on any one. :)

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]]> By: Lorrie http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129851 Lorrie Tue, 04 Aug 2009 22:32:53 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129851 I so completely agree with you that the group way of living is the normal human way, and what we've been doing for the past few decades is the odd and unsatisfying way. For goodness sake, young folks have always lived with parents for many years and even brought home spouses for years while they saved for their own places. ANd in later years, the older generations have always lived with their adult children. My mom-in-law felt badly about moving in with her daughter and I asked her, "why?" She was an integral part of the household, helping with children and chores. I also want to thank you, though, for giving me a new perspective on a paranormal romance story I'm writing. I actually had not thought of it as a lonely young woman finding her "people," but in truth, that's what it is, and it will help me bring those elements together better (now that I'm fully aware of it). So thank you! I so completely agree with you that the group way of living is the normal human way, and what we’ve been doing for the past few decades is the odd and unsatisfying way. For goodness sake, young folks have always lived with parents for many years and even brought home spouses for years while they saved for their own places. ANd in later years, the older generations have always lived with their adult children. My mom-in-law felt badly about moving in with her daughter and I asked her, “why?” She was an integral part of the household, helping with children and chores.

I also want to thank you, though, for giving me a new perspective on a paranormal romance story I’m writing. I actually had not thought of it as a lonely young woman finding her “people,” but in truth, that’s what it is, and it will help me bring those elements together better (now that I’m fully aware of it). So thank you!

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]]> By: Kate http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129740 Kate Sun, 02 Aug 2009 15:25:05 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129740 Wow, this is so refreshing! I know that my younger children - now 8, 9, and 11 will either live with us or be very close. My older children - 21, 20, and 15 don't quite understand that part yet but they will. We have room to house someone or a family of someones. My older sisters have discussed moving in with each other if the need arises. We would love to have some like minded people to come live with us. We are working very hard to raise as much of our own food as we can. I have put up about 30 jars of pickles so far and frozen over 50 qt bags of veggies. I agree with you that this is a return to sanity. We need community and we need to be able to rely on each other not be out there on our own floundering. When tough times hit ( and I think this one is here to stay), it's good for all of us to come together and help in any way we can. Be it family, extended family, made families. My mom often talked about when she was little during the Great Depression they moved in with her mom's parents. She remembered that often. I talked to my aunt about it recently and she said that you didn't feel odd because everyone was in the same situation. I think we are going back there. She - the aunt- recalled how they used to put on plays - she, my mom and another sister - for the adults. How fun to have that kind of entertainment. Take care and thanks for leading the way. Wow, this is so refreshing! I know that my younger children – now 8, 9, and 11 will either live with us or be very close. My older children – 21, 20, and 15 don’t quite understand that part yet but they will. We have room to house someone or a family of someones. My older sisters have discussed moving in with each other if the need arises. We would love to have some like minded people to come live with us. We are working very hard to raise as much of our own food as we can. I have put up about 30 jars of pickles so far and frozen over 50 qt bags of veggies.
I agree with you that this is a return to sanity. We need community and we need to be able to rely on each other not be out there on our own floundering. When tough times hit ( and I think this one is here to stay), it’s good for all of us to come together and help in any way we can. Be it family, extended family, made families. My mom often talked about when she was little during the Great Depression they moved in with her mom’s parents. She remembered that often. I talked to my aunt about it recently and she said that you didn’t feel odd because everyone was in the same situation. I think we are going back there. She – the aunt- recalled how they used to put on plays – she, my mom and another sister – for the adults. How fun to have that kind of entertainment.

Take care and thanks for leading the way.

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]]> By: phenila http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129709 phenila Sat, 01 Aug 2009 21:56:54 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129709 A couple years I moved from a very small town to the big city (for Montana that is.) Since it made economic sense at the time, I moved in with Mom and my brother and we got a slightly bigger rental. Then shortkly after my sister divorced the a## and 'temporarily' moved in with her two children. It was a tight squeeze and uncomfortable. Now we pitched in together (though sis made the down payment) and are all paying on a nice seven bedroom home. She plans to have her boy friend and his two children move in also. So our home will have nine people in a nice blended family. A couple years I moved from a very small town to the big city (for Montana that is.) Since it made economic sense at the time, I moved in with Mom and my brother and we got a slightly bigger rental. Then shortkly after my sister divorced the a## and ‘temporarily’ moved in with her two children. It was a tight squeeze and uncomfortable. Now we pitched in together (though sis made the down payment) and are all paying on a nice seven bedroom home. She plans to have her boy friend and his two children move in also. So our home will have nine people in a nice blended family.

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]]> By: Deborah Blake http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129708 Deborah Blake Sat, 01 Aug 2009 21:44:42 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129708 I'm single and live alone (if you can call living with 5 cats alone), but I have a great expended community. I'm a Pagan (a Witch) and lead a circle of seven women who vary in age from 27 to 50-something-not-specified. The core of the group has stayed the same since its inception 5 years ago, although other folks have come and gone. We are more than just friends--we are a large extended family. When we gather for sabbats (holiday rituals 8 times a year), we include the husbands and kids as well, and follow up with a pot-luck feast. We're there for each other when someone is having a tough time, and we talk on the phone when wer can't be together. I actually helped a couple of the women to give birth to their children, which was very cool. Now that I have this community, I'm not sure how I ever survived without it. Jenny--your community sounds wonderful! And I can't wait to read about the community in your next book--that's one of the aspects of your writing I love the most. I’m single and live alone (if you can call living with 5 cats alone), but I have a great expended community. I’m a Pagan (a Witch) and lead a circle of seven women who vary in age from 27 to 50-something-not-specified. The core of the group has stayed the same since its inception 5 years ago, although other folks have come and gone. We are more than just friends–we are a large extended family. When we gather for sabbats (holiday rituals 8 times a year), we include the husbands and kids as well, and follow up with a pot-luck feast. We’re there for each other when someone is having a tough time, and we talk on the phone when wer can’t be together. I actually helped a couple of the women to give birth to their children, which was very cool. Now that I have this community, I’m not sure how I ever survived without it.

Jenny–your community sounds wonderful! And I can’t wait to read about the community in your next book–that’s one of the aspects of your writing I love the most.

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]]> By: Jenny http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129600 Jenny Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:21:44 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129600 Thank you, Lindsey, for the network correction. I had a couple of other shows in there, so I may have collated the network from something else with the wrong show. And thank you, all of you, for the supportive comments. It's still working beautifully, so I'm thinking you're all right and this is the way it was supposed to be, not people living apart. We highly recommend it anyway. Thank you, Lindsey, for the network correction. I had a couple of other shows in there, so I may have collated the network from something else with the wrong show.

And thank you, all of you, for the supportive comments. It’s still working beautifully, so I’m thinking you’re all right and this is the way it was supposed to be, not people living apart. We highly recommend it anyway.

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]]> By: Lindsey http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129549 Lindsey Wed, 29 Jul 2009 23:06:12 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129549 I love this post. I've always loved the idea of living in a community like Melrose place where all your friends are near you, everyone can drop by to visit and drink and laugh and still have a place of your own to visit. And that someone is there, always, just in case you need them. What a great post! Although, I'm sorry, my OCD won't let me sleep tonight unless I mention that "Modern Family" will be on ABC, not CBS. And that it's possibly the best comedy show to come out in a very long time. I love this post. I’ve always loved the idea of living in a community like Melrose place where all your friends are near you, everyone can drop by to visit and drink and laugh and still have a place of your own to visit. And that someone is there, always, just in case you need them. What a great post!

Although, I’m sorry, my OCD won’t let me sleep tonight unless I mention that “Modern Family” will be on ABC, not CBS. And that it’s possibly the best comedy show to come out in a very long time.

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]]> By: kate http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129528 kate Wed, 29 Jul 2009 17:26:44 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129528 I am so happy you started this discussion, because I've been on the same wavelength. This whole time, all the dire depression news, I've though, "Well, I'm sorry people are suffering, but this strikes me as a -value correction- rather than anything else." My husband and I want to have another baby, and we can't fit one in our tiny house. We've lived in community before, and our quality of life in that house was so great, especially for an introverted homebody like me. We have been talking about buying a house with friends, and raising our families together. It's so 60s/kibbutzy, but several families in our little church already live within blocks of each other. People share kitchens when they throw big dinner parties, they share babysitting, and vegetables and compost piles. And I have to say, the best Thanksgiving of my life was spent with "family-by-choice" in that community house in L.A. If there's anywhere you need to make your own family, it's L.A. I am so happy you started this discussion, because I’ve been on the same wavelength. This whole time, all the dire depression news, I’ve though, “Well, I’m sorry people are suffering, but this strikes me as a -value correction- rather than anything else.”

My husband and I want to have another baby, and we can’t fit one in our tiny house. We’ve lived in community before, and our quality of life in that house was so great, especially for an introverted homebody like me.

We have been talking about buying a house with friends, and raising our families together. It’s so 60s/kibbutzy, but several families in our little church already live within blocks of each other. People share kitchens when they throw big dinner parties, they share babysitting, and vegetables and compost piles.

And I have to say, the best Thanksgiving of my life was spent with “family-by-choice” in that community house in L.A. If there’s anywhere you need to make your own family, it’s L.A.

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]]> By: Eva http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129520 Eva Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:56:45 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129520 Hey Julie, that wasn't me that said that, but an editor (I'm not so good with quote boxes and such). I agree with you, hers is a very astute analogy. Hey Julie, that wasn’t me that said that, but an editor (I’m not so good with quote boxes and such). I agree with you, hers is a very astute analogy.

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]]> By: Eva http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129519 Eva Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:53:08 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129519 There's also another thing going on, that is statistically set to explode within the next ten years. Home churches. The Christian staticians are saying that the age of the mega church is over, and that the next thing will be small communities of like minded people who gather at someone's house instead of a huge building. No clergy. It's happening all over all ready. So, the seeking of community is a very accurate assessment. We're seeking for and making our own tribes. There’s also another thing going on, that is statistically set to explode within the next ten years. Home churches. The Christian staticians are saying that the age of the mega church is over, and that the next thing will be small communities of like minded people who gather at someone’s house instead of a huge building. No clergy. It’s happening all over all ready. So, the seeking of community is a very accurate assessment. We’re seeking for and making our own tribes.

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]]> By: patmcaudel http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129495 patmcaudel Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:13:10 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129495 just a tip with the milton vs cat.... we learned with our milton, yelling no cat doesn't help, yelling no felli works. the dog doesn't know from cat. the dog does know from cat's name.......and as you know, all milton dogs are brilliant... just a tip with the milton vs cat…. we learned with our milton, yelling no cat doesn’t help, yelling no felli works. the dog doesn’t know from cat. the dog does know from cat’s name…….and as you know, all milton dogs are brilliant…

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]]> By: Annie http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129485 Annie Tue, 28 Jul 2009 23:42:29 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129485 Our community of friends lives in basically a compound - a set of small houses on a piece of land. We came together over time and by accident, a couple of people are here only part time. the compound has sustained its members through the deaths of parents, the emergency hospitalization and near death of a beloved sibling, the critical illness of a community member, the emergency hospitalization, recovery and long-term-care finding for a cantankerous parent, the deaths of 4 elderly and beloved dogs, bouts of depression and mania, job changes - the list is very long. we have become a refuge, a place where folks we sometimes know and sometimes don't know can come to organize themselves (on their way out of the military, heading in and out marriages, getting sober, creating businesses) but it is better than that. not only is there always, always a dogsitter, but there is always someone to celebrate with. shared sorrow, tribulations - there is a lot of sorrow in the world. shared delight? rejoicing? people who really are as happy for you as they are for themselves? those things are rare. we have balance - there are enough of us that we keep each other level when chaos threatens. we are kind to each other. and kindness is in short supply these days. we're moving. it's going to be weird, all of us picking up and going together, but - we're moving. and we'll be fine. because we're mostly adultish, and we're together, and it turns out that we know how to build the thing we need, so if we can't find another proper compound, we'll buy some more land and build another one. we are so lucky. so very lucky. Our community of friends lives in basically a compound – a set of small houses on a piece of land. We came together over time and by accident, a couple of people are here only part time. the compound has sustained its members through the deaths of parents, the emergency hospitalization and near death of a beloved sibling, the critical illness of a community member, the emergency hospitalization, recovery and long-term-care finding for a cantankerous parent, the deaths of 4 elderly and beloved dogs, bouts of depression and mania, job changes – the list is very long. we have become a refuge, a place where folks we sometimes know and sometimes don’t know can come to organize themselves (on their way out of the military, heading in and out marriages, getting sober, creating businesses) but it is better than that.

not only is there always, always a dogsitter, but there is always someone to celebrate with. shared sorrow, tribulations – there is a lot of sorrow in the world. shared delight? rejoicing? people who really are as happy for you as they are for themselves? those things are rare.

we have balance – there are enough of us that we keep each other level when chaos threatens. we are kind to each other. and kindness is in short supply these days.

we’re moving. it’s going to be weird, all of us picking up and going together, but – we’re moving. and we’ll be fine. because we’re mostly adultish, and we’re together, and it turns out that we know how to build the thing we need, so if we can’t find another proper compound, we’ll buy some more land and build another one.

we are so lucky. so very lucky.

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]]> By: Lani http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129480 Lani Tue, 28 Jul 2009 22:10:58 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129480 Go here. http://www.storywonk.com It's the best I can explain it right now... Go here.

http://www.storywonk.com

It’s the best I can explain it right now…

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]]> By: Bonnie C http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129472 Bonnie C Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:18:12 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129472 Lani - I'm so sorry life kicked you and the girls in the butt, but ecstatic you found such wonderful shelter. My husband and I have sheltered more than our fair share of friends and family in need/transition and wouldn't have it any other way. We've been asked "why would you *do* that?" to which our general response is "why *wouldn't* we?" Good luck to the House of Dogs, Goddesses, and Goddesslettes! Lani – I’m so sorry life kicked you and the girls in the butt, but ecstatic you found such wonderful shelter.

My husband and I have sheltered more than our fair share of friends and family in need/transition and wouldn’t have it any other way. We’ve been asked “why would you *do* that?” to which our general response is “why *wouldn’t* we?”

Good luck to the House of Dogs, Goddesses, and Goddesslettes!

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]]> By: Mrs.MJ http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129470 Mrs.MJ Tue, 28 Jul 2009 17:53:56 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129470 Jeez, you made me tear up a little! How fabulous for all of you! You sound like you got a great thing going & to be honest I'm a little envious! I've never enjoyed being alone, although some quiet time is good too, but not for long. It must be great to be in a big house full of people you love. Jeez, you made me tear up a little! How fabulous for all of you! You sound like you got a great thing going & to be honest I’m a little envious! I’ve never enjoyed being alone, although some quiet time is good too, but not for long. It must be great to be in a big house full of people you love.

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]]> By: Linda Sherwood http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129461 Linda Sherwood Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:42:08 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129461 My first question was the same, Kelly. What happened with Fish? My first question was the same, Kelly. What happened with Fish?

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]]> By: Shar http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129460 Shar Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:28:11 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129460 Just sounds wonderful to me, a typical divorced omg the next one is 60 and I don't feel old, woman. Lonely is just that lonely. Community is wonderful. Enjoy Just sounds wonderful to me, a typical divorced omg the next one is 60 and I don’t feel old, woman. Lonely is just that lonely. Community is wonderful. Enjoy

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]]> By: McB http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129459 McB Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:11:36 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129459 <i>the conference buzz was about books with weepy family plots (Jody Picoult) and warm, emotional women’s fiction/romance feelings (Kristin Hannah, Susan Wiggs).</i> Hmmm. Maybe; but, speaking for myself, I tend to avoid those in times of stress. Real life provides enough opportunities to angst and weep. I wouldn't be surprised, though, to see a surge in movies for the family, fantasy and adventure stuff, and books of similar genre. When people are down, they need heros and something to cheer for. The classic Crusie cast-of-thousands coming together against the Big Bad will fit right in. the conference buzz was about books with weepy family plots (Jody Picoult) and warm, emotional women’s fiction/romance feelings (Kristin Hannah, Susan Wiggs).

Hmmm. Maybe; but, speaking for myself, I tend to avoid those in times of stress. Real life provides enough opportunities to angst and weep. I wouldn’t be surprised, though, to see a surge in movies for the family, fantasy and adventure stuff, and books of similar genre. When people are down, they need heros and something to cheer for. The classic Crusie cast-of-thousands coming together against the Big Bad will fit right in.

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]]> By: YvonneL http://www.arghink.com/2009/07/25/looking-for-the-group-hug/#comment-129450 YvonneL Tue, 28 Jul 2009 09:24:47 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/?p=1293#comment-129450 So that explains the appeal and why people get addicted to a community based contest, like Survivor, I suppose. Meets all our needs as we become more insular and stay at home to watch TV. So that explains the appeal and why people get addicted to a community based contest, like Survivor, I suppose. Meets all our needs as we become more insular and stay at home to watch TV.

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