Day Twelve: Still Stumbling Around
Aug312008
Bob and I met in Campfire to talk out something we usually don’t get to until the second draft: moving the story. In the past we’ve written our Don’t-Look-Down drafts and then gone back and shaped them. But we’re trying something different this time, a fast first draft, and we’ve got five scenes, or six depending on if we carve two scenes out of one of Bob’s, and eight thousand words and it’s sort of . . . not working.
Scenes one and two are okay for a first draft, protagonists introduced (M.I. in the first scene, Ethan in the second) and then the third scene sort of moves although not well, and then the fourth and fifth scenes . . . uh, not so much. So today, the question was, where the hell are we going with this?
In an attempt to move things along–please note I am not recommending this for first drafts–I made a list of the scene with protagonist vs antagonist with goals, broke down the beats to see if they escalated (they didn’t) and then added a section called “What the reader learns.” Like this:
Mary Imogen (who wants to finish her job and leave) vs. Glenda (who wants to know what MI is doing on the carousel roof) in the park just before midnight.
Beats:
MI stonewalls Glenda until Glenda says she’s coming up.
MI goes to the edge of the roof and asks Glenda why the hell she cares; Glenda orders her down
MI goes back to the top and finishes while Glenda rants
MI comes off the roof and gets mugged.What the reader learns:
Something weird is going on in the park and Glenda probably knows what it is.
It’s the combination of escalating beats and that “what the reader learns” which is really “how this scene moves the story” that should help us get these scenes into tighter shape than they are now. And eight thousand words isn’t terrible for twelve days. It’s not good but it’s not terrible. Okay, it’s terrible. But we’re just getting started. I’m sure we’ll get the hang of it as soon as Bob stops throwing up and I stop freaking out over the political news (Sarah Palin? Really?). It’s been a rough twelve days. Note to self: Never blog the first twelve days of a book again
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18 Comments to 'Day Twelve: Still Stumbling Around'
On August 31, 2008 at 3:12 am RfP said...
Learning much about Palin will be impossible for the next little while–she’s too obscure. The weirdness going on in the park is probably more interesting than the weirdness of politics right now. At least until Tuesday.
On August 31, 2008 at 3:43 am Marilyn K said...
So sorry it’s not going well so far. Collabarating sounds like it’s a b***h. I’m a reader not a writer.
Not going to give advice. Just feel sympathy for you and Bob and hope for the best for you. As a reader, I can not wait for a new book from you both together and separately. I’ll just cheer from the sidelines.
Sarah Palin? No. Don’t know diddly about Sarah Palin. Must google her. Hear she was a beauty pageant. Must not judge until facts are in.
As for all politicians, they can not keep thier promises due to the system. Big corp. (lobbist,special interest groups,ect. are in the politicians pockets) The “you do this for me and I (big corp) will do (Insert what politian wants) for you.” This is my opinion of how the senate and house (mostly democrates now) and President/VP works. I’m not extremely informed(educated on how the system works,but to my understanding it is not who you are but how much money /bargainging power you(the corp) have. Our gov. needs a major shake up. Unfortunately the middle class folks are to busy just trying to get by/live life to pay attention to what politions/Big corp. is doing to us. I grew up believing the Dem. were for the middle class folks. Not any more. I think ALL politians are ( rebublicans and Democrates and Ind. are in the this for themselves(egos).
Sorry rant is over. Feel free to edit or delete. It is your blog about the 12 days of Wild Ride after all.
On August 31, 2008 at 11:36 am Brooke said...
Wait, isn’t “finish her job and get out” a negative goal? Could that be the problem?
On August 31, 2008 at 12:37 pm Jenny said...
No, a negative goal is “doesn’t want to finish the job.” “Finish the job” is active and positive, a goal to head toward. “Not finish the job” is passive and negative, something to avoid.
Of course, I could be projecting my own goal on hers, too. Hmmmm.
On August 31, 2008 at 3:39 pm lady T said...
Ooohh I love the ‘what the reader learns’ bit. And I love how you share your writing process.
I did catch Obama’s speech, but need to hunt down Michelle’s and Hillary’s. Time to surf. Oh yea and then finish my synopsis.
On August 31, 2008 at 7:21 pm robena grant said...
That’s interesting. I took a machete to a manuscript this month and because it’s a suspense, I did my white board with the little colored sticky notes showing POV and goal in each scene, then I added a different color underneath for every time a clue was discovered in a scene. So, I guess it’s something along the same line as “what the reader learns.” I’m totally psyched over this, maybe I’m finally on the right track?
And I’m sure you’re being over-critical. I’ll bet it’s great and should all be in there. Just write it. You can chop later. I’ll lend you my machete. *grin*
On August 31, 2008 at 7:28 pm Jackie L. said...
A propos of your collaboration. I waited for the paperback of Agnes because of dental office embarrassment with the camo cover of Don’t Look Down. Went to BN a day after the out date. Couldn’t find it. Turns out BN shelves your books in Fiction, not Romance. I don’t disagree, but it was a pain trying to locate the book. The dude at BN who styled himself the best book locator in the store says that your publisher wants it that way. Took me 25 minutes to find Agnes. Are they sure they want to hide your books?
On August 31, 2008 at 9:22 pm jackie said...
I got the Agnes MM paperback at BN. I had to ask for it because they didn’t have it out yet on account of the planned special display. They were happy to get it for me, though. Nice to know they are going to be promoting it.
On August 31, 2008 at 9:39 pm Jenny said...
SMP switched me from romance to general fiction when I first went there because they put me into hardcover and romance readers don’t buy a lot of hardcovers. That puts the pbs in general fiction, too. Thanks so much for hunting it down!
On September 1, 2008 at 1:01 am Kira said...
Last time I was in Borders, I knew to look in Fiction (you’re in good company, there), but your books were on the highest shelf, and I had to jump to reach them. Which I did do. Fortunately, the book I grabbed in mid-jump was exactly the one I needed to round out my collection.
I hope with Agnes coming out, they’ll make the rest more accessible!
On September 1, 2008 at 8:57 am RfP said...
My nearest Borders puts Agnes in both Fiction and Romance. So does the airport bookstore. The indie bookstore puts her in Romance.
On September 1, 2008 at 9:07 am Eva Gale said...
I went to http://www.knoebels.com/ Knobles yesterday and all I could think of was your book. It’s an amusement park in the middle of nowhere PA. It was started in the 1920s and has the second oldest carousel* in the country but what I was so amazed at (besides the great prices) was how this park would be a character. Becuase it’s old it has all of these mature trees everywhere and foot bridges to cross over streams. There’s tons of shade, but it also gives off this certain feel. Everything in the older part of the park is so -not quaint, but you could imagine women in flapper dresses and cloche hats and -well it was amazing.
*(OMG, I could have stayed on that thing forever. Between the music and the history it was magical-esp at night!)
Good luck with the book!
On September 1, 2008 at 9:12 am Petrina Green said...
Hey Jenny,
I sympathize with your struggles and appreciate that you take the time to share with us, to teach, while you’re trying to create.
I have a hard cover of Agnes but it was packed away when I moved from North Carolina to North Dakota. It’s one of my “inspiration books” when I can’t get my WIP to behave, so I zipped to B and N the day the MM came out. It was front and center on the new release display. Made me smile that the little town of Minot put it right where it belongs.
Petrina
On September 1, 2008 at 10:06 pm talpianna said...
Savvy bookstore people put authors with both genre and general readers like you, King, Dick Francis, and the like, in both places.
On September 2, 2008 at 9:28 am Moth said...
Just wondering if you heard about the auction of thousands of Clarice Cliff teacups?
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/08/photogalleries/wip-week96/photo7.html
On September 2, 2008 at 1:31 pm Jenny said...
No, Moth, I hadn’t, thank you so much for linking to that. My kitchen is finally getting done and I have shelves that I can actually put my Cliff dishes on so I can see them all the time. Very happy about that, and also very happy I’m not writing Fast Women any more because those suckers are expensive.
On September 4, 2008 at 10:32 am Eva Gale said...
You know, I learned beats as bits of action between dilogue. Veddy interesting your way.
On September 4, 2008 at 7:59 pm Jess said...
Hey! Small world! I went to Knoebel’s EVERY YEAR for my school trip in grade school. I love that place! Funny to see it turn up here.