Expectations Test
Feb272009
Okay, what would you expect from a book that started like this (please note, still in draft stage):
CHAPTER ONE
Mary Alice Brannigan sat on the roof of the Dreamland carousel at twenty minutes to midnight and considered her work in the light from the lamp on her yellow miner’s hat.
It was good.
FunFun, the redheaded wood clown sitting cross-legged next to her on the roof’s peak, was fully restored and authentic again, just like his iron-clad twin at the Dreamland entrance, one yellow-gloved hand pulling back his striped blue-green coat to show off his orange-and-gold-checked waistcoat, the other flung above his head, reaching into empty air for the gold pan pipes he’d lost long ago.
“Don’t worry, baby,” she said to him, patting her work bag between them. “I got your pipes right here.”
He grinned crookedly down at her, or at least down toward the ground. He was definitely fabulous. If he’d been real, she’d have dated him.
A breeze picked up, biting with the chill of the Ohio October night. Mab pulled her bulky canvas painting coat closer around her and looked out over her park. Okay, not her park, but she’d made it beautiful, even if right now it looked ugly in the godawful
Halloween glow from its orange-cellophane-covered lampposts, its leafless trees like bony hands in the weird light. Months of researching, of wrangling college interns and high school help, of doing all the detail work herself, had come to this: Dreamland was a jewel-box of an amusement park again. I did this, she thought. Once I finish the Fortunetelling Machine, I will have put this place back the way it was at the very beginning. I rock.
And the best part was that she was surveying it all at night, beautiful, peaceful night, with no–
“You up there, Mab?” Glenda yelled up.
–people around to spoil the moment.
“Stop what you’re doing and come down here,” Glenda called, the cheer in her voice sounding as platinum bright as her hair and about as authentic.
Mab gritted her teeth. This was what she got for taking a break to gloat over her work: people showed up to spoil the moment.
She pulled her bag closer and took out the pipe, careful not to scratch any of the five little golden cylinders that were carved together in one block. She fished a tube of fast-set glue out of the bag, stood up carefully, and reached to glue the pipe back into the FunFun’s empty fingers, tilting her head back so the light from her miner’s cap shone on the hand.
A small black raven swooped down and perched on the clown’s head.
“Beat it, Frankie,” she whispered to the bird, trying to brush it away without dropping the flute or the glue or falling to her death. Frankie was undersized for a raven, but he had vicious claws and a murderous beak, so she shooed at him with healthy respect for his ability to rip her eyes out.
Frankie flapped his wings and rose above the clown and then settled down on the up-flung hand, cawing at her like a cheese-grater dragged across a fire escape.
Cinderella got bluebirds doing her hair, Mab thought. I get ravens screwing with my work.
From below, Mab heard the raspy voice of Glenda’s friend Delpha, an echo of Frankie’s: “She’s up there, Glenda. Frankie knows.”
“I know, too,” Glenda said, and then she raised her voice and said, “I’m not kidding, Mab, stop whatever you’re doing up there right now.”
Mab leaned in, holding onto the glue with one hand and the flute with the other, and looked Frankie right in the eye.
“This flute is going in that hand, bird,” she told him, serious as death. “Do not get between me and my work.”
Frankie watched her for a minute, his eyes steady and bright with intelligence, and then he cawed again, the sound going down Mab’s spine like a rasp, and flapped off.
“Okay, then.” Mab checked for the side of the flute with the broken metal rod on it, reached up and squirted a generous shot of glue into the hole in the FunFun’s palm, and slotted the broken rod into it. She held it for sixty seconds, ignoring demands to quit from down below, and then wiggled it a little to see if it had set.
The flute clicked and then turned sideways on its own.
What the hell? she thought, and reached up to pull it back into place.
“Okay, that’s it,” Glenda said, the brightness gone from her voice. “I’m coming up there.”
At sixty-five, Glenda was probably in better shape than Mab was at thirty-nine, but it was dark, and Glenda liked a cocktail or three after six, and while she was often annoying, Mab didn’t want her dead, so . . .
“Hold on.” Mab capped her glue and put it in her paint bag and eased her way down the turquoise and blue striped carousel roof to peer over the edge, gripping the gold scalloped trim as insurance.
Glenda stood on the flagstone below in the spotlight cast from the lamp on Mab’s hat, one hand on her capri-clad hip, the other waving a cigarette, her spiky white hair glowing over her pink angora sweater. Beside her, ancient, black-eyed little Delpha
looked up from under lowered brows, her improbably black hair slicked down on both sides of her sunken face like two strokes of black paint over a skull, the rest of her swathed in a dark blue shawl that blended her into the night.
Frankie flapped down to sit on Delpha’s shoulder.
Death’s parrot, Mab thought. “Glenda, I’m almost done–”
“Done?” Glenda smiled up at her, clearly tense for some reason. “But honey, you shouldn’t be doing anything up there–”
Somebody staggered out of the night and lurched into Glenda, who bumped into Delpha, who stumbled back and dislodged Frankie, who went for the staggerer, who screamed and batted at him.
Frankie flapped up to sit on the edge of the carousel roof beside Mab, and the guy looked up.
Mab saw brown hair and bleary eyes over an orange Bengals’ shirt: Dave, one of the beer pavilion regulars who should have been out of the park when it had closed forty-five minutes before. He’d probably stumbled off to pee in the trees that rimmed the island and gotten lost. Again.
“Whassat?” Dave squinted up at her, and Mab realized that to him, she was just a big light in the black sky.
“This is God, Dave. Go home, sober up, get a job, and never get drunk again. Or you’ll go to hell.”
Dave’s mouth dropped open, making him look even more slack-jawed than usual.
“Go home, Dave, the park’s closed,” Glenda said, tiredly, and looked back up at Mab. “I need to talk to you. Quit what you’re doing and come down now.”
Dave gaped at her. “You talkin’ to God?” He squinted up at Mab again and then light dawned in his pasty face. “That’s not God. Is that you, Red?”
“No,” Mab lied.
“Okay,” Dave said, and staggered on.
“Come down, Mab, and we’ll walk you back to the Dream Cream,” Glenda said. “It’s not safe for you to wander around alone.”
“I’ve been walking around this park alone for months, and now you tell me it’s not safe?”
“Well, there’s Dave.”
“I can take care of Dave with one hand wrapped around FunFun.”
“And there’s danger.” Glenda waved her cigarette around vaguely. “It’s . . . October.”
“Right. The dangerous month.” Mab shook her head, which made the light from the lamp on her hat swing wildly, and then she crawled back up the striped metal roof.
The park people were just odd, that was all there was to it. It probably came from living on the grounds. You lived fulltime in Dreamland, you got strange.
That flute was wrong. Mab reached up and turned it back into place and felt it click again. There. Now it–
“Mab, get down here right now!”
“I’m coming!”
She fastened the flap on her work bag, made her way back to the ladder on the opposite side of the carousel, and climbed down to the flagstones that covered most of the park. Tomorrow she’d come out in the daylight and see the carousel wood FunFun in all its finished glory, and then she’d move on to the Fortunetelling Machine—
Something hard ran into her, and she lost her hat as she went down and smacked her head on the stone. “Ouch!” she said, and grabbed her hat and put it back on so that the light on it would stun the moron who’d knocked her down. “Damn it, Dave—”
Huge turquoise eyes gleamed down under iron-hard red-orange curls. A stiff turquoise-striped coat loomed over her, metal protesting as it bent. And then the thing brought its red-orange lips together slowly and ground out “Mmmm” and then spread
them apart with the sound of rending metal to say, “ab,” its smile widening and its cheeks splitting as it jerkily held out its yellow iron-gloved hand to help her up.
“FunFun?” Mab said faintly.
The thing nodded, its head moving slowly up and down with a metallic squeaking sound.
Mab screamed.
#
Ethan John Wayne stared across the causeway at the locked iron gates that led to to Dreamland as the sound of his taxi faded into the darkness. Something was missing on the other side of the gate, but it had been a long time since he’d been home, and he
couldn’t figure out what it was. Well, maybe they’d moved something. A lot of things changed in twenty years.
He rubbed his chest, feeling the scar that covered the bullet pressing on his heart.
Dreamland was as good a place to die as any, and he had family here, which counted for something. What, he wasn’t quite sure.
He dropped his rucksack to the ground, pulled out a leather flask, and tilted it up to his lips, taking a good, long slug. Then he put the flask back and squared his shoulders to go back into the park. It wasn’t much of a home, he thought, but at least it
was peaceful, no people around to–
A scream rent the night, coming from somewhere inside the park. Ethan threw his vest on, grabbed his .45 caliber pistol from the pack, and sprinted for the entrance.
He leapt as he reached the ten foot high wrought iron gate, free hand grasping for a cross-bar just below the top, feet scrambling for a hold, and fell right onto his butt.
Cursing, he got to his feet and approached climbing the gate while factoring in his inebriated state. Mission planning, sir. He tucked the gun inside his Kevlar vest so he could use both hands. It took longer to climb the damn thing than it should have, and when he got to the top of the gate, he tottered and almost fell, but then he lowered himself and dropped the few remaining feet to the ground, narrowly missing the line of golf carts parked there. He drew his gun and went running across the causeway and down the midway toward the carousel where he could see three people gathered.
He came to an abrupt halt when he saw his mother standing with her arm around a woman dressed like a bag lady in a long, bulky, paint-splotched coat and a yellow miner’s hat. Compared to her, Glenda and Delpha looked normal.
“What’s going on?” he demanded.
His mother turned and her face lit up like it was Christmas. “Ethan!” she said and flung herself at him, hugging him so tight that he couldn’t get a breath. “What’s this?” she said, pulling back and knocking her knuckles on his chest, testing out his body armor.
“Oh, I don’t care, you’re home!”
She flung her arms around him again, and Ethan patted the back of her fuzzy sweater and looked over her shoulder to see Delpha staring at him, with Frankie on her shoulder staring, too. “So you have finally returned,” Delpha said. A flicker of a smile
touched her thin lips, gone as quickly as it had appeared, but for her, it was like Glenda’s bear hug.
“Yep,” Ethan said. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw old Gus come limping up from the back of the park.
“Bout time you came home,” Gus said gruffly in an overly loud voice, but he came up and pounded Ethan on the shoulder just the same. “Good to see you, boy. You’re just in time.”
For what? Ethan wondered.
Glenda raised a tear-stained face. “How long can you stay? You have to stay a long time.”
“I quit the Army. I’m staying,” Ethan said, and Glenda looked startled, but then she must have decided not to look a gift son in the mouth because she let go of him and patted his chest again, not realizing he couldn’t feel it through the Kevlar.
“I’m so glad.” Her eyes welled up again. “Oh, I’m so glad. We even have a job for you! You can help Gus with security!”
“I don’t want a job, Mom. I just want some peace and quiet.” He looked around at them. “Who screamed?”
“I did,” the bag lady said. “Sorry. Usually I’m not a screamer, but I got run down by a clown.” She touched the back of her miner’s hat gingerly. “I hit my head.”
“Someone hit you?” Ethan said, feeling something that would have been outrage once. “Where is he?”
“No, it ran into me . . .” she stopped, taking her hat off. “I think there’s blood.”
“Which way did he go?” Ethan said, and Mab said, “I don’t know” at the same time Glenda said, “Let it go, Ethan.”
Ethan started to speak and got one of his mother’s famous Don’t Argue looks.
“Okay,” he said, and reached toward Mab. “Let me check your head.”
She stepped back, her sharp, dark eyes suspicious, nostrils flaring as if she were catching wind of something. “I’m gonna say no on that.”
“Mab, Ethan has been in the military,” Glenda said proudly. “Ethan, this is Mab, she’s restoring the park.”
“I’m trained in first aid,” Ethan said to Mab, trying to move the whole thing along before he passed out from exhaustion and alcohol.
“Really.” Mab studied him for a moment. “Okay.” She stepped closer and bent her head down.
Ethan prodded through her thick, straight red hair, his fingers shaking ever so slightly. There was blood, but not much . . . He prodded harder, as much to keep his hand from shaking as to find the wound.
“Ouch.”
“Sorry.” It was just a scratch, not a scalp wound or else it would have been a mess. Scalp wounds were bad, hard to stop the bleeding. And then if the bullet hit bone . . . Ethan closed his eyes for a second. “You’ll be fine. So who hit you?”
“A FunFun ran into me.” She looked up at the carousel roof. “I was working on the FunFun up there, but he’s still there, and anyway he’s made of wood. The one that ran into me was a big metal-covered one, like the iron one by the gate. Did you see it when you came in?”
“No,” Ethan said, now realizing what had been missing. The damn clown statue.
“Then it was probably that one. Of course, that’s insane. I’m not insane.”
“Right,” Ethan said, glancing at his mother who looked sane but worried at the moment.
Gus grabbed Ethan’s arm. “Come on, I’ll show you how to do the Dragon run. Now that you’re here for good, you can take over.”
“See,” Glenda said to Mab, patting her arm. “Gus is going to do the midnight Dragon run, just like always. Everything’s normal. No big iron, uh, robot clowns.”
“Robot clowns?” Mab said, her voice going up. “The park has robot clowns?”
“No, no.” Glenda patted again.
Patting, Ethan realized, was his mother’s main form of communication. That and a wide array of looks.
“I’ll take you back to the Dream Cream,” Glenda told Mab. “We’ll get that blood cleaned up, make you a cup of tea, you’ll be good as new.”
She gave Delpha a look, and Delpha nodded at her and then faded away from the carousel.
Glenda smiled at Ethan. “As for you, young man, you come right to my trailer when you’re done with Gus. Tomorrow I’ll get Hank’s old trailer cleaned out and made up for you. You’ll have a place of your own.” Her eyes welled up again. “I’m so happy you’re home, Ethan.”
“Right,” Ethan said. “Don’t clean up the trailer, I’d rather sleep in the woods. Are you sure you’re all right walking around here? If somebody’s in the park–”
“We’re fine,” his mother said firmly, and he thought, She knows who it was. “I’m so glad you’re back,” she added.
“Me, too, Mom,” he lied and made plans to get whatever the hell was going on out of Glenda once they were alone.
#
Once away from the carousel, the park seemed darker than Ethan remembered it, and he realized it was because there was orange cellophane over the streetlights for the park’s Screamland weekends, the reason for the skeletons somebody had strewn around along with some giant spiders and—
A ghost flew in his face, empty-eyed and open-mouthed, and he bit off a yell as the pulley it was on yanked it back into the tree he’d just passed, not a ghost, just a skull beneath some white stuff that looked like fog but was probably cheesecloth.
“Jesus,” he said to Gus and Gus nodded.
“Mab knows how to make a ghost,” Gus said, and Ethan thought, I know how to make ghosts, too, and then concentrated on the park, nothing in the landscape doing anything for his incipient hangover. “Of all the times I could have picked to come home, I had to come for Screamland.”
“What’s that?” Gus said, cocking his head.
“I had to come home for Screamland,” Ethan said in a louder voice.
“‘Course you did,” Gus said. “Big party planned for Halloween cause that’s when the park’s gonna be all restored. We got media coming in Friday after next, get it on the news so a lotta people’ll come.” He sounded proud, like he talked about the media all the time.
“Great,” Ethan said in a normal voice and noticed that Gus didn’t hear. Well, he was old and running the damn Dragon Coaster couldn’t be easy on the ears.
The good news was the park would close after Halloween and stay closed until spring. He could stand two more weekends of the park full of screaming people and cheesecloth ghosts to spend whatever months he had left in solitude and quiet.
They passed the paddle boat dock. A figure moved in the shadows, watching them, and Ethan’s hand went toward the gun tucked into his vest.
“That’s Young Fred,” Gus said.
Ethan relaxed. “Related to Old Fred?”
“Grandson. Old Fred died ’bout seven years ago. Young Fred took over. He was only fifteen, but he stepped up.” Gus raised his voice to call out to the boy on the dock. “What are you doing out here?”
Young Fred shrugged as he came closer. “Heard the commotion from upstairs. Everything okay?”
“Mab fell down,” Gus said. “We gotta go run the Dragon.” He jerked his thumb toward Ethan. “This here is Ethan, Glenda’s boy.”
On that, Young Fred came all the way down to the end of the dock. “I heard about you,” he said to Ethan, admiration in his voice. “Big military hero. Navy SEAL.”
“Special Forces,” Ethan said, taking a dislike to Young Fred.
“Huh?” Young Fred said.
“Green Berets,” Ethan amplified.
“What are you doing here, man?” Young Fred said, dismissing that. “You got out of here. Why would you come back?”
“He came back cause this is his home,” Gus said sounding peeved. “We gotta go. You get on up to your place now.”
Young Fred took a last incredulous look at Ethan and went back to the boat dock.
“He lives up there,” Gus said. “Keeps an eye on the place. Good boy.” He sounded doubtful on the last part.
Ethan looked past the dock to the Keep, the dark tower looming in the center of the paddle-boat lake. The drawbridge which usually touched down on the end of the dock was up and there were no lights on in the restaurant on the first floor, which, if memory served him right, was unusual. Of course, his memory was temporarily being sat on by many slugs of Jack.
They passed the battered Fortunetelling Machine–Your Future For A Penny!–that he had learned early was a complete crock, and Delpha’s tent-shaped booth with the Delpha’s Oracle: Dreamland Psychic sign, the booth he’d carved a hole in the back of so he could listen to Delpha tell fortunes, which were not a crock. Then the Double Ferris Wheel, where he’d grabbed his first kiss, and the Pirate Ship with its two dozen jolly plastic pirates looking brand new which was a testament to that Mab woman’s skill; they’d been in pretty bad shape since the glorious afternoon when he was twelve that he’d beat the crap out of them with a wooden sword and declared himself King of the Pirates. Then the games—Carl’s Whack-A-Mole was still there–and the food booths–if he never had another funnel cake again it was too soon–and finally the struts and tracks of the Dragon Coaster, with its massive wooden dragon tunnel arching over the highest loop waiting to swallow the cars on their last ascent, and the seven-foot-high statue of the orange knight in front of the empty control booth, now patched and painted and looking
better than new. The whole thing looked great except for the dragon tunnel at the top: newly painted, it was still missing the eye it had lost before Ethan could remember.
Gus climbed the stairs onto the wooden platform and went into the small booth that controlled the ride. He threw a switch and the thousands of tiny green lightbulbs that lined the course of the ride came alive.
Lit now, it looked smaller than Ethan remembered from all the times he’d snuck out of Glenda’s trailer at midnight to watch the Dragon soar, the times that Gus had told him stories of demons in the park and made him count the rattles at the end. Five meant the park was safe, he remembered now. Demons all locked up. Gus had even given the demons names. Tura, the one that looked like a mermaid: Ethan had had some fantasies about her. Fufluns, the good-time demon. Two others he couldn’t remember. And
Kharos, the Devil. It was a miracle he’d never had nightmares. At least not from his childhood.
The freshly painted blue and green cars were ready to go, their scales gleaming in the green lights on the tracks. Ethan stood with Gus on the platform as the old man pulled out his pocket watch and flipped open the lid.
“It’s time.” Gus shut the watch, stuffed it back into a pocket on his vest, entered the small control booth, and hit the controls.
With a rattle, the cars began moving, heading toward the first turn, gleaming in the lights as they shuddered their way up the incline over the Keep lake, the entire ride rattling as if it were going to fall apart any second, then swooping down into the curves.
Ethan watched it in silence until the cars were slowly crawling up toward the pinnacle of the last loop, the dragon tunnel, at least a hundred feet into the air, the wooden struts supporting the track shivering and creaking in protest. The Dragon wouldn’t set any records for height. Or length. Or safety, Ethan thought, mesmerized by the creaking cars that sounded like they were going to collapse at any second. Maybe they shouldn’t be running it any more than they had to.
“Gus? Maybe–”
Gus waved him off, walked to the end of the platform and unhooked the chain that closed off the service walkway. He stepped onto the walkway and then leaned over, putting the right side of his head right on top of one of the rails.
“Geez, Gus, that’s dangerous,” Ethan said, but the old man couldn’t hear him, focused on the vibration of the coaster. Ethan walked over and stood on the walkway, prepared to snatch Gus out of the way if the old man didn’t move before the Dragon came home.
The coaster went through the tunnel and roared down, racing into the high bank corkscrew turn called the Dragon’s Tail. The cars slammed back and forth on the rails and then splashed through the shallow water at the bottom toward the long straightaway leading back to the platform, and Gus stood up as it came in, his face grim in the light from the control booth.
“What’s wrong?” Ethan asked, worried the old man was going to have a heart attack.
“Only four rattles.” Gus headed back to the control booth.
The Dragon pulled up to the platform, and Gus threw the lever, stopping it. The bars that kept people from falling out automatically lifted. He threw switches, powering down the ride, turning off the thousands of lights that lined the edge of the tracks, the pinpoint reflections in the water flashing out and leaving the lake lifeless. The park plunged back into darkness, a few streetlamps dotted here and there casting lonely cones of orange light through Glenda’s cellophane.
“Should be five. Means a demon is out.” Gus shook his head. “If we’re lucky, it’s Fufluns and not that devil Kharos.”
Ethan rubbed his pounding forehead. “Gus, I’m not twelve any more. You don’t need to tell me stories.”
“What stories?” Gus looked insulted. “We got a demon on the loose.” He shook his head. “I shoulda guessed that when Mab got run down.”
Gus believed there were demons. Ethan closed his eyes. He’d been away too long. Gus was losing more than his hearing, and Glenda had probably been trying to hold it together on her own. That impulse he’d had to resign and come home, maybe it wasn’t so insane after all.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go back to the trailers–”
He stopped, suddenly alert.
Nineteen years of Special Operations duty in the Army and three plus years in combat: no amount of alcohol could wash those instincts away. Ethan fumbled for the pistol, finally pulling it out, the grip sweaty in his left hand. He blinked trying to focus, searching back and forth, the muzzle of the gun following his eyes as he tried to see into the dark shadows. He grabbed Gus’s arm. “Come on now,” he said and saw Gus looking at his chest, frowning.
He looked down and saw a tiny red dot.
Uh-oh.
There was a muzzle flash, a round punching into his body armor, making the old bullet in his chest sear again as the impact knocked him backwards. He slammed into the ground, gasping for air as he lifted his head.
The shooter watched him for a moment and then sprinted away toward the front of the park. Ethan tried to raise the pistol and fire, but the pain in his chest was too much.
“Told you something was wrong,” Gus said, and Ethan passed out.
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121 Comments to 'Expectations Test'
On February 27, 2009 at 11:20 pm MJ said...
I’d definitely expect Mab and Ethan to end up together, overcoming demons, real-world bad guys, and even the bullet embedded against his heart.
The comment about Mab liking Fun Fun so much that she’d date him if he were real helps set up my expectations for romance.
On February 27, 2009 at 11:22 pm MJ said...
Oh – and this excerpt makes me want more!
On February 27, 2009 at 11:23 pm Deb said...
Along the adventure lines of Pirates of the Caribbean or Indiana Jones. ” Do you believe in ghost stories? You should, you’re in one”.
Best damn lines in Pirates.
This sounds like a very festive read.
On February 27, 2009 at 11:39 pm emily said...
i expect romance. and shenanigans.
this looks really good though, please ma’am may we have some more?
On February 28, 2009 at 12:52 am Jenny said...
ARGH. Mab and Ethan have NO chemistry. How can you expect them to end up together? I know, I know, because they’re there.
We’re doomed.
On February 28, 2009 at 1:04 am Sheri said...
I agree with MJ–I would expect Mab and Ethan to get together from this chapter. They are the only two young unattached people so far, other than Young Fred, who seemed a little odd and is definitely NOT hero material! Sorry. Even knowing that they won’t get together from your earlier post, I still find myself expecting it and being somewhat disappointed because I know it won’t happen.
But see, we haven’t met the girl who will be Ethan’s love interest yet, so I am sure it will be okay in the long run. Just not from this chapter. I would need to read more to get past the expected HEA for Mab with Ethan. And you will have to persuade me that this other girl is right for Ethan and that Mab is not.
Would I throw it against the wall because there is no HEA? Absolutely not. I am actually a little creeped-out about the huge clowns. Clowns scare the hell out of me. Ever watch “It”? Yeah. Thanks a lot… *grin* A demon-posessed clown. Just what I need to think about before going to bed.
On February 28, 2009 at 1:05 am SandieS said...
First, I think I’d compare this to Dean Kootz’s earlier works, with humor. I’m not a big Stephen King fan (I don’t like his characters) but some elements remind me of him too. I haven’t been following along that much on the early drafts of this, so that’s an unbiased perspective.
Ethan is a sympathetic character already. I’m worried about the bullet. Glenda and Del are intriguing.
The problem I see is that if this book isn’t a romance, the tone of the book and the main characters remind me of DLD and A&TH and I’d expect them to end up together.
I love your writing. I love the collaborations. But when an author heads in a different direction, usually the voice and tone of the book changes. If I’m reading this, I’m thinking romance and HEA based on DLD and A&TH.
I think a lot of readers are going to be disappointed unless you make it really clear in the beginning that romance between these two character is a no go.
Can’t wait to read it when it comes out. Crusie and Crusie/Meyer and Crusie et al are an automatic buy for me. Problem is, I don’t bother to read the back blurb or inside cover on an automatic buy. I’m just happy I know that there isn’t an HEA. I think if I read it without knowing that, I’d be very disappointed.
On February 28, 2009 at 1:10 am Sheri said...
Well, how do we KNOW that Mab and Ethan have no chemistry together? We just met them, they’ve just met each other–hope springs eternal and all that jazz. YOU know that because you wrote them that way–we still have to discover that. Can’t tell if there is chemistry or not from just one chapter…
So Mab only wants to save old run-down amusement parks and not run-down beat up soldiers? I gotta like a woman who prefers a gaudy painted clown over a flesh and blood man–sounds like a woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t settle for less than that.
On February 28, 2009 at 1:11 am Lois said...
I agree, that the comment about dating FunFun, does set the tone for a romance. That Mab is open to dating and all that entails.
I did not get the feel that she needs to “discover” herself or her place in the universe, or whatever future is in store for her.
I love Ethan’s knowing how to make ghosts comment, but at the same time my heart gave a little tug. Yes I would expect Mab to be able to help him heal, but that does not mean I expect a HEA.
I trust you and Bob will get us where Mab and Ethan need to be for a fulfilling read.
On February 28, 2009 at 1:13 am Anonymous said...
I respectfully suggest, if you don’t want to have the romance expectation any longer, you select a pen name and lit-fic yourself all over the place.
If you keep writing as Jennifer Crusie, your readers, (for whom you have provided some outstanding romances,) will continue to expect a romance from you.
~Anon Fan
On February 28, 2009 at 1:15 am Elyssa Papa said...
First, what an awesome excerpt of Wild Ride. Thanks so much for sharing it!
Actually, I wouldn’t expect this to be a romance between Mab and Ethan. I only got the friendly vibe between them, as in they’ll pair up, fight the evil, and nothing more. But, I do hope each of them get a HEA; it just doesn’t necessarily need to be with each other.
What are my expectations otherwise? I kind of would think of it as an adventure romance with para elements. It’s also going to be a fun book with snappy dialogue and snappier observations, but there’s also an underlying darkness to the tone. I think the title is somewhat indicative of what we, the reader, can expect—a wild ride. One minute, we might laugh, then be shocked into silence in the next. It keeps you on your toes. You’re not sure if Funfun did speak to her, or what it means, and if Ethan’s coming back is anything more. And, I totally loved Gus.
I like it and would read it.
On February 28, 2009 at 1:30 am Lois said...
To clarify, I think you get the point across that Ethan is coming home to die and therefore there can be no HEA, but by the same token I still want to believe that they are going to have some kind of special relationship, and maybe a “happy for as long as he is alive” will be their goal. Which is totally my own vision, because really Mab’s and Ethan’s interactions were minimal and I agree with Jenny, that they had no sizzling dialog or clues in any way that they are attracted to each other.
Maybe the problem is that it comes down to us being all die-hard romance fans and deep down we go into a story wanting a positive outcome.
I am sure that however the story progresses will be fine and the expereince of the book will be great, and the non-HAE ending will not detract from the overall satisfaction of the story. Readers love a good story…that is the bottom line!
On February 28, 2009 at 1:30 am El said...
Erm. See, if all I knew was this was a Crusie/Mayer called Wild Ride with this first chapter, I’d assume they get together, even though they really shouldn’t. Because the protagonists in your other two got together, even though the romances never really seemed believable to me.
So, lack of chemistry is actually not any reason to think they won’t get together. ‘Cause, for me at least, it has precedent.
Sorry.
Note that I *liked* the other books–just never really bought into the romances.
Which, if you could find some sort of promo that *implied* that… ouch. Sorry.
On February 28, 2009 at 1:56 am Ellie said...
Cannot wait to read more. Yes, I would expect Mab and Ethan to end up together. It just…seemed to fit. Will learn to deal if they don’t bust demons happily ever after together. What is right for the characters? “Do not write sex scenes” stuck with me. =)
On February 28, 2009 at 2:52 am Jenny said...
I was so sure the lack of chemistry between them–no banter, no appreciation of each other physically, no real bond between them–would take care of that.
For the record, they do both get HEAs. We’re not insane enough to kill one of them or leave one of them unhappy. But not with each other and Mab is not in a relationship at the end.
Well, this should be interesting. Tune in again in about a year when the book comes out and people are throwing things at us.
On February 28, 2009 at 3:07 am Kieran said...
I think Ethan’s touching her bloody scalp is an intimate gesture–I know people applying first aid have no choice but to do things like that, but still, that was unusual physical touch from a total stranger–even though Ethan didn’t react emotionally and Mab was like, ouch!
The part of my brain craving romance said, “I don’t care if there’s blood and pain. Cute meet.”
Of course the first aid bit lacked the crucial “instant awareness” factor. So I should have rid myself of that expectation, but it came on the heels of Mab’s date remark, so the romantic in me thought, “He’s her potential hero, and she’s his potential savior.”
You know, my reaction is all about what I want to see. You did a good job of keeping chemistry out of the scene. Somehow I put it in.
Sigh.
I loved everything I read, by the way. And this will work out.
On February 28, 2009 at 3:40 am Jenny said...
So I should take out the date remark.
It’s kind of out of character for Mab anyway.
On February 28, 2009 at 3:42 am Vicki V. said...
Even after everything you’ve said, the romance vibe is there. Ethan is clearly hero material, and that alone gives me a romance vibe. I’ve just read too many romances with seemingly impossible setups that worked out for a HEA.
Yeah, there’s no banter but the situation doesn’t allow for banter. And no visable chemistry in a scene like this, is not at all the same as two people bored out of their minds watching paint dry becuase that’s more interesting than talking to each other.
Unless you plan to change Ethan’s intro to …
Ethan John Wayne
#rubbed his bald head and scratched his fat belly as he#
stared across the causeway at the locked iron gates that led to to Dreamland as the sound of his taxi faded into the darkness. Something was missing on the other side of the gate, but it had been a long time since he’d been home, and he
couldn’t figure out what it was. Well, maybe they’d moved something. A lot of things changed in
#sixty years.#
I think you’re screwed.
Vicki V.
On February 28, 2009 at 5:00 am Mel said...
I would expect a romance of some sort to be part of the book from this. I’d go with a romance with others once you show me it doesn’t work between E&M but in this you’ve got heroine material single gal introduced followed by hero material single guy introduced. Classic romance structure so romance readers are going to think it’s romance. And I didn’t care about no chemistry cos the situation didn’t call/allow for chemistry.
Maybe what might work would be sticking with Mab longer before Ethan comes along…if she’s interacted with other characters before he comes along, we might not immediately lock onto him as the romance hero. More like an urban fantasy or something where there’s usually a love interest but not always who you think it is and the love interest isn’t the main point and they’re often introduced later in the book. I know it’s tricky with the two protags both having viewpoints but maybe a couple of scene’s with Mab which could establish a more mystery/paranormal tone and then intro Ethan (or vice versa) and then switch to Ethan and a bit more closer to antagonism between them so that it’s not a complete huh? when two other love interests show up. Something that varies the tried and true romance set-up scene pattern anyway, if that makes sense. But it’s going to annoy some readers anyway. Doing the blurb will be interesting.
On February 28, 2009 at 7:31 am Laura Vivanco said...
Yes, I agree with the others. Given what happens in all your previous novels, if you begin a book by establishing that there are two main characters, one of whom has heroine-potential (i.e. she’s female and not completely repulsive) and the other of whom has hero-potential (i.e. he’s male and not completely repulsive), then a romance reader is probably going to expect a romance.
Even if one of these characters turned out not to be single, your readers know you had a married heroine in Tell Me Lies so that might not derail the expectations. And a lack of chemistry isn’t necessarily going to be enough to derail those expectations either; after all, Mr Darcy initially said that Lizzy wasn’t handsome enough to tempt him, but that didn’t stop him getting an HEA with her.
The only two things I can think of that might help would be to
(a) make one or both of the protagonists homosexual.
(b) have Ethan remember a girl from his childhood in the park. Then if she turns up, the reader may think that she’s the one for Ethan, and that Mab (given the comment she made) wants to date a clown (but only if it’s the wooden one, not the metal one, because she was scared of the metal one). See, that last bit is proof of how a romance reader can find potential romance in anything. But it’s a paranormal. Who’s to say that the hero for Mab isn’t a wooden clown? Pinocchio came to life, didn’t he? Pygmalion married a statue that came to life, didn’t he?
Hmm. Yes, so, there you go. If someone’s a devoted romance reader, they’re likely to see potential for a romance even when/where you don’t want them to.
Maybe if you have something on the cover explaining that it isn’t a romance, and the cover picture either doesn’t include either of the protagonists or includes a large group of people of equal size, that might help warn readers not to expect a romance.
On February 28, 2009 at 7:40 am Deborah said...
I look for romance in every book I read. Even my child’s American History book, so I’m the wrong person to ask. However, I did notice the lack of banter between Mab and Ethan, and having been forewarned through Argh Ink that it wasn’t a romance, wasn’t looking for it. I did, however, assume that Ethan would die. After all, Bob is writing the character, although he does tend to kill off the female character, doesn’t he.
I spent many a year reading what I affectionately call “trashy romance.” I loved every one of them, but after having read “Bet Me,” I started to look for something a little bit “deeper.” What I love about your books is the flawed characters: that they’re older, like me, and not a size 2, definitely not me, and they’re smart, like me, I think. I also love the dialogue between the characters in your books. That’s what I’ll be looking for in “Wild Ride.”
On February 28, 2009 at 7:48 am Jamie said...
Sorry, the chapter and your previous books give me the expectation of romance between Mab and Ethan, as well, even if their romance vibe at first sight is low.
She restores things. He’s in need of restoration. She’s possessive of the park. The park is Ethan’s home. I’m seeing them linked in more ways than just acting in the same scene together.
As for Mab’s lack of chemistry–she’s just been run down by a talking metal clown and hurt her head. Not exactly the time to be thinking how hot this new guy is.
As for Ethan, he’s out of touch with his feelings, focused on death, exhausted and has been drinking. I wouldn’t expect him to have a lightning bolt moment of realization she’s the one.
Since we’re in Ethan’s vp when you have her stepping back to avoid Ethan’s touch, we don’t know exactly why, which makes me wonder why. Is she just not into people helping her? Is she unexpectedly interested in this stranger? Is she afraid of men? And if Mab was willing to date a clown, (I cracked up at that line) obviously she has some relationship issues also to work out.
I would expect Mab and Ethan take a longer time to become aware of their feelings for each other. It may be a draft, but I already want them together, even if it is only a happily for now.
On February 28, 2009 at 8:24 am Kathleen said...
You’ve asked a very interesting question of us as readers: what sets up our expectations? I think our expectations are defined by our experiences with the books we’ve read. Most books that set up a male/female pair of protagonists are going to explore their relationship as well as the problem they must solve. The choice of a male/female pairing makes that almost inevitable. And because we all want to believe in the power of love, we want those relationships to move forward together. In addition, I expect there to be a relationship from this pair because of the type of characters they are: a woman still working with great care on top of a carousel at midnight and clearly loving her work (which makes her a kind, loving person by default) and a hero who has come home to die yet still rushes to the damsel’s rescue! Then he takes another bullet to the chest/heart! Voila! Hero and Heroine and that leads to HEA. (for me at least, because in the best of worlds, the evil are punished and the good are rewarded with love!)
On February 28, 2009 at 9:53 am Jill said...
I don’t know what I would think this was. The whole creepy carnival vibe gives me Ray Bradbury feeling. I do know I want to read more.
Even then, some people are going to hold out hope.
I also agree with Kathleen’s comment that it is hard to have a male female protagonist duo and not have people expect some romance. Even in other genres and media this is true. Look at the X-Files, many many mystery series, etc. Writers almost have to do something very exaggerated to make it clear the protagonists won’t end up together, like huge age difference, one of them’s a nun, etc
Or you establish Ethan’s romance very very quickly so people have a chance to adjust early on.
I think the best chance at distinguishing this is a dramatically different cover than your last two Crusie/Mayer collaborations and the back blurb. No blurbs from anyone too “romancy” either. No letting anyone cross-shelve in the romance aisle either.
On February 28, 2009 at 9:53 am Chelle said...
Okay, yes, if your name is on the cover I’m expecting an HEA for whatever heroine I attach to in the story. At this point, I’m expecting the same thing for Bob’s characters when the two of you write together. However, I didn’t feel there was any chemistry between Mab and Ethan. There was potential there because they were both introduced at the beginning, but that’s all.
This is just the first chapter. As a reader, I know that LOTS can happen and be set up in the next chapters. Even though I start out thinking that one thing is going to happen, what makes a story interesting is when what I expect DOESN’T HAPPEN. So, okay, Mab and Ethan don’t end up together. As long as I’m still attached to those characters AND I attach to whomever shows up next, I’m going to read until the end to find out what happens to all of them.
Whether they end up together or not.
Babe, you gotta write the book that wants to be written. You really need to breathe and stop over-thinking this before you make yourself nutsoburgers.
Will some people throw things at you? Probably. So what. Has anyone anywhere ever written a book that met every reader’s expectations? You’re never going to be able to please every single reader. There will always be quilt ladies out there ready to pour their issues all over your book.
The good news is that we will always love you!
On February 28, 2009 at 10:01 am Anne B. said...
Quick question… how old is Ethan? If he’s a similar age as Mab, that feeds the romantic expectations. On the other hand, I could totally see this turning into a surrogate brother-sister thing. Mab doesn’t seem to need anyone to rescue her, and Ethan hasn’t (in the first chapter anyway) registered much outside himself. Both seem like their ‘available’ signs are NOT lit. Neither one seems aware of the opposite sex as anything other than people, except for the dating the clown bit (which I agree should probably go). Hope this helps! I can’t wait to read more!
On February 28, 2009 at 10:04 am Jenny said...
Oh, somebody always throws things. I can’t make everybody happy.
I just don’t want this book to be misleading. But it sounds like the expectation is there regardless of what I write, so I’ll just have to tough it out. They do meet other people in the first act, so there’s that.
Trying to control expectation can make you insane. I’ll just foreshadow as best I can and pray.
Ethan and Mab are exactly the same age. Born on the same day. Why yes, that is significant.
On February 28, 2009 at 10:17 am romsfuulynn said...
Ok. From my point of view, you don’t kill off your first chapter viewpoint characters, and one of them should end up in a relationship with some ongoing potential. Unless this is an ongoing series.
All else is optional. You can introduce one or more other viewpoint or non-viewpoint characters, but I want a female viewpoint who ends up with the HE, even if not HEA.
On February 28, 2009 at 10:20 am Liz said...
Based on that, your name, and the previous collaborations I would expect romance. It doesn’t take a lot for me, though, to expect romance between a male and female character. Especially if they have an interesting first meeting in the first chapter, are close to or are the same age, and are set up to be he protagonists of the book.
I expect the same even out of a book that’s not a romance novel. I know that if I’m reading a suspense novel or a mystery novel that chances are if there’s a male and a female main character then chances increase of them seeing each other naked at some point in the book. Even if I don’t expect an HEA.
On February 28, 2009 at 11:06 am Susan D said...
Uh, twins separated at birth? That’ll kill the romantic potential quicker than Vicki’s suggestion of bald head and fat belly or Laura’s idea that one or both are gay.
I think that’s about it: gay or ewww or sibs are about the only non-negotiables for blocking the expectation of romance between your two highly eligible characters.
The expectation is pretty much hard-coded into Crusie readers. You can make one married and the other pope, you can have them loathe each other on sight (as is so often the case in romances), you can deny with both hands that it’s a romance, but I’m still going to expect them to end up together.
On February 28, 2009 at 11:20 am Libby said...
The Cinderella thought made me think of it as a romance.
On February 28, 2009 at 11:25 am Marta said...
Wait a YEAR????
Okay. Taking deep breaths. The pain will subside. Probably in about a year.
Anyway, yes, from that excerpt I’d definitely be thinking romance. As Sheri said, we only just met these characters. Not showing chemistry isn’t enough. You have to make it clear they DON’T have chemistry. Romantic chemistry, that is. And there’s the problem; if the hero and heroine don’t have some type of chemistry, we won’t like them.
For instance, in Bet Me, we know instantly that David and Min don’t have chemistry. But, how you make that clear is largely by making David unlikable, or less likable. That’s usually how it’s done. And, by likable, I don’t mean nice.
Haven’t we all read at least one book where we thought the heroine would have been better off with the villain, just because we liked him better? In movies, it’s usually when Alan Rickman is the villain. Rickman does such lovely, magnetic villains.
So, for us to like the hero and heroine, there’s got to be plenty of magnetism and chemistry happening. For us not to feel jilted by no joint HEA, it’s got to be clear early on either their chemistry won’t be mixing romantically, or the fate of the world depends on their chemistry not continuing to mix romantically. I mean, as much as Rick and Ilsa deserved the joint HEA in Casablanca, in 60 years no one’s ever felt cheated that they chose to save the world instead.
How to make no romantic link clear at the start is a stumper. My only suggestion is extremely lame. When introducing Mab to Ethan, Glenda could add something along the lines of “If you’d had a sister, she’d have been a ringer for Mab.” And to add to the lameness, Mab could think, “Yeah, he’s got Big Brother written all over him”. And Ethan could think, “Maybe having a sister would’ve made this place less nuts. She looks like my idea of a bratty kid sister.”
I know. I know. Not even deserving of a thank you for playing.
On February 28, 2009 at 11:43 am Rachel said...
The date line definitely made me think HEA for Mab. I don’t suppose you could make them cousins? No one expects cousins to end up together in a modern novel, do they?
Or…is there any way Ethan could run into his HEA woman before he sees Mab? Not a huge encounter, think Harry seeing Ginny on Platform 9 3/4 in Harry Potter. It wasn’t a romantic encounter, but it was enough to set up the possibility and not make it seem so obvious when he met Hermione later. Though I like this as the beginning to the book, and I obviously have no idea if it’s possible.
I really don’t know. I suspect that no matter what you do, there will be readers who are disappointed that your protagonists don’t get the HEA together. On the other hand, if as the book goes along, it becomes really, really obvious that the woman who’s Ethan’s HEA is much, much better suited to him than Mab is (and that Ethan is in no way suited to Mab), it’ll probably work out. I know I’ll be reading no matter what!
On February 28, 2009 at 11:48 am Sheri said...
Oh, don’t take out the “I would date you if you were real” bit with the clown. It shows the fact that her man has to be an over-the-top kind of guy for her to fall for him–I mean, she is into a CLOWN with horribly gaudy clothes! But I disagree with the observation that she doesn’t need a man to rescue her–witness her screaming like a girl (albeit I would have done the same if a large metal clown had come to life!)when FunFun talks to her. And Ethan running to her rescue. Definitely hero and damsel in distress situation.
As for you, Jenny–BREATHE, woman! Lord have mercy! This is only the first chapter–so much more has to happen still, and there is plenty of time for us to figure out that Ethan and Mab are much better off as a brother and sister sort of duo than a romantic couple! I just wish we didn’t have to wait an entire year to find out why! It’s gonna be fine. Your readers will be fine. Bob’s readers are going to say “what the heck is this?” but that will be okay also! Think about it–Bob’s readers have gone from blood and gore to YEX and now paranormal romance-y stuff with clowns–mo wonder he writes under so many different names! Harder to hunt him down and smack him with stuff! LOL!
I guess what you should do is tell everyone that Ethan and Mab are actually more like you and Bob–Bob has a SO and dogs and lives on the beach, while you are happy living in your house on the river (by yourself) with your herd of Dachshunds, and it’s all good. Remember, there were a lot of people out there trying to make you and Bob romantically inclined when you first started collaborating. Sorry–it’s just the genre and the people you write for–they can find romance in anything!
On February 28, 2009 at 11:52 am Brooke said...
Born on the same day? Can they *look* like siblings? and get an instant squick from that?
Mab’s “date” line does not work for me. I think you do promise a romance if you have her saying things like that.
So instead, what can you promise the reader? Longing for familial connection, but not necessarily a man? and then she thinks about her own mother, accepts – for the zillionth time – that she’s a strictly solo act – and go from there?
On February 28, 2009 at 12:29 pm Deb said...
Usually in a Romance, the 2 protagonists have a “moment”. Brief though it may be, either through conversation or implied thru their inner musings, we are lead to believe the romance is about to begin. There was none of that in the chapter given here. No sparks, no sizzle, nothing. Very little interaction or notice. Just Ethan’s concern for Mab’s possible injury. Even that was very minimal. More like a reflex on his part.
The only reason I can see as an expectation of a romance brewing, is that you wrote it. Looking at it as a stand alone story, author unknown, No, I don’t see the romance. I see Demons, ghosts, trouble and humor.
On February 28, 2009 at 12:33 pm robena grant said...
So Mabs’ date line becomes she’d date the clown if it was female. Then we’d know there would be no match with Ethan. ; )
Ethan comes in like a hero and that’s where the current expectation of romance is, at least for me. She’s hurt and screams, he comes to the rescue, they’re both single and kind of loners. And there is the touching of her head, even though it’s first aid. Yep, I’d expect a romance at least from this chapter but wouldn’t mind if there wasn’t one in the end.
On February 28, 2009 at 12:39 pm Lori J. said...
I agree that Ethan touching Mab is too intimate and foreshadows a romance.
Since this is a paranormal story, can you foreshadow Glenda’s and Mab’s relationship in the first scene? I’m guessing Glenda is to be a ‘good witch’ and is involved in helping Mab with her new powers to fight the demons? As written, the first scene gives me no feelings of any relationship between Mab and Glenda. The only example I can give is Buffy and her Watcher. Though I could be completely wrong on Glenda’s relationship with Mab, but if not, I think I’d start with that relationship first before starting on the non-romantic relationship with the hero.
Just my .02 cents.
On February 28, 2009 at 12:47 pm Diane (TT) said...
I don’t mind the “date” line as potential foreshadowing, but perhaps you could shade it a little more (add more about what Mab is looking for), because a woman who wants to date a clown has a LOT of issues, and will probably not end up with someone like Ethan.
I think if 1 or more “eligible” (single, not-unattractive, interesting) people were to show up in the first scene (maybe, gasp, even with a POV), it might mute the expectations. One man POV, one woman POV, sort of sets up for one relationship seen from two sides. There is not enough interaction to say that there’s no chemistry, and anything in the bumped head thing that makes that clearer would probably turn us completely off one of the characters.
Maybe you could write a prologue! I’m sure that would do it.
On February 28, 2009 at 1:02 pm MJ said...
As for no chemistry – there’s so much symbolism indicating they have issues to overcome: her hard hat. His scar over his heart. Her preferring statues to people. His being unable to scale the fence on first try.
So, hopeful romantic that I am, I’m willing to settle, in this first scene, for the basic first-aid touch as an indication of chemistry to come.
As others have said, if I read more and learned they weren’t right for each other, I’d probably be ok.
And also as others have said…a whole YEAR?? Rats.
On February 28, 2009 at 1:06 pm Chrissy Deffendall said...
Is this the first chapter? Or does it come later? Sounds like a first chapter, but if it’s not, then my comment won’t apply.
Here we go: In most romances that I’ve read, if a man and woman meet in the first chapter, it means that they will end up together in an HEA on the last page.
OTH, I will not throw things at you, Jenny, no matter what happens to Mab and Ethan (together or separately).
On February 28, 2009 at 1:31 pm tennis41 said...
Here’s my two cents (For what its worth) I’m trying HARD to be just crusie/mayer reader and fan and not a lurker of HWSW and your website. Honestly, as the former, I don’t care how you package this book. I’ve read your other two and they were romances so I expect this one to be too. Sorry. I know this might be your last book. Why not make your reader happy and imply romance at least?
On February 28, 2009 at 2:32 pm GatorPerson said...
I know, I know! You need a prologue.
Now that I’ve got your attention, the Crusie/Mayer thing, along with the first apparently eligible male and female lend itself to thinking romance, as others have said.
Reading it as if I didn’t know who wrote it, I’m not sure. I might also decide this is more of an English YA mystery with youngish people getting to know each other and teaming up to solve the puzzle.
What I did read into it lots of things that go bump in the night. The first few paragraphs had the Jaws theme running through my head. The mother and the black-clad female seem possibly creepy and up to nefarious night-bumping things. Maybe creepy female fired the shot.
And I’m betting creepy female will turn out to be Ethan’s love interest, although there’s no hint of that.
An aside for me is that I would write her name MAB, not Mab, since her name is made up of her initials.
On February 28, 2009 at 2:34 pm Mary Stella said...
Jenny, I think the expectation is there because the initial meeting between Ethan and Mab is so brief but it includes an intimacy — even if it’s just a brief check of her skull. It’s entirely possible that if we’d read more that expectation wouldn’t form.
I have a question for you. These scenes establish that Ethan has a long history with family and home at Dreamland. How long has Mab been at the park?
For me, it would totally work if Mab and Ethan already knew each other. Maybe they’ve always been friends or friends who consider each other more like non-blood-related family. If that’s established in the beginning (After letting him check her head, Mab fake slugs him on the shoulder, then hugs him and says, “Welcome home, petname/insult”, I would understand that they have a bond but that it isn’t romantic. This would lessen my expectation of a romance between the two. It would seem natural to me for them to fight demons together while developing their separate HEAs.
On February 28, 2009 at 2:36 pm jenifer said...
Reading this, I expect a relationship to develop between Mab and Ethan, though not necessarily that they’ll have a HEA together. Lack of chemistry doesn’t really matter. There’s so much else going on that I figure you can get to chemistry later.
The Cinderella and dating the clown parts both point to a romance happening.
Plus, other than fixing the clown and the fortune telling machine, I don’t know what Mab does want.
Still, I’ve gone into books with certain expectations and had them not met. Sometimes that makes the book a wallbanger, but it can also just make it fun discovering what really is there, rather than what I expected to be there.
Knowing that you’re both fabulous writers, I will trust you take me on a wild, satisfying ride with this book even if my romance expectations are not met. I’d guess that most readers of your books would come into this expecting romance but ultimately be willing to give you their trust.
Readers who do not know your other books won’t necessarily have the romance expectation, but they also won’t have the same level of trust, so it seems it’s their expectations you need to be most concerned with when setting up the beginning of the book.
On February 28, 2009 at 2:41 pm Deb said...
After reading the comments about symbolism, etc. I felt like I missed something. This is what I see:
Mab feels self pride in her restoration of FunFun. She glues the flute in it’s hand, but it moves. What the hell? Any foreshadowing here comes from the raven, Frankie. Ravens typically foreshadow death.
Glenda and Delpha knows she’s up there and orders her down. She comes down and is knocked into by something/someone. Screams.
Meanwhile Ethan arrives, at his Home. He hears screaming and runs. As he’s coming home from conflict, his warrior instincts kick in. Greets Mom, is hugged. Meets a bag lady, checks her wound. Glenda says she’s glad he’s home, he can take over. (Take over what?) Yes, he’s got a bullet lodged in his chest, near his heart. This foreshadows pain, physical to me. And probably more danger.
Gus greets him, takes him over to check on the Dragon, telling him about the demons. These are stories from his youth. Gus starts the ride, leans over and hears 4 not 5 tracks. Yep, Demon’s loose. Ethan sees a tell tale red dot and avoids getting shot. Maybe those ghosts stories weren’t just an entertainment for a young boy. Gus knows somethings wrong. Possibly been going on for years.
All this says to me is action/adventure with humor. Nope don’t see the romance here.
On February 28, 2009 at 3:26 pm Marta said...
There are degrees of happy. Because I do like the whole joint HEA deal, I might be happier if Mab and Ethan finish that way. It doesn’t mean I won’t be happy if they don’t, though.
I’d be unhappy if I’m tricked into believing in joint HEA when it’s never in the cards.
I’d be most unhappy if Jenny or Bob retreated from telling a story as they see it just to please me. That, I suspect, would end with root-bound writers and none of us happy.
On February 28, 2009 at 3:50 pm McB said...
I think for me is was Ethan’s outrage, not the date comment. Actually it’s probably the two together. First Mab is thinking dates and then she screams and Ethan rushes to the rescue and gets protective. So even though I KNOW there’s no romance there …
But I’m totally pulled in to the story.
On February 28, 2009 at 4:03 pm Susan D said...
Okay, how about this: Instead of thinking “date”, she could think, If he were real, he’d make a great brother….
Or, you could establish her as just another Princess Leia looking for her Luke Skywalker.
On February 28, 2009 at 4:03 pm wavybrains said...
My gut level reaction is to expect MAB and Ethan to end up together. At the very least, I’m expecting a HEA for each with SOMEONE unless Ethan turns out to be a villain. In both Agnes and the Hitman and Don’t Look Down, it was clear from the first chapter that these weren’t typical contemporary single title romances, but I still felt like a HEA for the female protagonist was promised (and delivered).
If there is not going to be a HEA, I want to be well prepared for it. Or I want book 2 where there IS a HEA. Could you maybe tailor the cover blurbs to make it clear that this is a radical departure from your previous work? I would read a tax handbook if you wrote it, but I think readers would react better to a departure from HEA land with a bit more preparation.
For comparison (slight spoiler here) I’m still a bit let down by Sugar Daddy by Lisa Kleypas, who I love, love, love, but I really felt like one HEA was foreshadowed for 2/3 of the novel, and then readers were handed a DIFFERENT HEA. A good HEA that made sense, but still . . .disapointed. I wish that I hadn’t been so invested in the other possible HEA.
On February 28, 2009 at 4:08 pm doris in munich said...
I told my dh to read it and tell me what he would the story expect to turn out. He came back quite startled from reading the first chapter, saying he’d first thought to read a romance novel and then somehow it went on to resemble a whodunit. So now I’m quite curious what me own reaction is going to be (I haven’t read the comments yet so my view isn’t skewed)
On February 28, 2009 at 4:31 pm Chris V said...
So are M and E like Buffy and Xander? This will totally work. Sure readers might be thinking romance, but it’s the *first* chapter, we’re just getting oriented to the world, not naming M and E’s kids. You mentioned reversals to come- we’ll learn as we go. I’m in.
On February 28, 2009 at 5:02 pm Deborah said...
Maybe you should show us another scene. Then we’d get a better feel for where their relationship is going. Just a suggestion.
On February 28, 2009 at 5:18 pm Anette said...
I’m afraid anyone, who has read A&H, would expect the same kind of development in this story; Mab and Ethan come across so much like Agnes and Shane. The only way I can see to avoid this would be getting their other interests on stage right away.
On February 28, 2009 at 5:28 pm Brussel Sprout said...
As it stands, for me, there was sufficient contact for there to be chemistry later, and my immediate expectation was ‘ah, there we go, there’s the couple’. The meet was cute, but if you made them Leia and Luke, that would work. Even if it was in a weird paranormal way.
On February 28, 2009 at 5:41 pm Bridget said...
I think the others are right.
A nice prologue should fix this sucker right up.
Look, they meet cute. Am I going to hold you to that anymore than I expected Nell to end up with Riley because they slept together? Do not make yourself crazy trying to figure out whether or not we’re going to be disappointed. Did I think I wanted to read about china? No. You made me like china. Ethan’s love interest doesn’t need to be in this scene (that’s what a prologue is for) – she just needs to show up before I see these two in bed.
How many writers get sidetracked trying to write to reader expectations and end up writing the same damn book over and over again. BOLD DEPARTURE & PARANORMAL all over the cover and give us a good book.
Of course, an epilogue showing Mab’s happy ending couldn’t hurt either.
Prologues & epilogues – you must be dying here.
On February 28, 2009 at 6:56 pm Deborah Morrissey said...
For me, it’s the structure that makes me think a romance is coming: story intro from female pov, immediately followed by intro from male pov. Many, many romances start that way.
Now, if there were an intermediate section from the pov of someone who is obviously not a romantic candidate (Glenda, Delpha), that would be enough to throw off the assumption that the first guy introduced will be paired with Mab.
On February 28, 2009 at 8:50 pm eve said...
I think that expectations aside, it is quite possible to fall in love with a book that does not explore the cliche “girl meets boy and then…” scenario. However, I think a few questions should be clearly explained in the beginning so the reader isn’t wondering, “well, why the hell not?? it’s not real life”
why are they not together? both are single, attractive, likable people. what is it they makes their relationship strictly platonic? why would they get the most out of a friendship rather than romance? as in – well, ok, why are they gonna become better people by not sleeping with each other?
what needs to be definite is that they are two characters with separate plot lines. like if you think about it from a tv show point of view – new characters are being introduced all the time, so there is no need to make something happen.
I feel like there just needs to be a distinction that makes them more like brother and sister. perhaps their conversations could highlight each other’s journey and character evolving in a familial way. I don’t know if that makes sense but more forgiving humor as in the speech patterns one would often hear from relatives.
hope that helps.
On February 28, 2009 at 8:53 pm OH said...
I agree with what has been said above (uh, not so much the prologue but the rest).
‘Someone hit you?’ Ethan said, feeling something that would have been outrage once.
This actually shows romance to me. While he’s disconnected with his feelings, if he wasn’t he would feel something for her. Just because outrage seems like a very strong word, with a protective slant over someone he doesn’t know yet. (Which reads romance hero to me.)
On February 28, 2009 at 8:55 pm eve said...
oh, and also, wasn’t it Snow White with the bluebirds? I don’t remember Cindy and the woodland fetish
On February 28, 2009 at 9:28 pm Corinne said...
I don’t quite know what I would expect from a book that begins like this–it is clearly going to be a very quirky book, what with the demon-infested amusement park, and the drunks wandering all over the place, and the restoration job (btw, did Glenda hire Mab to do the restoration work, or is she working in the middle of the night because she’s a volunteer?). I don’t see any immediate signals that Mab and Ethan are meant to be a couple, but because everything that is going on is so weird I can see why people might default into seeing them that way as a way of making sense of what they’re reading.
I was a faithful reader of the “He Wrote, She Wrote” blog and learned all about the horror of infodump, but in this case a bit more direction for the reader might be helpful, in that it could nudge the reader into defaulting where you want her to go until the book explains more about what’s going on. I mean, since I read the other post I knew that they weren’t going to be a couple so my mind didn’t go in that direction– but I can see why it could have done.
On February 28, 2009 at 9:44 pm GatorPerson said...
Please!!! I was joking about the prologue, just to get someone’s attention who may be militantly against prologues and epilogues. And I wonder who that is?
Just put the words in the back blurb that it’s not the usual comedy romance. A nice banner on the front might be helpful, too.
On February 28, 2009 at 10:01 pm Cat said...
I find myself in the minority because I don’t get the romance vibe between Ethan and Mab. Is it because I knew beforehand? Maybe. BUT, knowing beforehand I feel I was able to be objective for feedback purposes.
I didn’t get a romantic lead up from that snippet. Mab isn’t sitting there nursing a wounded heart or contemplating how she is alone. There are no remarks about her dating the wrong kinda man either.
The remark “He was definitely fabulous. If he’d been real, she’d have dated him.” didn’t strike me as a romantic lead in either. Maybe having a love affair isn’t on her radar right now. Sometimes a girl isn’t looking for Mr. Right but can appreciate a Mr. Right Now every now and again
When Ethan walks up, there isn’t any hint to physical attraction. Ethan isn’t “saving” her, even though she has a bump on the head from a runaway metal demon possessed clown. Then when he does inspect her head there are no sparks, it was kinda clinical.
I think that if the writer stays true to the characters and their journey then the reader will be happy. The few times I have been disappointed was because the ending differed from the setup. The writer lost the voice of the character or the end betrayed the beginning and middle.
Well folks there you have it, the two pennies that were rattling around my brain.
On February 28, 2009 at 10:39 pm McB said...
Maybe insert just a – what’s the word – soupçon of antagonism at that first meeting. Or let the reader into their heads for a moment. What are their reactions to each other? Show us that there is no spark there.
Part of the perception I think is that we like both of them so there’s a tendency towards matchmaking. Show us why that’s not a possibility.
On February 28, 2009 at 10:40 pm JulieB said...
I did not see any chemistry between the two. I think I might wonder if it would develop since they were both single. Also, I might wonder how it compared to your previous novels as a previous reader. But I do not think the writing is signalling a romance. That clown was creepy.
On February 28, 2009 at 10:42 pm JulieB said...
I don’t think there should be antagonism. I’ve seen that done too many times … they don’t like each other but end up in bed baloney. That will really mislead readers.
On February 28, 2009 at 11:37 pm El said...
Same birth date? If you rename them Luke and Leia, that would kill the romance idea dead!
:hehehe:
On February 28, 2009 at 11:45 pm WapakGram said...
I’m not reading the first chapter…give me a winkie button.
I know you write because of the girls in the basement. I know you write because the doggies need to eat and so do you and Bob.
Write what you think needs to be written. We have your back with golden shovels at the ready. If I had sold as many books as you have sold, I would probably offer my opinion. But I haven’t. So I am trusting you to deliver something to amuse or confuse me.
As long as you have the Cruise “flavor” in the book, I have to say that I don’t care if it is vanilla or Superman flavored. Just that it is there to be read.
After totally not seeing the end of AATH coming, I’m sure this book will take me on a wild ride to the end also.
And yes, I do hold the tiara for most run on sentences, thank you very much.
Maybe you should put the book down and visit C. That will put everything out of your head and give you time to breathe.
On March 1, 2009 at 12:17 am eve said...
EL — OMGROTFLMAO!! youre good
On March 1, 2009 at 1:58 am Meagan said...
Can I just say kudos for stepping out of your genre and trying something new. And I will admit that I will want and almost expect to read a HEA out of your work, I am really intrigued and curious to see how you will pull off a non HEA.
And about the making them siblings to dispel the romance issue will not necessarily work. The YA series Mortal instruments has two characters that find themselves sibs in the first book. Even though I was a little disturbed by the sparks that were flying between the characters, I still want them to end up together. Plus it helps that you know in the end they will not be.
So I am overly looking forward to your book and will read it no matter what. Remember you cannot always please everybody. I just wish it was not a whole year til I get to read it.
On March 1, 2009 at 2:49 am El said...
Eve–Awww…..
On March 1, 2009 at 3:07 am RfP said...
With that structure and pace, it reads like a romance.
- Meet heroine. Rooted, artistic, a fixer, cares about older people.
- Unexpected scary! Poor heroine needs help.
- Meet hero. Tough, has tough guy skills, has issues, needs a home, shows up at just the right time.
Not that it’s vapid like that, but it has those genre elements–certainly enough for the “shippers” to get their hopes up. In a suspense thriller, there’s often a prologue-like beginning (and yes, they often suck). In a mystery, there’s often an opening crime. In fantasy there would be some world stuff and probably something happening to the hero. The singular focus on heroine, then hero is characteristic of romance.
But mostly:
“I’ll just have to tough it out.”
Yup.
On March 1, 2009 at 6:37 am Ingrid said...
I would expect a romance too, going by form and reading this first chapter.
As to chemistry: none of your couples seem to fall into immediate lust and/or love. They always seem to need a little while to warm to the idea, which makes them more true to life, in my opinion.
But when the time comes, I’ll buy this book and read it. I like happily ever after, but it’s not a prerequisite.
On March 1, 2009 at 7:44 am AgTigress said...
I don’t feel any particular expectations about the future relationships of the characters, and I am always happy to leave that to the writer anyway. The characters and the setting are both undoubtedly vivid and intriguing.
What I do feel is the frantic overload of far too much happening too soon and at breakneck speed. I like to be eased into a fictional milieu and its inhabitants, not dropped in all at once from a great height, with a resounding splash. It takes my breath away, and not in a good way. This is one of the reasons why I so often enjoy scene-setting prologues (and I am serious here, not joking). In this case, I would have liked to get the word-picture of the setting first, before I met the characters. Taking in the place and its denizens simultaneously is rather too much for my aged brain – the pictures in my head get scrambled. I expect I am an atypical reader.
Sorry, but you did ask.
On March 1, 2009 at 8:27 am doris in munich said...
Okay, so last night I read the first chapter. I didn’t expect (since the question was about expectation) to read something so eerie and almost creepy, so for me, this definitely had the feel of a horror story. Well, it was past midnight and everyone was asleep and I’m very easily put into an eerie mood, so maybe not many would consider this chapter to be of a horror story, I guess.
I really liked it though and it has definitely wetted my appetite, so now I want to read on in spite of me not being a horror/paranormal fan at all!!
About Mab and Ethan: Mab has the typical Crusie-feel to her, i.e. a strong-willed woman (not coming down the roof until she’s completed what she set out to do in the first case), whom I expected to like. And my expectation was satisfied, probably because she’s not introduced with emphasis on her (pretty) looks, but what she does (her bulky coat for painting) and so doesn’t conform to the “typical” romance heroines (yes, read cliché here). What I read from the “dating”-remark is that she’s single and could do with a partner at her side, even though she’d never admit it. Or/and that she’s really proud of her work, so I almost expected FunFun to come alive right then, so Ethan seems to be a good “human” alternative here
Ethan is totally interesting, plus he feels like very much the completely likable Crusie-hero, but with a Mayer-twist to him. From his entrance right after Mab was introduced plus that the story seems to being told from his view as well, I expect him to be someone very important to the story and thus to Mab as well, so probably her love-interest. I wouldn’t be disappointed if he’s not, however, because I like to be surprised and don’t have to have the obvious HEA. I’d be cross though if he’d turn out to be a minor character that’s discharged easily – he’s to interesting for that.
And what do I expect from a Crusie-book? What raises my expectations?
The cover or the blurb don’t do much for me because I know they don*t necessarily have anything to do with what’s in the book. I expect an interesting story and have a good time reading it. I don’t judge from the first chapter as long as it catches my curiosity which it does primarily with having interesting characters. I don’t expect a romance in the strict genre sense from you but a book without people forming bonds/relationships and two grown-ups becoming friends of sorts and falling in love would not meet my expectation, because then the sex-scenes that will hopefully also in the book would be gratuitious and afaik you as an author don’t do gratuitious sex. I was quite surprised of the first chapter to read like a horror/paranormal story, but I’m on for the ride and as long as the story and writing keeps on being interesting, I’ll keep on reading?
Sorry for being so long-winded!
On March 1, 2009 at 8:49 am Caitlin said...
I agree with so many of the other comments; even though I KNEW they don’t end up together, my head kept putting them together. At the same time, I LOVE the first chapter, and hope that even though they aren’t romantically connected there will still be witty banter between them as friends, that is one of the things I love about your books. Eventually, my brain will figure out the story and get over it’s obsession with romance between the two leads
I can’t wait to read it, and I know I won’t be throwing anything at anyone.
On March 1, 2009 at 9:40 am Kyrathered said...
I admitt I would expect humor and the deamons caught at the end … and right now, with your name on the book, I would be dissapointed (fair or not) that there was no romance. I really liked Agnes and the Hitman. Lots going on but still a great romance and HEA. If you really want to cut it off at the pass then have Mab thein”If funfun were a girl i’d date her”. Even then I’ll be looking for romance to pop up for both Mab and Ethan … but not with each other. But I read you books because I know some smart, strong woman is going to wind up with a man who is smart and strong enough to deserve her. Sorry. You have created a junkie.
On March 1, 2009 at 9:50 am Kyrathered said...
BTW: Even without romance this is a great read and I would eat it up. I would be more dissapointed if the supernatural element had a ‘rational’ end where eveything was caused by the mundane. I am 110% sure I will be buying this book ASAP.
On March 1, 2009 at 12:24 pm Marta said...
Okay. I’ve reread the excruciatingly tantalizing opening you’ve dangled before us. I’ve reread the comments (3/4′s of the way to #100, and aren’t you sorry you opened the floodgates?). I’ve mulled and cogitated and identified what I missed on the first read.
FunFun ran into Mab because his iron suit makes him a clutz. He really seemed happy to see her, not menacing at all.
Mab and Ethan both equate peace with being alone. I registered that initially, as part of each character’s make-up, but didn’t realize how identically they expressed it.
Mab’s self-protective retreat when Ethan reaches for her head was caused by her smelling the booze on his breath.
Ethan’s reaction to Mab being hurt was the “Not On My Watch” stance of a classic protect-the-universe male. When he couldn’t go after the bad guy, he directed the adrenalin into mitigating the damage the bad guy caused. While that’s clear on the surface, people who read romance tend to see–well, they’ve been trained to see–that sort of reaction as personal. But, that’s the kind of thing that can be tweaked to make it clear he’s not seeing Mab as a girl, he’s seeing her as a victim. The same goes for line about Ethan’s outrage. Spin it so the reader registers outrage that someone’s been mean, not that someone’s been mean to this girl in particular.
You know, it really is all about training, isn’t it? Smack someone on the head every time a light comes on, and before long every time a light comes on they’ll duck. Readers of particular genres become trained, conditioned, to react certain ways. Where a book is shelved in the bookstore becomes meaningless. In certain circles, Bujold’s Vorkosigan series is still deemed ‘not true science fiction’ because it’s more about man than machine.
That said, as long as you don’t intentionally mislead anyone, no harm, no foul. And, I can’t believe you left us with Ethan down. You should at least give us a few more pages so we know he’s okay. Geez.
On March 1, 2009 at 1:13 pm Sheri said...
I have been reading everyone’s comments. I liked the suggestion that maybe Mab and Ethan could have both been born at the park or at least Mab could have been born in town and that they were best friends growing up. Establishes the brother/sister platonic friendship thing and would also explain how they understand each other intimately (which I am thinking would be necessary to fight off demons together). When he finally meets “the right girl” it’s Mab that pushes him that way because she wants to see her best friend finally happy. That would work for me.
For instance–when he has to check out her head, he can say something to the effect that “oh I see you are still a clutz, Brannigan–good to see some things never change!” and she can have some snappy comeback about his past childhood. Yep, that would work. Immediately see that they are just old friends coming together to save the park and home that they have loved since they were children. Maybe Mab was the tomboy sort of girl who hung out with the boys and climbed the highest trees and jumped from the highest cliffs into the deepest water just to prove herself tough. Again, JMHO. And now I am going to shut up cuz I have already commented enough! LOL! And along with everyone else, I am going to LOVE this book no matter what you do–it is going to be fun to read!
On March 1, 2009 at 1:39 pm S said...
I read it and I’m expecting Mab and Ethan to end up together. He came charging to her rescue (or at least tried). He’s the wounded hero and she’s the heroine. They’re the first characters we meet, in the first chapter, who could be the hero and heroine (romance readers are a little like newly hatched ducklings imprinting on the nearest living thing). And they start out wary of each other… which means lots of sparks before they end up together. Sigh.
BTW, it’s a fabulous beginning; put me on the Amazon pre-order list. You and Bob write wonderful books together – I wish you’d find the time to write more together.
On March 1, 2009 at 1:51 pm BCB said...
I had three thoughts as I read this excerpt: My god, it’s good to hear these two voices together again. Then: This book is going to scare the crap out of me. And: They’re going to have to do some heavy lifting to show that these two characters don’t belong together.
Someone said they didn’t see how Ethan and Mab connect with each other. I think there’s the obvious: she restores things, fixes them like new; he is broken and needs fixing. But I think there are also specific places where they connect:
1) She thinks:
He thinks:
Click.
2) And then:
Click.
3) He thinks:
She doesn’t just fix damaged goods, she fixed HIS damage. Click.
That’s good writing. In my opinion. So there is expectation that these two people will connect. And I think that connection is essential. It IS their story, after all. Sure, I could see that connection turning into a romance. I could also see it NOT turning into a romance. Really, they’ve been telling us forever that it’s not and I’m glad that it’s not. I’ve been so looking forward to reading this Not A Romance Story.
Remember that old TV show Moonlighting? I think at one point Jenny and/or Bob said this book would have that same type of feel, only different. I have no idea whether or not it’s that kind of story, but it seems like it might be. What worked in Moonlighting, what kept people coming back for more, was the dynamic between those two characters. Not expectation of HEA, but anticipation. They were clearly all wrong for each other, and yet they could have been so perfect together. If only they weren’t both so damned difficult all the time, if only he hadn’t turned away just then, if only she hadn’t made that remark, if only they hadn’t been interrupted, if only–
They had a connection. There was banter and wry humour. But you knew they were never going to get together. They’d kill each other within a week. And really, it would have been a big letdown if they had fallen in love. Because you wanted to keep coming back every week to watch them screw it up and be ornery and ALL WRONG FOR EACH OTHER. Yet you kept thinking, if only–
That’s the kind of story you watch/read over and over and over. You want to feel that anticipation again. You just know if there had been one more show, one more chapter (perhaps an epilogue), maybe they would have gotten it right after all. Even though you knew it would never work. I think it would be incredibly difficult to write. You toe a very fine line there.
For me, maybe not for anyone else, but for me, the deal breaker in a story like that would be if one of them fell for someone else mid-stream. It would absolutely kill the anticipation, the possibility, the faint hope. That emotion was the reason people watched that show. You kill that in the middle of the story, people stop watching. That’s a huge betrayal of reader emotion. In my opinion.
So that’s my concern about what I’ve read here, Jenny. You haven’t given us much to go on. But if WR is that type of story — and again, I have no idea — then I hope you aren’t so determined to get rid of the expectation of HEA that you instead end up destroying the anticipation.
What I’m hearing in most (not all) of the other comments is not so much an expectation of a romantic HEA, but a demand for and rather giddy delight about the prospect of feeling the anticipation, however the story ends. I could be wrong, but I don’t think people are necessarily answering the question you asked about the expected resolution (though I think we all do expect Ethan and Mab to end up in a better place than they started), they’re telling you how they want to feel while reading the story. They already recognize and can’t wait to feel that anticipation. Me too.
But maybe WR is a completely different kind of story and these observations are irrelevant and vastly stupid. Won’t be the first time. Just giving my opinions about what worked really well, and why, in what might have been a similar setup. FWIW.
Bottom line: it’s your story, only you know what it needs. You need to trust that.
Whatever you decide to do, could you do it faster? I want this book.
On March 1, 2009 at 1:56 pm Jenny said...
Well, you convinced me.
I cut the “she’d date him” comment and the stuff where Ethan touches her head (he just looks at the back of her head now since she says no, and yep, it was because of the alcohol on his breath, so go, Marta.
I know that won’t stop people from thinking it’s a Mab/Ethan HEA, but it’ll help.
On March 1, 2009 at 2:05 pm Mary Carter said...
I’m not a writer, just a long-time fan, and this chapter was as gripping as the Crusies and Crusie/Mayers always are. No need for prologue/epilogue stuff–they’re irritating unless YEARS pass between them and the main story. I’d want to see the HEA characters fairly early in the story, and,sure, a sibling/cousin/gay thing might signal a different kind of HE. Would that be necessary,though? The X-Files were better before Scully and Mulder went all gooey, IMHO, and this book could have a friend/colleague connection and do fine. The disappointment would be among readers of Romance Only, and, well, that’s the way it goes. I work in a library, and think, from seeing what people read, that you may gain readers as well as lose a few. The ones who like a good book will stay. Of course I’m biased, but I’d read a tax manual, too, if y’all were listed as authors.
On March 1, 2009 at 2:17 pm RfP said...
“best friends growing up. Establishes the brother/sister platonic friendship thing”
I doubt it. Friends-to-lovers is an established romance plot. Especially childhood friends meeting after a long time apart. I think when it’s so clear that there’s a male and a female central character, there’s no way to stop the reader from wondering. And that includes non-romance readers.
“I cut the ‘she’d date him’ comment”
I didn’t understand where that had come from anyway. Anyway, it sounds like you realize you can’t entirely solve the problem without obnoxiously coercing the reader. You wanted a wild ride. Don’t shrink from it now
On March 1, 2009 at 3:17 pm McB said...
It’s not that we’re romance readers and, hey, ya got a girl and a guy in the story. If this was a buddy picture – which is how I’m viewing it – and it was two guys, we’d want them opening up their own shop at the end of the movie. That’s our own selfishness – we like to think of the story as continuing on even after the last page. In my head, all my favorite characters from every book I’ve read still exist. That’s the writer’s fault. If you guys would just write lousy characters, I wouldn’t feel the need to keep them hanging around.
We like Ethan and Mab so we want them to be happy. Really, as long as they end up happy, I’m good. They don’t have to end up together as long as they are both in a good place.
And thank you for the one-eyed dragon. It takes so little to make me happy.
On March 1, 2009 at 4:26 pm naked under my clothes said...
Jo didn’t marry Laurie–refused to, in fact–and that was instrumental for Jo and turned out to be best for Laurie too. And Professor Bhaer didn’t come onstage till Act what, 3?
Not that Little Women is the be-all end-all. But it shows that that setup has happened and readers have survived.
It’s fine with me that Mab needs to do things in this book that require her not to be with Ethan, no matter how cute the meet, no matter how much readers expect otherwise from the first chapter.
You two have set the bar high by challenging readers to read the book that’s there, not the book they think should be there. But you also have the writing, plotting, and characterization chops to clear it.
To tell you what you have told other writers–just tell their story, however it turns out. Nobody can tell it but you.
On March 1, 2009 at 4:45 pm Cathy said...
Ok, read it, loved it, can’t wait to read the book. I do see romance – but here’s the thing – no matter what you do, even if they hated each other on sight, the fact that they both exist has me expecting some sort of romance at some point. Because you’re that good of a writer, that I would expect them to overcome their hatred. There has always been romance in your books…it’s just what I’ve come to expect. From what you’ve said, I take it there is a romance, at least to some extent, with Ethan and someone else? If so, *that* is what would stop my expectations of romance between Mab and Ethan. Truly, it sounds great, and I can’t wait to read it. I think you should leave it as it is and stop worrying and second guessing. Because taking out the date comment or head exam wouldn’t change my expectations at all. Ethan doing a little eyeing or flirting or bantering with someone else would do the trick in a heartbeat. Hee – If it would make you feel better, I’m sure any of us here would be happy to read the whole thing and give you more in depth feedback.
On March 1, 2009 at 7:08 pm Thea said...
Stop pandering. Put those lines back in.
You know how good the words are, how well they fit the characters and situation.
This is a terrific, strong first chapter. I’m with you all the way. Please do not dilute with milk.
On March 1, 2009 at 7:51 pm purplelev said...
I would expect something that was not quite the same as most of your previous books. Right from this first chapter I can see that the main character is starting from a different place so she’ll end up in a place altogether different from any of the other lead characters. There seems to be less questioning and confusion, Mab seems very sure of herself and her place in the world.
On March 2, 2009 at 12:41 am S said...
I agree with Thea – put those lines back in. We’re big girls, we’ll get over them not ending up together. Romance readers are going to expect them to end up together regardless of any subtle foreshadowing/line whittling. So leave it as is. I can tell it’s going to be a wonderful read and at the end of the day, that’ll do for me.
On March 2, 2009 at 2:00 am Micki said...
(-: I have to admit, the first aid bit had me going “bing! they’re going to get together!” — But as long as you “pry” them apart in a fun manner (play with our expectations a little bit), you should be OK. I mean, there’s a lot of “romances” where the woman is connected with Mr. Wrong, and then a surprise Mr. Right comes in from left field . . . . If in this case, Mr. Right turns out to be a career in restoration museums, cool.
Raven — moving clowns — demons; I’m expecting a lot of fun, here! In the dark and demon-y sense.
One thing: if the guy is the one who winds up with the traditional HEA, have you thought about putting *him* front and center instead of Mab? Is it possible that Mab is the side-kick in this particular novel?
I’ve been wondering this since your last post . . . .
But, I’ve got total faith in you and Bob. Don’t try too hard to fit our expectations. Most of us want to be surprised . . . .
On March 2, 2009 at 8:58 am Susan D said...
Hmmm. Don’t know if someone else has said this, but here’s what I see leading us to absolute faith in their ending as a couple:
The reader is bound to identify with Mab (spunky, talented, independent).
The reader is attracted to Ethan (brave wounded hero coming home).
Identification + Attraction = romance.
On March 2, 2009 at 9:18 am RfP said...
“Stop pandering.”
I almost said the same thing. I’m not wild about fiction by committee, and I like to be surprised. But this isn’t a case of a first chapter from a newbie author who’ll be swayed by anything. Jennifer Crusie is used to dealing with feedback and knows very well how opinionated her commenters can be.
I think what BCB said about anticipation connects to the problem that arises when a main character appears to “settle”. If Mab ends up being second best, or if the emotional resolution of the story isn’t as engaging as a romantic resolution could be, it could be more difficult to get invested. If Mab hangs around painting FunFuns forever, if she finds that genuinely fulfilling then maybe that outcome provides the payoff. But that kind of payoff is a harder sell than Mab finding man/job/role of her dreams, whether that means a large change or a small one.
On March 2, 2009 at 9:22 am JamieH said...
Whoa, just because Mab doesn’t have a romantic HEA should in no way automatically place her in the role of sidekick. Having a SO/love interest does not necessarily make a character more interesting or valuable.
Plus the whole fact that this is not a romance novel.
On March 2, 2009 at 9:53 am Kira said...
If they’re not going to be together, what are they doing sharing this book?
On March 2, 2009 at 10:16 am JamieH said...
A novel’s an account of a major event in the life of the main character(s).
What’s wrong with having this particular tale be a major event in the lives of both Mab and Ethan?
On March 2, 2009 at 10:24 am Terrie said...
Maybe it’s just me. I saw no romance in this sceen. Ethan looks at Mab as part and parcel of his mother’s crowd. If you are really worried about it, change her head injury to a bump she rubs – no blood, no reason for Ethan to even talk to her. The bag lady remark was a little off putting. You’ve never had a heroine that looks like bag lady before, but maybe my mental image is different from what you wanted to impart. I was more concerned that you were going to kill off Ethan in the first scene. I saw an introduction of the major characters and their surroundings, and an intriguing shift of focus from the earthly characters (I’m guessing Delpha is mortal?) to the paranormal characters….so I knew by the end that this would be a ‘fairytale’ – demons, dragons, etc. etc. etc.
When I go to a bookstore, and I want to buy a mystery, I go the mystery section. Or if I want science fiction, I go to the science fiction section. If I want Edith Wharton or Jane Austin or Charlotte Bronte or Charles Dickens, I go to the ‘literature’ section, and Jenny, in my bookstore, that’s where they put your books…not in romance…but in literature. If I ever wanted to read Fitzgerald or Hemingway again, I would go to the same section. I can’t imagine ever being that depressed, but you never know.
While your previous books have always contained a romantic theme, they also contained the ‘Crusie’ view of contemporary American life. I am EXCITED to learn that romance is NOT the centtral theme of this book. I sincerely hope that you continue to expand your horizons.
On March 2, 2009 at 10:31 am Jackie said...
I think you have the expectation thing covered. Obviously SMP is aware of this marketing problem…let them do their job. You do yours and write a good book.
On March 2, 2009 at 10:44 am Moth said...
“This is God, Dave. Go home, sober up, get a job, and never get drunk again. Or you’ll go to hell.”
Ha. I loved this part. Classic Crusie.
This part:
“Someone hit you?” Ethan said, feeling something that would have been outrage once. “Where is he?”
“No, it ran into me . . .” she stopped, taking her hat off. “I think there’s blood.” …
“Okay,” he said, and reached toward Mab. “Let me check your head.”
Would probably strike me as a particularly violent meet cute. Based just on this I would expect Ethan and Mab to end up together.
On March 2, 2009 at 11:11 am colognegrrl said...
Even if I said I’ll probably not buy this book (being a paranormal), I read the text and my expectations (including the info from your former posts) go like this:
1) there is a spark between Mab and Ethan and I’d want it to go on even if it has a Titanic ending
2) as soon as I read about Ethan coming home to die within the next months, I took this to be his “kind of” HEA because he will find a way of closure before he dies
3) Mab will have to wrestle her Black Swan moments and she needs Ethan’s help to do it
So maybe not a typical romance but definitely a story with romantic content.
On March 2, 2009 at 11:27 am tennis41 said...
What does Bob think?
On March 2, 2009 at 12:02 pm me said...
“FunFun, the redheaded wood clown sitting cross-legged next to her on the roof’s peak, was fully restored and authentic again, just like his iron-clad twin at the Dreamland entrance…”
Hmmm. If the “Luke&Leia” thing mentioned in the comments is what you’re aiming at, this is some definite foreshadowing that, to me, says, “not a romance.” Especially when Ethan arrives, Kevlar-clad. Me likey.
But, all the other aforementioned issues are still there, so there will be people who may be disapointed. You can’t please everybody all the time though. No one can.
On March 2, 2009 at 12:51 pm expertbookworm said...
Personally, I frequently enjoy a book that takes a turn from set up in chapter 1. (Though you should know that I am reader of scifi – & mysteries & romance & other literature.) I recently read a wonderful book where the heroine is relieved to break it off with “prince” she is involved with, the most likely match for her is revealed to be homosexual, and she ends up with the taciturn, but caring pig farmer. In my opinoin, only the reader who is married to formula of formula romances is going to be disappointed in a book where the two main charaters don’t end up together – if the book is otherwise enjoyable, interesting, and someone gets a HEA.
But I am frequently told that I am an original, unusual and weird – so my opinion likely does not reflect the general reading public.
On March 2, 2009 at 1:21 pm Flamingo Cherry/Shawn Reed said...
I know you don’t want to hear this, but I read this chapter and, if I didn’t know any better, would expect Ethan and Mab to get together.
Even if there’s no chemistry right now, I would expect it to develop over the course of the story.
And then looking at it from the position of knowing they WON’T get together, I STILL didn’t see anything that would change my opinion.
It’ll have to be blatant, Jenny. Because in my mind, you write romance novels; and your collaborations with Bob are romance novels; so if I don’t know any better, I expect a romance novel. I’ll just figure that all the subtle things and obstacles preventing a romance will be overcome until probably 3/4 of the way through the book, when I’ll start to go, “What the HELL are they doing”?
I’d still like it, but the lack of the developing romance would be an ongoing distraction unless I had a very definite reason NOT to expect it.
I know you & Bob will figure out something. And since I know, it won’t be a distraction for me. I can’t wait for it to come out, because so far I am DEFINITELY intrigued, sucked in, and impatient for more.
On March 2, 2009 at 1:51 pm Bonnie C said...
I just skimmed over the comments, so forgive me if this ends up being redundant…
“Fast Women” was the first thing Crusie I ever picked up, is my favorite (and I’ve been through the entire backlist and everything since) so I rarely expect the “romance norm” from you. It’s why you’re an autobuy and I check regularly in here at Argh Ink.
Having said that, I’ve known since ya’ll started posting about “Wild Ride” that it was going to be non-romance so when I read the exceprt I wasn’t expecting (and did not find) any chemistry or promise of an HEA.
I saw at least one commenter mention a pen-name which under normal circumstances I would agree with, but your writing has been expanding outward from straight up romance for so long that I personally don’t think it’s necessary.
When I pick up a Cruise I’m looking first for a good solid work of fiction. If there’s an HEA, cool. If not, also cool. Just give me the writing and I’m a happy camper.
On March 2, 2009 at 6:03 pm Victoria said...
Well, I’m hooked. I think reads like the first chapter of a romance and here’s why.
1) Mab looking at Funfun and thinking “I’d date him, if he were real.”
2) Next up is the line, “Cinderella got bluebirds doing her hair but I get a raven messing with my work” line. For some reason all fairy tale references mean romance to me. I think it’s the kiss thing that all Disney-esque adapations require somewhere in the plot to break the spell, prove true love, and so on.
3) Ethan rushing to the rescue. (I think it would work better if he were already inside the fence and nearby when he heard Mab scream)
4) Ethan checking on Mab’s head wound instead of Glenda doing it. Glenda or any of the other by-standers not being the first one to check on Mab’s head wound.
5) Ethan feeling something that would have been outrage at one time when he hears that Mab was hit by someone or something.
6) The fact that Mab is a fixer of things and that Ethan needs to be fixed.
The romantic interest is there, but it’s lopsided and mostly coming from Ethan. Mab seems like she’d like to be in love, she just doesn’t have the time in her schedule for it. (…and then comes along the wounded hero… in need of repair… and he obviously belongs to the park… so our spunky heroine must fix him… and fall in love.) The first chapter makes me think of a dark, twisted Sleeping Beauty re-telling. Instead of a finger pricked by a spindle, it’s a bullet to the heart.
On March 2, 2009 at 7:31 pm Gabrielle Charbonnet said...
Great first chapter–I’m anxious to read more. So I can see Mab and Ethan get together. I know you tried to make them have no chemistry, but as someone else said, they’re young and unattached, and they’re both clearly wounded, physically or emotionally or both, and of course I want them to patch up each other’s lives and hearts. I also agree that Ethan showing even offhand concern over Mab’s wound, and checking it out with his fingers in her hair, seems to set up something more physical later. I’m sorry. I tried not to want it.
On March 2, 2009 at 7:52 pm Jenny said...
LOL. Try HARDER Gabrielle.
I’m good on this. I don’t think the scene was hurt by pulling out either of those lines, so I’m good with the changes.
So we’ll meet back here in a year and discuss whether it worked or not. ARGH. Four out of five betas liked it. That’s something.
On March 2, 2009 at 7:54 pm Reagan said...
It feels like Mab and Ethan could and should get together, but I’d be okay if they didn’t.
Yes, very much a mystical first chapter. Liked it a lot.
On March 2, 2009 at 9:48 pm Micki said...
Also remember, we’re reading in a vacuum. We have no idea what comes next, and you know, it’s probably fun enough to assauge any wounds from dashed expectations. (-: Esp. since four of five beta readers liked it.
On March 3, 2009 at 12:25 am Kristi said...
After reading this I do not expect Ethan and MAB to get together. Actually, it seems to me like you have forshadowed Ethan dying at the end (after he saves the park and his family from demons — with help from Delpha and Gus who seem to have paranormal abilities/senses). Glenda knows something is up, but not sure what.
I’m not sure why MAB is restoring the park and what her relationship is to the others (Glenda, Depha, and Gus), but I suspect she will have a big role in ridding the park of demons (or maybe she is accidentally responsible for letting them lose and so has to be the one to resolve it).
On March 3, 2009 at 2:44 am Shoshana said...
Um, maybe this is way off, but:
You have ONE novel.
TWO viewpoint characters.
Is it so hard to see why we’re expecting the story to be ‘their’ story?
Especially since the both seem straight (a military career is hard if you’re not, and the clown she’d marry was male), and they’re opposite sexes, and obviously not related.
If you rule out romance, and I didn’t know who the author(s) were, though, based on that I’d be expecting horror.
On March 3, 2009 at 2:46 am Shoshana said...
*since THEY both
On March 3, 2009 at 5:12 am CrankyOtter said...
Also, Jeep Fairy moment:
“Which way did he go?” Ethan said, and Mab said, “I don’t know”
occurs (presumably in Ethan’s head) before Ethan knows Mab’s name.
The head touching made me think romance even if it wasn’t tender and there was no spark, it could set up for future sparks.
Also the Cinderella reference. I like it, but don’t know if it implies “this’ll be a Cinderella story by the end” or “this ain’t no Cinderella story, kids”
Write your story. If it doesn’t want to be a romance, don’t make it a romance. I’ll read it anyway. But think about the tone of the book’s cover (color, font, imagery, text placement). That will bet the best opportunity to kill the notion of a romance.
Or give us more of an idea of each characters’ goals up front. Mab wants a theme park and Ethan plans to die, but those don’t seem like the final version. A romance reader like moi would be thinking “I bet a good love story would get him over that fugue”.
On March 3, 2009 at 10:01 am eve said...
also, I’ve thought that maybe they need to do more embarrassing stuff around each other. make her one of the boys? she fixes things – she could fart, drink beer, and take questionable showers
On March 3, 2009 at 6:15 pm stephanie said...
first – i like it more than i thought i’d like demons in an amusement park which i had to admit kinda felt icky;) i think it’s the great crusie/ mayer voice that is making it fun to read.
second – i think as i get into the book i’ll see that they aren’t meant for each other.
they are born the same day? you alluded to a luke/ leia thing already, didn’t you?
On March 4, 2009 at 10:18 am Jenny said...
Nice catch, CO. I’ll fix that.
You know, it’s not hard to see why readers expect a romance from a book with Crusie on the cover. I’m just surprised (naive) that it takes so little to set up the expectation that they’ll be lovers. Essentially, it’s just both of them in the second scene in the book. Which is really amazing; it seems to work like putting Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in the same movie even if they don’t meet until the last scene. I knew expectation was huge, but I didn’t realize it would be this hard to derail.
So good food for thought here.
On March 5, 2009 at 4:06 am Reb said...
I’ll join the flood: I’d have expected romance too. Partly from the dating comment, mainly from the way you’ve got her POV then his, partly because he runs to her rescue, and a lot because I like him. He deserves to be HEA.
On March 5, 2009 at 4:35 pm JanLo said...
I have to agree with the majority. I would expect Mab and Ethan to get together and heal each other through love. We are suckers for a good love heals all wounds story! Glad they will both get their HEAs. Great work. Can’t wait for the pub date.
On March 10, 2009 at 6:27 pm PG said...
Sorry if I’m repeating something, didn’t have time to read all the comments. But the way Mab and Ethan are introduced is classic romance — here’s the heroine, here’s her hero. There are problems she doesn’t know about, and he’s coming to her rescue.
Even that little by-play where she’s not sure if she trusts him to check out her head injury seems to be setting up a clash of personalities that will lead to fireworks of a passionate kind.