Go Read Wonkette and Then Have Pie. . .
Jul242008
I know, I know, I’m BEHIND. Well, things are hectic here. Not bad, my oral surgery isn’t probably for months yet so I’m happy plus I’m listening to John Hiatt which is always soul-lifting, plus he’s singing “What Love Can Do,” and my god, what a song, the dogs are happy, my contractor is happy, the Dish TV guy is probably pissed because I got the day wrong but I’m the one who’s been without TV for three weeks, so hey, if I’m still good, what’s his problem? Actually, he probably forgot the whole thing forty-five seconds after he put the “Sorry we missed you” tag on my door which I’m going to have to scrape off the glass since it appears to be real glue and not the nice sticky note stuff. Oh, well, that’s why I have a glass scraper. And John Hiatt on the iPod.
Damn, really, look at this lyric:
You Dream A Dream Then The Dream Comes True
Can You Imagine What Love Can Do?
You’re Alone In The Coffee Shop And Then She’s By Your Side
Love’s Picked Up The Tab And You’re Both Having Pie
I mean, damn.
Sorry, where was I?
Right, so I’m trying to eat healthier–you should have seen my grocery cart today, you’d have blushed with pride in me, no chocolate AT ALL unless you count those very few M&Ms in the trail mix. Well more than a few because I was at Sam’s Club where you can only buy things in Gigunda. Five gallons of mayo that’s going to go bad in October? I don’t think so. Plus they never have Lite anything it’s always full octane. OTOH, you can get five gallons of mayo for about forty-five cents so if you can get past throwing out food, you’re still saving money . . .
Okay, listen to this, and tell me your heart doesn’t lift:
It’s Like We’ve Laid In This River Bed For A Couple O’ Million Years
Shaped By The Waters ‘Till We’ve Nearly Disappeared
Two Little Grains Of Sand Locked In The Eternal Kiss
Don’t Wake Me Up Now, There’s Somethin’ That I Might Miss
I love John Hiatt. I would have his baby if I weren’t 58.
Where was I?
Right, so I’m trying to eat healthier, which is why I had a tenderloin at Frisch’s for lunch and a Steak N Shake blowout for dinner–I was on the road all day, people, did you want me to starve?–but I have standards, I do NOT go to MacDonalds except now it turns out that I must go because, well, read Wonkette (I love Wonkette, you should be reading Wonkette anyway, after you read TPM) and then go get a Big Mac.
My fave comment was “I recently saw two young teenagers making out. I figure McDonalds is no longer my kind of place. I think the sixteen year old worked there.” What is it with these people who do not realize that food and love belong together?
We Were Always Happiest When We Needed The Least
Who Knew This Love Would Turn Into Such A Feast
Breakfast, Lunch, And Dinner, And A Midnight Snack
I’m Full To The Brim, But I Keep Comin’ Back
Have the pie.
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49 Comments to 'Go Read Wonkette and Then Have Pie. . .'
On July 24, 2008 at 8:27 am Mary Stella said...
Remember, when you have oral surgery, you are allowed to suck down milkshakes without guilt. You can also go to Costco and bring home the supersized vat of the ice cream flavor of your choice.
You need these things. Cold brings down the swelling in your mouth and you don’t have to chew to consume shakes or ice cream.
Perfectly reasonable.
On July 24, 2008 at 9:41 am jackie said...
Hmm… I feel a Big mac attack coming on as well…. Though they do have salads…
The comments on both sides – re Mcds boycott and their minimal support of minority groups were actually saddening. We all have a right to our opinions even the wrong headed ones. After all, I don’t want anyone deciding MY opinions are wrongheaded and so, of course, not worthy of being spoken and heard. I may have to grit my teeth to listen politely, and feel it necessary to state my differing views (as politely as I can manage) but we will never understand each other as long as we are more interested in stating our own opinions and making fun of those we don’t aggree with.
But I’m still going to get that Big Mac.
On July 24, 2008 at 10:53 am Office Wench Cherry said...
What kind of oral surgery do you have to have? In March I had three wisdom teeth – including one that hadn’t erupted yet, I’m 38 – pulled, three bits of bone grafting and four titanium screws implanted.
Oddly enough, it sounds worse than it was.
On July 24, 2008 at 11:10 am Diane L. said...
I had pie for breakfast today!
(Excusable because it was homemade peach pie and fresh Colorado peaches are incredible but peach season only lasts so long, you know.)
On July 24, 2008 at 11:52 am Danielle said...
Your comment about how love and food are linked made me think of this show I started watching on ABC Family. Its called Greek and its about college kids. There was this scene of a guy and girl in bed after they’d had sex and they were eating pie out of the pie pan and he looks over at her and said isnt this the best? All I could think about was how great would it be to find a guy that would feed me pie after sex… its now something I’m striving for
Plus back in the day when my older sister was in High School and we shared a bedroom she had this poster of a guy behind our door that listed all the qualities she wanted in a guy and the last line was “and feed me ice cream in bed every night for the rest of my life.” Let me tell you that resonated.
On July 24, 2008 at 12:12 pm Siberia said...
just catching up w/ all your posts. If your still in the midst of remodeling, you may want to see if Habitat for Humanity has a local resale store. Basically contractors and homeowners drop off items that they don’t need or were the wrong thing (think new sinks, fixtures, cabinents, doors, windows, paint, etc) and Habitat sells it to the public to make money for their charity. I got a cast iron brand new tub that’s 40″ deep and 6′ long for $250. CAST IRON. because the cheapo fiberglass ones they install in houses a midget couldn’t take a decent bath in…. anyhow…hope you get caught up soon and the surgery goes well. Baby food is another easy food (think the fruits ) to eat after surgery. I’ve had 3 root canals.
take care
On July 24, 2008 at 12:15 pm robena grant said...
Ooooh, I’m striving for that too, Danielle. Pie after sex. What’s not to like?
I like the lyrics to the John Hiatt song, Jenny, will have to go google him. I’m not familiar with the name, maybe I know the music just not the name. Hmmm.
Funny, everyone I talk to has started getting fit this month. Including me. Well, I had to because I was a slug post knee surgery. A wimpy baby who over-protected her leg. Anyway, this week I started reading Flip the Switch. It’s a book on fueling your metabolism by Robert K. Cooper. I purchased it back in ‘05 and forgot about it. Probably looked at it and thought, bunch of hype. Anyway, now I’m following it fully and it really is working. I think I have the slowest metabolism of anyone, so any tricks to jump start it that he can give I’m listening. And then I can have pie.
On July 24, 2008 at 12:35 pm Jenny said...
Jackie, I felt the same way about some of the Wonkette comments. But some of them made me laugh out loud, too. Wonkette is sort of the Smart Bitches for politics, so if you want balance and journalism, definitely go to TPM, but Wonkette is generally more fun, also like Smart Bitches. But if you’re going for the snark, somebody is always going to go too far. The crack about home schooling came out of nowhere, and the general “poor dumb fat people” stuff was just knee-jerk elitism, but some of it was dead on, like the woman who took her eight children to MacDonalds three times a week, but wouldn’t go now because since MacDonalds is gay-friendly, it’s bad for the kids. As somebody commented, “the gay agenda” probably saved those kids from early heart attacks. Of course, I say this as somebody who had Frisch’s and Steak N Shake yesterday, so count me in with the dumb fat people.
I think where you get the bad stuff on both sides is when there’s anger and fear and arrogance. People stop thinking. If you look at the people who commented based on the ludicrous premise who weren’t threatened or angered by it or didn’t already have prejudices against people who can’t spell who live in the Midwest, you got some very good logical by extension riffs, such as the gay agenda making the population healthier. (The spelling thing is interesting, not typos, everybody makes those, but the people who tried to use words they didn’t know to sound more forceful. Although I agree that “trappling” should be a word.
There’s a political wing of LOL cats that I like a lot, some very funny re-captioned photos, but no matter what goes up, somebody complains that it’s Bush-bashing or Obama-bashing and everybody else just shakes her head electronically and goes on because “politically correct” rarely leads to funny.
Although I love this one:
http://punditkitchen.com/2008/07/20/political-pictures-bucket-monopoly-clue-with-wrench/
On July 24, 2008 at 1:34 pm Slave Driver said...
I don’t like McD’s. I like Carl’s Jr (Hardees for you midwest/east people) even less but it’s the only place in town within a 2 block radius that has a drive-thru. I must add that the looks on the employees faces and watching them cram 8 people out that little window to pet the horse is pretty amusing.
The thing that irks me is I often stop at Wendy’s on my way home from work because they are open until 2 am on the weekends. Now, I pay the same price at 1:34 am that everyone else pays at 1:34 pm but they seem to think that it’s okay for me to be served cold fries and dried out chicken. Fresh my butt. I should just hang out by the dumpster after closing, the quality would be about the same.
At 16 a fast food restaurant was where we went for dinner. My kid recently asked “Why do we always get drive thru and never sit inside to eat?” I replied “Because we don’t conside it a restaurant. We consider them to be refueling spots for our bodies when the tank is on “E” and we’re gonna pass out if we don’t shove something in it.”
So McDonalds is a gas station. Literally and figuratively
On July 24, 2008 at 2:14 pm orangehands said...
Well, I’m eating ice cream for lunch so I got plenty of love. (A guy feeding it to me would be nice too, but we can’t have everything.)
On July 24, 2008 at 2:52 pm HB said...
Eating heathly is for the birds. Seriously. I gave up. Chocolate was made for a reason. It melts in your mouth. It feels good going down. I’m not going to stop eating it. I will, however, exercise more the moment I find time, which maybe never because one should always be careful of one asks for. To many things to do, not enough time in the day, but chocolate is always there.
Don’t do fast food, but I worked at a fast food resturant way back when. I know too much, so I’ll stick with chocolate and devil dogs. I love devil dogs!
On July 24, 2008 at 4:01 pm Kay T said...
Just catching up Jenny, and I loved the Texas video (a couple of posts ago). Also liked the one with Jean Reno. How do you find these things? Have you seen the Bobcaygeon one from Tragically Hip (I won’t even try to put a link but if you search Bobcaygeon it is the first one)? I am on a Trailer Park Boys kick. Have always loved John Hiatt, but some songs more than others.
Must go refuel.
On July 24, 2008 at 4:06 pm Kate said...
Thanks for mentioning Mr. Hiatt–I checked him out on itunes and like what I hear. That brings to mind something I have meant to ask for a while: what music do you recommend for writing? I have enjoyed artists you feature in your books for years now, and I was wondering who you listen to when you are ready to work. Or, if you just have any good names for me to check out. (I love Kim Richey and Dusty Springfield…anyone else you recommend??)
On July 24, 2008 at 4:39 pm G and T said...
Just recently, I could NOT get this line from John Hiatt out of my head:
Put the cowhorns back on the Cadillac
And change the message on the Codaphone
It’s from Memphis in the Meantime, and it’s about a change of scene, which leads me to this next:
While changing scene recently for vacation, I found that people on planes generally prefer the seats I book for me to the seats they book for themselves, and they generally don’t give them up.
When that happened the first time, the happy Hiatt refrain in my head morphed immediately to: “People in hell want ice water!”
At the end of trip during which her kid was shoving the arm rest into my arm with his foot, I leaned over the seat and said: “It was an immensely unpleasant trip. Thank you.”
Hope she gets no ice water.
On July 24, 2008 at 5:13 pm misspiggydon'twannabe said...
Slave Driver’s comment about the gas station reminded me of a line from a Sue Grafton book. I think it was “H” -anyway she was driving in the middle of nowhere in So Calif and found an establishment with a descriptive sign:
EAT AND GET GAS
I think there are many places that could use that phrase.
On July 24, 2008 at 7:31 pm talpianna said...
Bob Headline Update:
Aniston’s Beau Is Creeping Us Out
Is there some sort of genetic link between bigoted jingoistic Amurricanism and an inability to use the English language correctly?
When I had my wisdom teeth out, I lived on instant ramen, macaroni and cheese, and eggnogs. (This was back before cholesterol was invented.) The ice cream diet sounds like more fun, but skip the milkshakes, as sucking through a straw after oral surgery is verboten. Unless, of course, it’s thin enough that you can sip it from the cup. or so thick that you have to eat it with a spoon.
On July 24, 2008 at 7:37 pm Jenny said...
Kate, the music changes for each book. John Hiatt is so Mary Imogen’s love story in Wild Ride that I’m just flying with it, but he’s always been a fave. His duet with Roseanne Cash on “This Is The Way We Make A Broken Heart” is beautiful (even if the song is about cheating scum), but I really love “It Hasn’t Happened Yet.” I think I’ve been warned by so many people so many times in my life that what I’m doing is a huge mistake and my career/relationship/life will be over if I don’t do and say as they want, and there’s something so lovely and relaxed about Hiatt singing, “You said that I would regret/Well, it hasn’t happened yet.”
Dr. Horrible: Haven’t had the chance to finish it yet but I bought it on iTunes so I will, I will.
Also Burn Notice is on again tonight. I’ll be watching it on my computer again. Sigh. Good news, I’m supposed to get TV again on the 31st which according to the really good news above, means I can see PUSHING DAISIES which definitely should be programmed in to your everything. That’s assuming this dish guy doesn’t look at my roof and say, “I don’t think so.” There’s a dish up there already, people, it’s not the Chrysler Building.
On July 24, 2008 at 8:36 pm jackie said...
If the dish is there – why do you need another one?
On July 25, 2008 at 12:42 am pizmeyre said...
What is TPM??
On July 25, 2008 at 2:38 am rhymes with rich said...
In case you’re wondering exactly what the gay agenda is, this site reveals all!
On July 25, 2008 at 2:59 am patmcaudel said...
…and don’t forget imaginary bitches…. http://imaginarybitches.com/Home.html
On July 25, 2008 at 3:53 am talpianna said...
Jenny, you might want to check this out:
The Care and Feeding of Fiction
James Wood’s critical manifesto is firm, yet flexible.
http://www.slate.com/id/2195714/
On July 25, 2008 at 8:54 am mary beth said...
The Christian Coalition first decided to boycott McDonald’s after the company added added tolerance training to their new employee orientation. I actually had a family member tell me letting my child eat a Happy Meal could result in her becoming a lesbian. For the next month I made sure to bring Happy Meals for said relatives children every time I visited.
Love the lyrics posted here. Gotta go listen to some music.
Dr. Horrible=Classic.
On July 25, 2008 at 2:57 pm lady T said...
Thanks for the new music! And I had cake for breakfast…delicious. Though if I’d have had any apple pie around… Now I’m on to carrots and celery. and a cucumber salad. hhhmm.
So I have John Hiatt playing right now and Wow his voice is really gritty-emotional, right to the heart, yummy.
On July 25, 2008 at 6:47 pm talpianna said...
Jenny, do you know the definition of a Yankee?
According to most of the world, a Yankee is someone from the USA.
According to most Americans, a Yankee is someone from north of the Mason-Dixon Line.
According to most Northerners, a Yankee is someone from New England.
According to most New Englanders, a Yankee is someone from Vermont.
And according to most Vermonters, shucks! A Yankee is anyone who eats pie for breakfast.
On July 25, 2008 at 7:18 pm wendy said...
“After All These Years” is the John Hiatt song that compels the DH to dance me around the kitchen/lounge/dining rooms. Leonard Cohen’s “Dance Me To The End Of Love” is another. In an alternate universe I sound just like Roseanne Cash when I sing “This Is The Way We Make A Broken Heart”. In this universe the husband smiles and the dog doesn’t howl, but it is definitely not Roseanne.
On July 25, 2008 at 10:33 pm Jenny said...
New dish because I was fool enough when my TV went belly up to buy an HD set. Which needs an HD disk. Which meant I had to cut a tree down which turned out to be rotten so that was good but then the next tech refused to go up on the roof so I had to cancel Direct TV at which point they slapped me with a cancellation fee. I hate Direct TV.
TPM = Talking Points Memo (http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/), the first place I check for political news every morning. I love Josh Marshall. It’s a liberal blog, but they try to play fair, and I think they do a good job. They’re tigers when it comes to hunting down a story, good journalists.
In that case, Tal, I am a Yankee. Pumpkin pie for breakfast every fall. It’s good for me.
Still trying to dig out from under the remodel here, but getting close. Which is good because I’m out of money. But I have a good kitchen now. Amazing how much that can lift your spirits.
And now I must go move the dining room table. Sigh.
On July 26, 2008 at 9:44 am Susan D said...
I read this entry and said, What a wonderfully cheerful person Our Jenny is, even in the face of such adversity as “Sorry we missed you” taped to her door. It cheers me just to enjoy her upbeat attitude.
But then I followed the trail to Wonkette and now I am truly scared. There are people like that? Lots of them? And to add to that, lots more people who find the bad spelling more appalling than the hatred.
Heck, I need a new Crusie fix to cheer me up again. Write fast. Or I could just go re-re-reread Welcome to Temptation. With a Faking It chaser.
On July 26, 2008 at 11:27 am Charlene Teglia said...
I believe food and love belong together. Which explains why I married an Italian and why I’m always getting editorial notes that say things like, “They’re eating again” and “Can you get them out of the kitchen?”
On July 26, 2008 at 11:32 am Charlene Teglia said...
Back from reading Wonkette. Mrs. Malaprop has nothin’ on some of these comments. “An Abolition!”
On July 26, 2008 at 11:45 am Diane (TT) said...
Tal, I love the definition of a Yankee! Having spent 3 years in MS, I got “Yankee’d” a lot, which is weird for someone from California. It mostly seemed to mean “not from around here”.
I would rather eat blueberry pie for breakfast all summer, and pass on the pumpkin. I can’t afford to make my 6-cup blueberry pie (with a gingersnap crust) unless I pick my own. Maybe when I move to Ohio. Does anyone know a good place to pick blueberries in southwestern Ohio?
On July 26, 2008 at 4:32 pm robena grant said...
I just read Wonkette, interesting stuff but the comments are sad. There are so many ignorant people around. Like Michael Savage who commented a week or so ago on autistic children and their families.
Anyway, my favorite word of the day was aquaintends. I’ve been using it in sentences. A quaint ends is something I desire. Or. Aquaint ends, you never know what will happen. Aqua intends itself as a thirst quenching drink. I could go on, but I won’t. Jenny breathes a sigh of relief. Heh.
On July 26, 2008 at 7:24 pm talpianna said...
Apple pie for breakfast is the best. Especially Dutch apple pie. Especially hot Dutch apple pie.
On July 27, 2008 at 3:19 pm G and T said...
Pie is like the reverse of danish: mostly fruit, little pastry.
On July 27, 2008 at 8:40 pm Jeepgirl said...
Diane, I don’t know about blueberries but blackberries grow wild on my property in southwestern Ohio.
I make cobbler. Yum, especially with vanilla ice cream.
On July 27, 2008 at 9:08 pm Jenny said...
I am not ignoring you. I just finished a two hour brainstorming session in Campfire with my two favorite people and now I’m going to clean the kitchen and work on a book and then get to bed at a decent hour, none of which would be very interesting as a blog post.
However, I will be on the road week after next, so something interesting might happen there. You never know.
Carry on chatting. Didn’t mean to interrupt.
On July 28, 2008 at 6:37 am Kieran said...
Speaking of amazing folk artists like John Hiatt, Jenny, I think you might like Fionn Regan. “Be Good or Be Gone” is probably his most well known song.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=pj66XgK3NvE
but my favorite is “The End of History.” It’s on the album of the same name.
On July 28, 2008 at 10:37 am McB said...
Breakfast is the best reason for having pumpkin pie in the house.
On July 28, 2008 at 12:00 pm Lou said...
McB – with ice cream of course…
On July 28, 2008 at 1:01 pm Diane (TT) said...
Jeepgirl – lucky you! I love blackberries and raspberries and just about all kinds of berries. Now I just need to find a U-pick or two, so I can get lots. I got a blueberry kuchen at the Farmer’s Market with 5 cups of blueberries on an 8×8 crust – almost as good as my pie, but with no gingersnaps. Since they sold it for $4.50, I asked about U-pick, which was, indeed, how they managed that price, but at 1+hours away, it doesn’t make sense while I’m in the process of packing to move. Rats. High hopes for Ohio, though!
On July 28, 2008 at 6:30 pm talpianna said...
Perhaps this site will help Jenny and those like her to reform their wicked ways:
http://www.geocities.com/petpu4/
PEOPLE FOR THE ETHICAL TREATMENT OF PUMPKINS
On July 28, 2008 at 8:13 pm Duncan said...
“Is there some sort of genetic link between bigoted jingoistic Amurricanism and an inability to use the English language correctly?”
I don’t think so. I’ve run into plenty of liberals who oppose jingoistic Amurricanism and hate George Bush primarily because he says “nukular”, but who still make plenty of grammatical and spelling errors. But they’re still better than you or me.
Me, I’m with Susan D on “lots more people who find the bad spelling more appalling than the hatred.” I’m in an odd place, because on one hand I’m a grammar-neurotic who gets spasms over grammar/spelling errors — I’m currently reading Joanne Passet’s new biography of Jeannette Foster (the author of the classic Sex Variant Women in Literature), and among many other offenses she uses “pneumonic” for “mnemonic”, TWICE! Oh, the humanity! On the other hand, I know that I’m neurotic about it, that standard English is a dubiously arbitrary construct, and that people who confuse “discreet” and “discrete” are Belial’s children every bit as much as I am. I also know that people who get overwrought about “hate” are generally capable of considerable hatred for people they disapprove of, though they’re often more passive-aggressive about it.
And the trouble isn’t that people are ignorant (because everybody is ignorant about important things), it’s that they (we) know so much that ain’t so.
On July 30, 2008 at 6:06 pm Kat said...
Hey, I have a random question that I wonder if anyone here can help me out with…
This summer I finally read Don’t Look Down and Agnes and the Hitman, and I really wanted to reread some of the old He Wrote/She Wrote blog from when Jenny and Bob were touring the former and writing the latter.
However, none of the links to the archives are working at the old blog (http://www.crusiemayer.com/blog/). Are they ever going to be put back online, or have I missed the boat completely?
On July 31, 2008 at 6:45 am Melissa Blue said...
I saw Anne last night at the Literacy Signing. Just fyi she dressed normal, which is a shame. This years conference won’t be the same without a kerfluffle. And who better to create one than Anne.
On July 31, 2008 at 2:01 pm Jenny said...
On the HWSW blog: Nope, it’s gone for good.
And the HWSW book is kind of up in the air now, too. We just got swamped. But we’ll either write one together or, more likely, do separate ones using our own posts. We’re having a scheduling nightmare getting together to do Wild Ride, so a non-fiction book is very low priority right now.
On August 1, 2008 at 8:21 am jessica said...
re: Neil Patrick Harris (of Dr. Horrible fame)
http://defamer.com/5028453/nph-sweeps-the-clouds-away-as-the-shoe-fairy-on-sesame-street
he sings, he dances, he bestows shoes on people…
[as my children are no longer watching sesame street, i would have missed this!]
On August 1, 2008 at 10:33 am RfP said...
we’ll either write one together or, more likely, do separate ones using our own posts.
You both give excellent advice, but HWSW had a unique draw from the interplay of two different types of writers and personalities. On the other hand I imagine that could be a challenge to flesh out into a book: it’s unusual for nonfiction to reverse itself quite as… pointedly… as you two.
On August 1, 2008 at 12:31 pm Ellie said...
Understand you’re busy with everything else…Lord knows I support clearing the way for Wild Ride so that we greedy readers can enjoy another wonderful treat from you two. However, please don’t give up on doing the HWSW book together sometime in the future. The blog (which I am kicking myself for not printing out) not only contained awesome individual advice from both of you, but it blended together to create an amazing whole, much like your joint fiction work.
Just two cents from a kid who’ll pay a lot more than two cents at a bookstore for treats by either/both of you.
On August 3, 2008 at 6:15 pm robena grant said...
Had to forgo the Cherry get together at National as my knee gave out for a day or so.
Will look forward to meeting everyone in D.C. next year. Loved that Krissie won the Rita in RS. Yay! Also, she gave me a bumper sticker for Dogs and Goddesses. I will be sporting that all around town, it will look very snazzy on my car.
Hope the writing is going well, Jenny.