Congratulations, Del and Phyllis!
Maybe it’s because I’m newly a grandmother that I get all weepy now, or maybe it’s because it’s just so beautiful that Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon can finally get married after fifty-one years together, but I’m all teary over the first same-sex marriage in California this week. Go here to read about it and see the pictures or just google for Del and Phyllis and you’ll find them. They’ve been trailblazers for fifty years, and married in all but law for longer than that, and now they’re legally wed. Voters in California might take it away from them in November, but I have faith in California.
Beautiful babies and beautiful weddings all in the same week. Feels like things are finally moving in the right direction.
Thank you, Jenny, for such beautiful words. You’ve expressed my feelings perfectly. Also, a belated congratulations to you, too.
Joy … sometimes it leaks out of your eyes :0)
Hear, hear. It really is marvelous, and hopefully a sign of more positive things to come (crossing fingers).
It is a sweet story. I loved how they had to take up the pants legs on their suits because they’re getting older and shorter. I went, Awwwww. That was sweet and sad at the same time.
This story made me happy as well. Leaking tears of joy is never a bad thing, Jenny. Your Callie is gorgeous, and this couple’s love is gorgeous, too. During a week of rotten news on both my grandmother and mother’s health, I really need things like this to remind me there’s good happening out there, too.
Awwww.
The moment I saw their picture I felt all warm and fuzzy. So, plenty of tears and no worries on the legal status of their marriage. By law you can’t make a law that is retroactive. (and that’s Federal which trumps State)They’ll always be married.
Thanks for the link. I loved the “It’s a Wonderful Life” twist.
When my home state voted against same-sex marriages, I felt stunned and naive. Who knew so many people were willing to build prejudice into the law? But I was proud of my then-high-school-age daughter and her friends for campaigning against it.
Go, Del and Phyllis!
My grandma - a devout Catholic all her life - always said that while she didn’t think that churches should be forced to marry same sex couples the state had no business denying them marriage. It’s none of the government’s businss if two consenting adults want to get married and they both check the M box or the F box. Churches are in many ways private organizations but governments are not. Governments should not be allowed to restrict people in that way.
Some people argue that allowing same sex couples to marry cheapens and devalues marriage. Personally, what I think cheapens and devalues marriage is reading about some drunken pop star/starlet/socialite/someone-famous-but-no-one-can-figure-out-quite-why who marries some guy she’s just met at the craps table and then gets an annulement or divorce a week later. That tells kids that marriage is a joke, couples like Phyllis and Del tell the world that marriage is a thing of value.
Congratulations ladies, you deserve all the happiness you can grab.
What a beautiful couple ! The pic of their 2004 wedding made me teary.
And that’s how walls come down: one brick at a time.
Congratulations Del and Phyllis.
Things like this give me hope that the world is moving forward in a positive direction
- thinking happy thoughts for Del and Phyllis
To put all this sweetness and light slightly into perspective: the California wedding was on the Dutch news too. The news reader followed it by saying that of course we in the Netherlands have moved along from that stage. The number of same-sex divorces is rising quite steeply.
Marriage is only as sacred as the two people within it make it. Love never devalues anything. I’m pretty sure that we heteros have done more than enough damage to the institution. I cannot see how allowing GLBT marriages could do anything but make it better.
Congratulations ladies, and I pray every day that California does the right thing and makes the right permanent.
That is a very touching story. Congratulations, Del and Phyllis.
Civil Partnership ceremonies and legal registration for same-sex couples were introduced in the UK on December 5, 2005, and naturally, many of the first couples to marry (although the actual word ‘marriage’ is not used!) made the news. It was very striking how many of them, both men and women, were middle-aged or older couples who had been together for decades. Some gay men had been together since the 1950s, like the two ladies featured here; they had seen our society move from classifying their relationship not merely as immoral but as criminal to an attitude in which the law, and most rational people, regard it in much the same light as a bonded male/female partnership.
Many things were better in the past: this is one thing where we have moved in the right direction.
I choked up.
I was brought up in a VERY religous and closed minded family. Oddly enough my dad’s, the one I don’t speak to, family is Pentecostal. You know the religion where the women aren’t allowed to cut their hair, wear make-up, wear pants, etc. And the kids were supposed to be seen and not heard. So growing up we were told what a sin it was to be gay and how you would burn in eternal damnation. As I grew up, thankfully, I also grew to have my own opinions and I grew away from my family’s faith. My Mom stopped going to my Dad’s family’s church as well so it made it easier to be able to share my new views on the world. People who believe that God is going to punish someone for loving another human being really boggle my mind.
I think the story of Del and Phyllis is not only a story of inspiration but a story of true love. So many heterosexual relationships don’t last that long and they are allowed to marry everyday without a second thought. So many congratulations to Del and Phyllis and may they have many more years of happy and blessed years together.
My daughter has two friends who’ve been best friends since birth. One is straight. One is gay, and wears men’s clothing. When she got married last year, she wore a tux, and so did the best friend as ‘best man’. This year, the straight one is getting married, and she’ll be wearing the traditional white bridal gown. Her best friend will also be wearing a gown as ‘matron of honor’. An outstanding example of the finest qualities of friendship.
I’m gay, and I wear men’s clothing… that’s remarkable? Would I have to wear a gown at your friend’s wedding?
P.S. I first read Lyon and Martin’s “Lesbian/Woman” over 30 years ago, and I recall a passage in there that has always stayed with me. Back in the 50s and 60s when Daughters of Bilitis was stressing gender conformity and respectability, you could always spot the lesbians at national parks: they’d be the ones in capri pants and feminine shoes, stumbling along, trying to look feminine — while the stomping butch in jeans, flannel shirt and hiking books would have a husband and a string of kids following along behind.
I think what she meant was that they happily wore what fit into each other’s wedding. For that day, they wore whatever worked for the bride.
It’s a tradition. Like wearing the butt-ugly bridesmaid dress because your friend the bride fell in love with hot pink/turquoise/chartreuse chiffon jumpsuits. Yes, I had to wear one. It was the seventies but I still looked like hell. I didn’t care, Pammy was getting married and she was the best, so I went with the psychedelic chiffon. Same thing here except the clothes were probably very nice.
I loved that story. Everybody got the wedding she wanted and nobody said, “But that’s so not ME.” Lovely friendship.
Yep, I loved that story too. Those are true friends. My niece has been in a long-term lesbian relationship but she is very feminine. She loves everything girlie but is just not interested in guys, and she’s more inclined to wear skirts than pants.
Marta, your story made me think of the recent movie which I was forced to watch with my daughter, “Twenty Seven Dresses.” Some of the dresses were beyond ugly, and yeah, there was one tux, and many theme-related movies with weird costuming, but Katherine Heigl (sp) wore them all and participated in the weddings because she was a friend. It was a cute movie.
Whether you want a sexaul or lifetime relationship with someone of the same or different gender than you is not the necessarily related to the culturaly defined gender you show the world. We should all get to choose the gender roles we are most comfortable in, as well as whether or not to have a life partner (and who it is). I think some people need to spend more time on their own relationships and lives than on everyone else’s.
You’re granddaughter is beautiful. Becoming a grandparent is one of those things in life that is better than the anticipation. It’s just one of the most fabulous things that can ever happen.
Not much of a fan of marriage since to me, even though I am married, it’s just a piece of paper. I was young and stupid and did what I thought I was supposed to be doing. The botton line was that I found someone who accepted me for exactly who I was and never wanted to change me and vise versa. We can be individuals as well as a couple. Anyway, life is too short. Whatever makes you happy, gives you joy, helps you smile, that is what counts….
Delurking to ask good vibes for SLC Slave Driver & family. MIL passed this AM w/o warning. Driver texted me just now, asking for vibes. Is this the place? I know she comments here.
JCF does vibes but we’ll send them, too. How very awful for her. Give her my sympathy, please
Thank you so much. It’ll mean a lot to her.
Please pass on my condolences. That is sad news.
Thank you. Doing ok now, justed stressed. Put husband & kid on a plane to St. Louis, now the dogs & I get to camp by our onesies through the Grand Tetons then Jackson Hole for the conference. My peeps will miss some beautiful country, but duty calls. I’ll take lots of photos for them, but it’s still not the same. And, although they are great cuddlers, dogs are not outstanding conversationalists. If they could talk mine would say “Take us to DAIRY QUEEN!”
Duncan, Yes, WJS. I think most close childhood friends gradually grow apart. These two stay close because they have that rare ability to understand and support what’s truly important to each other. And they prioritize taking the time to nurture the friendship, something I wish I was better at. I mean, I always intend to call or write, but somehow I just don’t get it done . . .
One thing I thought about the first wedding, though, is the one wearing the tux got the better end of the deal, at least compared to weddings I’ve stood up for. A tux is just so classy looking, whereas I sometimes wonder if the prerequisite for selecting bridesmaid dresses is to find the one dress that will LEAST flatter the bridesmaids.
And a note on my personal “There’s Hope for World” list, the wedding wasn’t held at the church the girls grew up in, but it was held in the associated Knights of Columbus hall. I think the church officials purposefully looked the other way, but even that is a shift from business as ususal. Yes, we need a 180 degree change in opinion, but 90 degrees is half way there albeit in a minute part of the population.
Update on the tux being classy looking comment: Thinking about weddings made me a little nostalgic, so I pulled out some old photos, and—let me just say I was talking about penguin tuxes earlier, black suits worn with pristine white shirts and bowtie/cumberbund any tasteful color.
I was not, repeat NOT talking about any tux made of burgandy crushed velour sporting lapels with a wingspan wide enough to make a giant condor jealous, worn over a pink shirt with frilled jabot instead of bowtie.
I have a couple of men friends who’ve been together since college - they’re in their early-70’s now. When you see two people who can live and love together for that long, it’s should make anyone’s heart happy.