Day Five: Slowly But Surely
Aug222008
Bob’s been tied up with personal matters so we didn’t meet in Campfire today, but he posted his scene, the second scene in the book, for me there and I went through it. Good stuff. Then I went back and looked at my first scene and thought, “Was I on drugs when I wrote that?” and started over. It’s better now. Still not good but better. Then I wrote the third scene and it’s really bad which means tomorrow, after I get Bob’s next scene, I’ll probably throw it out and do something else. Or at least fix it.
In other news, the ugliest spider in the world is crawling around somewhere on my desk. I saw him on the wall, but i have a live-and-let-live deal with everything in the universe except cockroaches (and ants, but only when they’re in my kitchen). So I kept an eye on him and then got caught up in my scene, which is why five minutes later I screamed when he walked across my desk. At least I hope it was him. If not, there are TWO of the suckers.
I’m cleaning this office tomorrow. Bleah.
The biggest thing I realized when I read my first scene again was that I had the worst opening line in the history of openign lines:
Mary Imogen brushed the rosy glaze over the cheeks of the old carved wood clown, marveling all over again at the workmanship.
Really, I must have been brain dead or something. Talk about boring.
The rewrite is this:
There aren’t a lot of epiphanies in amusement parks, if you don’t count the people who get to the top of the Super Screamer Roller Coaster and think, “Wait–,” mostly because there’s too much to see and do and eat for any real soul searching.
I know. Omniscient. About to go into third limited in the next sentence. But still, not good.
Just better than that other disaster.
I’ll fix it, I’ll fix it . . .
Addendum:
It crawled up the wall and I killed it. It was taunting me.
Please God, it did not come from a large family.
Filed in X (Everything Else)
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27 Comments to 'Day Five: Slowly But Surely'
On August 22, 2008 at 11:17 pm Ellie said...
Must be party night for arachnids – there was a giant brown spider hulking next to the front door handle when I came home tonight. I threw a leftover milk bottle at it in hopes of dislodging the nasty-looking creature so I could scuttle into the house like the wuss I am. Yup, death by vitamin D. That’ll show ‘em.
You’ll nail the opening line, don’t worry. Already can’t wait to devour the book once it is written.
On August 22, 2008 at 11:41 pm RfP said...
“It is very unfair the way we Spiders are treated,” Miss Spider went on. “Why, only last week your own horrible Aunt Sponge flushed my poor dear father down the plug-hole in the bathtub.”
“Oh, how awful!” cried James.
“I watched the whole thing from a corner up in the ceiling,” Miss Spider murmured. “It was ghastly. We never saw him again.” A large tear rolled down her cheek and fell with a splash on the floor.
On August 23, 2008 at 12:24 am Christine said...
Mosquitos. What about mosquitos?
On August 23, 2008 at 12:43 am Jenny said...
Mosquitos show up so late here, I always forget about them.
James and the Giant Peach. Wonderful book.
There’s a big bloody spot on the wall over my desk now. I’d feel guilty but the damn thing kept coming at me. If he’d gone up to the ceiling and stayed here, this would never have happened.
Go, Ellie.
On August 23, 2008 at 1:00 am cbpen said...
My mom called me out onto the porch to take pictures of a giant red spider tonight. Then she killed it. She said she’d moved it (but maybe it was a relative) four times and was tired of walking into webs and she thought it looked poisonous. Great. After I was just four inches from it taking it’s pic. sheesh.
On August 23, 2008 at 2:31 am CrankyOtter said...
I grew up with the book “Be Nice to Spiders” and took it to heart, after drawing all over it in orange crayon. Since spiders primarily eat other bugs, I figure they’re helping. But since I moved to CA, I’ve had to get hard hearted about them. There are tons of spiders in SoCal. Just one after the other. It hurts my soul a bit, but if they become showoffs, they don’t last long.
A couple weeks ago, I was paging through books trying to find ones to get signed at RWA, when I found a spider skwooshed flat right over a favorite author’s signature. It’s laid out as if I pressed it on purpose. But it had just been laying in wait for me when the TBR pile shifted.
As to the writing – Jenny, I thought you usually revised stuff 18 thousand times because you found out what you wanted to write after writing several versions. Why not just write “placeholder scenes” for your first few, then go back and fix them when you have more to work with? Bake the cupcake first, put the sprinkles on last. I know you said bob needs your work to build his, and you’ve already succeeded in this method a couple times before, but I hate to see you beat yourself up just for doing things the way you do them because you’re you.
On August 23, 2008 at 6:32 am Ellie Wilson said...
I dunno. Bulwer-Lytton is still ahead with “It was a dark and stormy night.”
On August 23, 2008 at 7:50 am jude said...
I saw this article on old amusement parks that I thought might interest you:
http://www.neatorama.com/2008/08/21/five-amusement-parks-that-are-no-longer-amusing/
On August 23, 2008 at 7:55 am Jenny said...
“It was a dark and stormy night” is a terrible first line. No people in it. And yes I do revise a thousand times. It’s the only way I can get to where I want to go. As for beating myself up, that’s part of my process, I think. I fact, from listening to my writer pals, it’s part of everybody’s process. Argh.
On August 23, 2008 at 9:05 am robena grant said...
That first line will come to you once you get to know your character better and know the mood/tone you want to set for the book. It always does.
My son is like you. He’s visiting and last night found a bug, picked it up with a tissue and took it outside. I said, “What? So it can come back in again tomorrow.” Ever since I was bitten by a black widow spider last year I’ve become a bugs worst nightmare. I get monthly exterminator service yet still they come to seek me out. For me it’s “Die you bastard.” Then I stomp ‘em.
On August 23, 2008 at 9:18 am McB said...
Spiders, ick. I wouldn’t mind if they’d stay in their corner of the ceiling. It’s not bad enough that they go crawling off to Bob knows where and then you start worrying when and where they’ll turn up again. They can swing and drop, which makes them unpredictable. If possible I do a catch and release because squishing is gross.
On August 23, 2008 at 10:27 am Amy said...
I’m glad you have continues to post. I’m in iraq now, and the spiders here have some sort of super venom. We slaughter all bugs, our wimpy American immune systems won’t fight the poisons. Outside the wire, there are naked Iraqi kids rolling on the ground, and we have guys getting hospitalized because a bug the size of a pin head bit them. I used to be a live and let live person, but now, i say kill them all. If you google Camel spider, you will see a picture of spiders the size of a dinner plate. Shudder.
On August 23, 2008 at 10:30 am Lorrie said...
Oh thank heaven…I thought I was the only masochist among so many wonderful, together writers, what with the beating up of myself fairly regularly for my process (such as it is) and the work (such as it is). See!? Sheesh. I wish this part of the writing deal was as interesting as S&M, or at least involved more leather goods.
On August 23, 2008 at 11:53 am Lucy said...
Here’s a link to the best opening lines in Science Fiction, according to this site:
http://tinyurl.com/5a6e8v
How much difference is there between opening a science fiction book and opening a contemporary romance?
On August 23, 2008 at 12:59 pm Sheri said...
Spiders are fine as long as they know their place–a remote corner of the living room ceiling or outside. I used to be extremely phobic about them but as I now have children I have been forced to become brave and act like they are no big deal…
Now the big asian water roaches that infest this part of the Valley–ugh! I can’t abide them! They like to congregate in my garage at night when the lights are off. The other night I needed to go out there and flicked on the light, only to be confronted by about 20 of the ugly buggers. I think the guys were playing cards and smoking cigars, while the gals were in the corner having a martini and gossiping–well, we all froze and stared at each other. I told them to continue on with whatever they were doing and I would come back later as I backed slowly into the house. They were still glaring at me as I closed the door. I swear.
I made my husband spray the next morning….
On August 23, 2008 at 2:09 pm AnjS said...
I generally don’t try and kill the spiders. If they don’t run into my line of vision (or do so on the ceiling) they get to live. But if they dare to enter my living space, they’re dead.
But I do have a gigantic thing for those June bugs that like Minnesota. And of course since I’m Minnesotan I kill mosquitoes on sight. They don’t deserve the air they fly in.
On August 23, 2008 at 2:18 pm GatorPerson said...
It was a dark and stormy look she gave the man in the clown mask leering at her as their car whooshed down the roller coaster tracks and she screamed, “Not now, there are too many hot fudge sundaes in my horoscope to end it all now!”
P.S. I couldn’t figure out how to fit a spider into the sentence.
On August 23, 2008 at 2:52 pm Melissa Blue said...
I have a process both for my writing and going into my storage.
Writing: Just get it down. I can make it brillant later.
Storage: Crack open the door a quarter of an inch and spray whole can of Raid inside. Close the door. Come back a day later to find the dead carcasses.
My storage is notorious for having spiders with fat butts and red marks. I do not feel guilt.
I do re-write until it’s not the same story anymore. Sounds like I’m in good company.
On August 23, 2008 at 4:39 pm misspiggydon'twannabe said...
In a fit of domesticity I washed some panty hose by hand and hung them over the bathtub in the kids bathroom (the kids have all moved away so it’s pretty solitary). Anyway when I finally remembered them there was a little white packet through which I could see long legs. Spiders reproducing in my panty hose! That’s just not right.
On August 23, 2008 at 5:19 pm JulieB said...
Hee Hee to Gatorperson!
Actually, Jenny, I like the second line. But you’re the professional. But, I do like it.
And kudos to you on the spider thing. I have been known to trap and release a few of the minor, mild-tempered things, but the hopping spiders that love the dust are actually prone to bite, and they hop, so I have no mercy there. And after being eaten and having a very severe reaction to multiple bites while camping with my daughter’s troop 10 days back, I’m not feeling very charitable. I think it was a spider. I’m not reacting enough to think it was a brown recluse, but these are the worst bites I’ve ever had.
On August 23, 2008 at 6:22 pm Lou said...
JulieB – If it had been a brown recluse, and you have multiple bites, you’d be in intensive care fighting for your life. My boss got bitten by one of them once (only one bite) and spent a week in the hospital with intravenous antibiotics and almost died. Nasty things, brown recluse.
I’m a spider killer myself. Where I live, black widows abound. All over the backyard, everywhere in the barn where I board my horse, just everywhere. I have found that ant spray will kill them. Not right away but within about 15 minutes. We also have jumping spiders, hairy brown spiders, and daddy long-legs. They are everywhere. Very disconcerting!
GatorPerson – you crack me up!!
On August 23, 2008 at 7:09 pm Sheri said...
Don’t forget tarantulas…. Not necessarily here in the valley but they are all over the foothills here. And wolf spiders. Scary, scary creatures…
On August 23, 2008 at 7:30 pm Schado said...
It crawled up the wall and I killed it. It was taunting me.
Please God, it did not come from a large family.
I would absolutely love to read a book that opened with those lines. Voice, character, action, conflict–everything!
On August 24, 2008 at 12:11 am talpianna said...
Anyone for scorpions? Roof rats? Republicans?
You can only spray for one out of three…
On August 24, 2008 at 7:08 am colognegrrl said...
Here in Germany (where, fortunately, we don’t have brown recluse or black widow spiders, but I still don’t like the ones we’ve got) they say that spiders like to live in a healthy environment. So the more you clean, the happier they are to come back. So it’s a never-ending story – I remove the webs, they come back and build new ones.
Whereas when I remove a bad scene, I have to rebuild it myself. No fair.
On August 24, 2008 at 9:31 am Lorrie said...
You had me at ‘Republicans…’
On August 28, 2008 at 3:37 am Ericka said...
Poor spidey. I too read “Be Nice To Spiders” as a child. I have a spider relocation program, but I’ve been tested lately – it’s huge (either wolf spider or confused fishing spider) and it keeps coming back. Next time, I’ll try the front porch…
Anywho, I like this site to help me try to figure out whether the creepy crawly could potentially kill me:
http://www.whatsthatbug.com/index.html It’s great – send a picture, and they figure it out for you.