HGTV: The Dark Side
Apr282008
I just dropped a bookcase down the stairs.
I have this thing about moving everything myself. Probably a single mother thing. Don’t need no stinkin’ man to help me. So I’ve been doing great, I even moved my weight machine by myself and only took out some duct work and the top of a doorway.
Then I got to the bookcases. You may have seen them at West Elm, twelve squares, three across, four down, white, look deceptively light? They weigh the earth. And I got the first one down about three steps and it just . . . went. When it landed, it disassembled itself. Which is okay, I assembled it in the first place (and a bitch it was, too) but it turns out that when you drop a really heavy bookcase from a great height, it doesn’t just come apart, metal things bend.
So I pick up the pieces and I get my mallet and I start putting it back together and after much swearing and cursing and shoving, I get it all together except for the top which won’t go on because one of the metal things is bent. And this metal thing, unlike the others, does not respond to my pushing and shoving and swearing. So I’m staring at it in disgust and my contractor comes in and says, “What are you doing?” And I say, “You know those eight bookcases I told you I was going to move by myself? You’re going to have to get some help and do it because I dropped this one and now the damn thing won’t go back together because of one lousy screw.”
And he said, “You tried to move this yourself,” with that Bob Look on his face. It must be a universal male look, attached to the Y chromosome. I said, “Hey, I moved the weight machine by myself.” He said, “Don’t do that.” Then he yanked the bent screw out and I put the top back on the bookcase and we went upstairs and I showed him these two gorgeous turn of the century art glass doors that needed to be moved and that I could not figure out where to put, and he said, “How about there?” and damn if he wasn’t right. And this time, without the Bob Look.
So tonight I have to clean out the last six bookcases and get those ready to go downstairs with the treadclimber. I hope he brings a lot of help.
And tomorrow I go home for my mother’s birthday. I’m taking Milton. Veronica’s nerves would never stand the trip, so my mother said, “Bring Milton.” Milton and I in a car for four hours. God knows what we’ll talk about. Probably me dropping the bookcase. He stood at the top of the stairs and watched, and I swear when I looked up at him, he was wagging his tail and he had that “Do it again!” look in his eye.
At least it wasn’t the Bob Look.
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71 Comments to 'HGTV: The Dark Side'
On April 28, 2008 at 3:40 pm wendy roberts said...
I’m surprised Milton didn’t hop on the bookcase and slide down for the ride! Maybe next time.
On April 28, 2008 at 3:57 pm Kyrathered said...
Ya know, I hate to agree with anyone giving you a Bob look … but don’t move really heavy stuff by yourself. Professional movers, even the ones with an XY profile, know not to move really heavy stuff all by their lonesome. Just wear the red things and give imperious directions. It’s more fun that way
On April 28, 2008 at 4:07 pm McB said...
Maybe you should have let Milton move the bookcase.
On April 28, 2008 at 4:25 pm Diane (TT) said...
Men are so cute when they try to tell you what to do.
I’m with Kyra on the “professional movers” thing. Being determined/ independent/ stubborn can get one through an awful lot of crises – but there are a few that just get worse. I always get professional movers, because I figure they know their limits, and it is NOT my fault if my furniture hurts them. Unlike my middle-aged friends. They would try, if I asked, and I SO don’t want to be responsible for herniated discs and heart attacks. Also, the pros have insurance for when THEY drop your bookcase down the stairs.
So glad that it didn’t fall on you, or one of the pups!
And I’m sure that Milton will have plenty to say, like “Faster!”. But suggest that you don’t tell that to the nice officer when he/ she pulls you over.
On April 28, 2008 at 4:56 pm Courtney De said...
I’m all about moving big heavy stuff by myself, but even I draw the line at stairs. It would be very sad if I were to open my newspaper and see the headline: “Famous Author Killed by Bookcase as Dogs Watch.” Don’t do that. Let the Big Strong Men do it. It makes them feel special.
You and Milton in a car for four hours: I bet he goes to sleep as soon as the novelty wears off.
On April 28, 2008 at 5:13 pm francois said...
Aw. Reminds me of the time we got our wardrobe down the stairs to realise it didn’t fit out the bottom. It came up as a flatpack you see. Took us half an hour to haul that thing back up again. Unfortunately it was the puny one (me) that was stuck alone at the top trying to lift it over each painful step. I wish it had disassembled itself like yours!
On April 28, 2008 at 5:17 pm Eileen said...
I compulsively move heavy items all the time. There was a bad mattress down the stairs incident of which we don’t speak- but it involved taking out a lighting fixture in a flurry of sparks and broken glass.
On April 28, 2008 at 6:15 pm Louis said...
Happy Birthday to your Mom.
She sent a delightful writer out to the world.
Thanks to Mom!
On April 28, 2008 at 6:46 pm K.L. said...
sigh. You know some of those wall-banger books where the heroine does something really stupid that Everyone Knows she shouldn’t do, and it is obvious that it is just a plot forwarding device? You know those books? Don’t be a TSTL heroine. Let the hunky guys do the lifting. Take pictures. Admire muscles. Take more pictures. Share pictures. Wipe up the drool if you have to, but DON’T LIFT HEAVY STUFF DOWN THE STAIRS BY YOURSELF. We need you.
On April 28, 2008 at 6:51 pm Tara said...
My “I don’t need no stinkin’ man” attitude is still as strong as ever when it comes to moving heavy things, but it’s really lost a lot of muscle when it comes to fixing things, or installing things.
I’ve gotten to where I ask the DH to fix/install whatever it is every couple of days for a few weeks. Then I announce that I’m going to fix it and make a grand show of marching to the garage. Then I come back in the house every five minutes and ask a stupid question about how to do the next step or which tool would be best to use. Eventually, the DH begins to get nervous that it won’t be done right or it’ll be crooked or I’ll electrocute myself and the cops will think he killed me. Then he gets the Bob look and tells me he’ll fix it while I go make lunch, which is what I wanted him to do 3 weeks earlier. And then I move something heavy so he doesn’t think I’m a complete wimp.
I am not proud of myself when I stoop to this kind of manipulation.
I think he’s catching on.
On April 28, 2008 at 8:00 pm Mary Stella said...
I’m part of that “I can do it myself” independent, single woman demographic. I compound this by saying, “How hard can it be?” No, I really don’t want an answer.
I’ve built a computer desk with hutch, cabinet with tilt-out recycling thing, shelves, and adirondack chairs. None of these projects were easy. The fake wood/MPD (MPF?) board stuff is heavy as all get out.
I’ve grown to loathe the Allen wrench.
With age has come both wisdom and more disposable income. I can afford to pay someone to assemble these things for me and I’m wise enough to do so and save myself the time and aggravation. *g*
Probably saved myself an assault charge, too, because I might hurl a hand tool at someone who gives me a “Bob” look.
On April 28, 2008 at 8:55 pm Barbara Martin said...
Take the contractor’s advice. Do not move heavy furniture by yourself. Get someone else, or a pair of others. Preferably the heavy-set type. If you don’t listen to reason, your back will complain bitterly for the rest of your life.
I have a friend, who in her younger days, thought nothing of lifting heavy objects including the front end of a ‘64 Mercury Monterey. She carried a kitchen stove from the back of my pickup into a new house, all by herself, and up a short flight of stairs. Today, she can’t lift heavy items without severe back pain. Sometimes the grip in her fingers goes away just at the moment it’s needed: her tendons have worn out, and there’s nothing to replace them with.
Is this enough of a warning, Jenny? I hope so. Your fans, including me, would like to continue seeing those stories you churn out.
And I haven’t even given you a “Bob” look.
On April 28, 2008 at 9:25 pm Kate said...
I can honestly say that I would have probably done the same thing. When we were moving last year, I boxed up many, many books. My husband’s engineering books were the worst. Those boxes slid down the stairs and no way will I take them up a flight.
I did have the mover guys come to load and unload the truck. I will probably continue to have my young macho sons move stuff in the future…it’s what I had them for right? LOL
Take care! Wish your mom a happy birthday for me… and an early Happy Mother’s day too.
On April 28, 2008 at 9:26 pm Micki said...
Ah, Gravity — a mixed blessing. Glad to hear no one lost any limbs in the adventure, though.
“I don’t need no steekin’ men” is an attitude I can sympathize with, but even the steekin’ men don’t try and move those things by themselves. In a pinch, maybe you can find some steekin’ women to help out.
I believe I read about a moving company made up of just women, for women. But it’s in Japan . . . so I have a feeling the “transportation fees” would be killer.
But boy, that’s so exciting that you house is getting a new look! I’d like a new look, but I haven’t the foggiest idea about where to start.
On April 28, 2008 at 10:07 pm talpianna said...
Jenny, don’t you realize that THAT’S WHAT MEN EVOLVED FOR??? Heavy lifting and killing spiders in the bathtub. I mean, why else would we keep them around?
You’re taking Milton. What are Wolfie and Annie, chopped liver? I hope they get some, if they don’t get to go to the party!
On April 28, 2008 at 11:14 pm sheagal said...
As a fellow single gal, the big, heavyset man is not usually an option. Plus, the motivation to take on home projects is highly intermittent. So when I get the urge, I tend to jump on it. I’m not saying it’s advisable. I’m just saying, I know where your coming from. It all seems like a good idea at the top of the stairs. Once I tried to move an old breakfront with glass shelves. My pushing and pulling moved the cheap supports and four glass shelves came crashing down in a terrifying and spectacular manner. Not to mention all the glass things that were on the shelves. (okay, I didn’t bother to move them first). It scared the heck out of me. l learned my lesson for awhile. But common sense is not the natural way of things, I guess. Let’s be careful out there.
On April 28, 2008 at 11:28 pm Patrice said...
I am so proud of you.
Mainly because this post affirms that I’m not the only one who attempts to move the world with a lever, or blind faith, or stubborn determination.
On April 28, 2008 at 11:29 pm orangehands said...
I’m *thisclose* to giving you the OH look, which may be even worse than the Bob look. i’m independent, but i like my back just the way it is- working. my mother and i do a lot of home repairs/projects by ourselves, but if something is too heavy we get help. (mostly my brother’s best friend; hey, we feed him, he can help us move the desk).
seriously, high school sudents/neighborhood kids were invented for this.
On April 28, 2008 at 11:30 pm orangehands said...
oh, and Happy Birthday to your mom!
On April 28, 2008 at 11:40 pm Ellie said...
Cursing in situations like that is a good way to vent. Telling the frustrating SOB that it is a frustrating SOB doesn’t move/fix the object, but it makes me feel better. Then I wonder which of us is the actual frustrating SOB…
On April 29, 2008 at 12:09 am Marilyn K said...
Lordy, I know how it is to want to do things yourself, but down a flight of stairs!? No way. Takes at least two. Did the bookcase work afterward, when the screw was removed? Glad that no animals including humans were harmed. I and my sisters (yes, sisters three of us have what we call the “***** insert maiden name Back) we inherited a bad back that rears its ugley head in our 30’s. Yes we adamantly accuse our dad for this. But our mother who was very independant did these sort of things (home repairs, moving heavy object, ect.) My sisters and I are doomed to do this and pay with pain and suffering afterwards. Let the young muscles do the work. Get pictures please.
Happy brthday to your Mom. You’re so lucky to still have her.
On April 29, 2008 at 1:33 am CrankyOtter said...
I’m obsessively self reliant, and even I paid a couple strong young bucks from work to haul my similar 4X4 shelving unit up the stairs. And movers to haul it down. They do weigh the earth. I can’t even shove it without teflon skids, which I attached with the help of a car jack to access the bottom.
Good luck on rearranging everything without squishing a dog.
On April 29, 2008 at 3:08 am Jenny said...
Okay, okay, OKAY. Sheesh.
I can move the bookcases around on the same floor. They’re on casters. It’s okay. It’s just down the stairs . . .
Did I mention I put together a daybed all by myself. About two screws from the end I lost the allen wrench, but since I do this a lot, I have a stockpile.
And no birthday party because my dad has a cold, so no road trip for Milton. Veronica would have enjoyed that, too. A whole day without Milton chewing on her.
On April 29, 2008 at 3:27 am Jenyfer Matthews said...
I don’t have to say it because everyone else already has. But you know, I’ve still done stuff like this too. Sometimes even when you have a big strong man around you still get tired of waiting for them to get up and DO IT. I nearly tipped our huge TV off the shelf one day moving a bookshelf that was next to it.
I balk at stairs though. Glad to hear that no one, including Milton, was hurt in the process.
On April 29, 2008 at 7:24 am amydahling said...
Sure, don’t try to move super heavy things by yourself. I tried to move the piano by myself once, thinking, “It’s on casters, how hard can it be?” The answer is, “Very hard, and it will leave a long gouge in your refinished hardwood floors in the process.”
But I’m with Jenyfer here; sometimes, you just have to move something right the hell now. If I need to move only moderately heavy things by myself, I put pot holders under each leg. They act as casters on the wood floors, and things slide very easily, with little to no strain on my back. If it will work for this 5′ tall girl, it can work for you!
On April 29, 2008 at 7:27 am Lynn said...
I’m with you, why wait for someone to move that furniture for you when you can do it yourself? Geez. However, it takes only one bookcase to change your mind. Glad to hear no one was hurt and your bookcase ultimately saved. It was worth suffering “the look” to have him put the thing back together.
A daybed? Excellent. Putting furniture together is fun, even with left over pieces. You know, sometimes they put extra in the box just to mess with you. Heard there was a new IKEA down your way … you probably need more stuff. Right?
On April 29, 2008 at 7:34 am jenifer said...
I love Milton’s “Do it again!” look.
And I hope your dad feels better soon!
Now to the heavy lifting – it’s okay for women to lift, just not alone. If you can’t get help, don’t move things! Most men would probably do well to follow this advice also. Just sayin’.
Which is completely different from putting together. Putting together is something we women are good at. We can both read and follow instructions, and we’re usually good with the manual dexterity. When men have something they want put together, they’d do well to find a woman to read them the instructions and tell them when they’re doing it wrong.
On April 29, 2008 at 7:46 am Mary Stella said...
Sure we read and follow directions, but show me assembly instructions that aren’t written in gibberishese.
You know you’re doomed when the package says: “Some assembly required.”
That’s double-talk for, “You’ll spend the next three hours cursing a blue streak, dropping heavy pieces, trying to figure out Part A from Panel B and whether you’re holding Screw C, D or E. You’ll lucky to escape without accidentally amputating a toe and forget about saving your manicure.”
On April 29, 2008 at 8:54 am deborah said...
Tara said: “I’ve gotten to where I ask the DH to fix/install whatever it is every couple of days for a few weeks. Then I announce that I’m going to fix it and make a grand show of marching to the garage.”
I normally don’t comment on here, I just sit back and laugh. But I had to respond to this. My friend’s husband is a painter/wallpaperer, and you know the old saying, “The cobbler’s kids have no shoes…” or however it goes. Well, when she wants him to paint something, she’ll grab one of the kids craft paintbrushes and start to paint the wall. He probably gives her the “Bob look,” before he grabs the right brush and starts to work.
On April 29, 2008 at 9:08 am JulieB said...
I have to say, I have moved a lot of things by my self as well. There is one thing, however, that I won’t move; my piano. My sister-in-law tried to move hers to vaccuum behind it and snapped one of the legs clean off. You don’t want to look behind mine. It’s a cautionary tale about taking housework too seriously.
I’m sorry your plans were postponed. Hope your dad’s feeling better soon. Happy birthday to your mom, and a belated one to Veronica.
On April 29, 2008 at 10:23 am Susan D said...
Hey, it’s your mom’s birthday too? (Also 1922?) Happy Birthday to them both.
It’s not about getting big strong guys to move things (except pianos, which need big strong professionals with the right equipment to move). It’s about getting someone else — anyone else (except perhaps your 86-year-old mom) — to give a hand when stairs are involved.
Speaking of which, I gave my mother more than a Bob look when I found she’d moved my stove to get something she had dropped behind it. Fortunately, no ill effects, but — sheeeessh!
Jenny, you can always call upon your faithful Cherries to lend a hand.
On April 29, 2008 at 11:54 am Lou said...
Happy Birthday to your Mom, Jenny. Hope your Dad feels better soon!
Heavy stuff and stairs – not a good mix, even for us strong, independent types. Your contractor sounds like a nice guy!
On April 29, 2008 at 12:36 pm Jenny said...
Nah, my mom’s just a puppy still. Eighty-two today.
I am still carrying things up and down the stairs but they are light. And annoying. From now on whenever I start to buy something, I’m going to think, “You’re going to have to carry that someday.” Must be getting old.
And the trash pile in the garage is growing to embarrassing heights. Well, the old stove didn’t help, but even so. They’re getting a dumpster for the pantry demo and I’m thinking it’ll be full of my stuff before the first dry wall hits. I am so excited about that pantry wall coming down, I can’t stand it.
Which gives you an idea of how thrilling my life is.
Off to carry more stuff. And reupholster the couch.
On April 29, 2008 at 12:51 pm L. said...
I moved a loveseat/hid-a-bed down the stairs by myself once. It went down just fine, but I mananged to put a lovely gouge in the drywall at the bottom of the stairs. I’m hell on drywall.
On April 29, 2008 at 2:13 pm Carol said...
My dad just had to show me how to move the particle board bookcase down the stairs. He slid it, yelling “Gangway!” It slid right into the downstairs apartment wall and disintegrated just like yours. I’m laughing about it, just typing.
On April 29, 2008 at 2:33 pm McB said...
Yeah, I have single-woman-itis too. Compounded by I-can-do-anything-taller-people-can-do-disorder.
But I’m making great strides towards recovery. Not because I’m getting older. Nope, not me. I just want to let other people feel good about themselves by helping me. It’s a public service thing, really.
Enjoy the new pantry excitement. Hey, I get it, I really do. I still get a thrill just looking at my new pantry doors.
On April 29, 2008 at 4:51 pm Diane (TT) said...
See, upholstering the couch is the kind of project that I would only take on after months of dithering and much prayer and fasting. And Jenny tacks it on, like taking out the trash (not demolition/ remodeling trash, plain old kitchen or office trash). Wow.
I am going to go pull weeds in a friend’s garden plot. This is the level of activity of which I am capable today. I don’t THINK the carrot cake and chocolate mintini lunch is responsible for my lack of ambition, but it is, I suppose, possible.
On April 29, 2008 at 6:19 pm robena grant said...
Okay, so this is a test to see if I’m still in spam mail hell.
On April 29, 2008 at 6:31 pm robena grant said...
Yay! I’m out, I’ve been released!
I wrote twice yesterday while you were all moving furniture and giving Jenny the double-Bob look, and having fun, sniff. I know you all sat around eating ice-cream after all the moving. And I was waving and calling out, and nobody could hear me.
I did have to laugh at your antics, Jenny. I’ve done similar myself. I guess it does come from living alone and when stuff needs to be done you just do it.
Happy birthday to your mom, hope your dad feels better soon, and hugs for the dogs. Tell Milton that Bob will take him for a drive next time he visits.
On April 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm DownUnderGal said...
Well I got to say, your contractor sounds kind of evolved.
What, the man didn’t even touch your “one lousy screw” line? Not even an eyebrow raise?
Would Bob have done the same?
On April 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm DownUnderGal said...
Oh and what they said – leave the lifting to Mr Evolved and his henchmen.
On April 29, 2008 at 9:19 pm Jenny said...
Robena, I’ve just been deleting the spam folder instead of checking it. The last time I looked, there were over 1800 in there and I just couldn’t face that many messages from the criminally greedy. In other news, some spammer just got 21 months in prison.
Sorry you got caught in there!
On April 29, 2008 at 9:35 pm talpianna said...
Jenny, may I suggest:
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml01/01203a.jpg
On April 29, 2008 at 9:43 pm Office Wench Cherry said...
Happy Birthday Jenny’s Mom! Many happy returns of the day.
On April 29, 2008 at 11:17 pm robena grant said...
Interesting article on the spammer. Wow, you had 1800. I get really mad when I have a dozen. Not that my blog is open to comments, I use it as a twice monthly newsletter, but the idiots leave their stuff on the email address on the website.
I’d written yesterday to tell you your friend Katherine Ramsland was blogging at Bookends. She had some interesting things to say on defining and making character voice distinctive.
On April 29, 2008 at 11:50 pm Jenyfer Matthews said...
It sounds like you have redecorating syndrome – once you do one thing, you can’t stop yourself doing the rest! I would love to paint the wall above the fireplace in my living room. But then I look around and know that if I paint *that* wall, I’ll want to paint the wall next to it, and so on and so on. When will it end???
And yet I yearn to have a house of my own to tear into one day…
On April 30, 2008 at 12:06 am Jenny said...
Tal, I have two of those. Somewhere. I’d forgotten them entirely. Must go look for them, thank you.
Anytime Katherine blogs, it’s interesting, so thanks for the head’s up, Robena.
Jenyfer, that’s it exactly. One damn thing leads to another. Although in this case it was two damn things: a shortage of guest bedrooms (one is not enough when you collaborate with two people) and a kitchen that was making me way too cranky. And then I started moving stuff to different rooms and it’s just snowballed. But the end is in sight for the moving part and then I’ll just lock myself in my office and let the contractor do the rest.
I am very tired of carrying books, though. I may possibly have too many.
On April 30, 2008 at 1:03 am CrankyOtter said...
I for one am very excited to hear about your new pantry. I’m remodeling a kitchen myself and have acquired a fabulous french door fridge with bottom freezer which I love. My brother has a similar one and when I called to have him talk me down from spending that kind of money on an appliance, he said, ‘I use it every day and I love it every day. People who don’t have these fridges don’t even know how much they hate theirs, but everyone could love their fridge.’ I think the same applies to pantries. And if the pantry makes you happy, happy writers write more, no?
On April 30, 2008 at 8:37 am Erica - Aussie CB said...
Jenny said: “I am very tired of carrying books, though. I may possibly have too many.”
Is too many books even possible? lol
I have to say, I love hearing about the redecorating and such
On April 30, 2008 at 8:45 am Courtney De said...
One can never have too many books…except when you have to move or redecorate. Sad, unfortunate law of nature.
Now, tell me we get to have before and after pictures of all of this remodeling and redecorating? Purty please? I have an apartment, so all of my HGTV urges must be seriously curbed. I let them free by living vicariously through others. And, if they would put on a show with just the before and after shots, I would be ecstatically happy. I don’t need to see all of that hard work in between-in ruins my delusions.
Good luck!
On April 30, 2008 at 12:18 pm Sheri said...
oh yeah–been there done that. I also have a tendency to do things by myself–if I have to wait around for help it will never get done! I have also discovered that if I start pushing large heavy objects around that my daughter’s bf comes over and insists on doing it for me–he gets to feel macho and I get my crap moved without lifting a finger!! Hey, it works for me–YMMV!
And yes, my dogs have given me “the look” also… *grin*
On April 30, 2008 at 12:25 pm Sheri said...
o–and I learned the hard way about stairs and moving. We mosved into this fabulous house int he mountains many years ago when I was much younger. the only problem was that the front door through which we had to move stuff was at the bottom of a very steep driveway and was actually on the bottom level of the house, whereas the kitchen and laundry room were on the second level. Yep. You can see the problem, right? Have you ever had to move APPLIANCES up stairs? Long, NARROW stairs?!! It is not a task for the faint of heart OR the weak of back!! That stairway was painted blue by the time my husband and I got the washer, dryer, and refrigerator up them!! Haha!! Needless to say, when we moved out I think we left the washer there… I couldn’t face moving it back down the stairs!! LOL!
and no, Jenny–you can NEVER have too many books!!
On April 30, 2008 at 3:15 pm Cary said...
I’m pretending I didn’t read the line about too many books.
I’m a move/assemble/pack/unpack it all yourself woman too. I can’t even recall all the flat-pack furniture I’ve assembled over the last ten or so years. Desks, dressers – I’ve done it all. But I’m starting to think about the “how do I move it out of here” thing. I seriously wanted to replace my couch and chair, but I couldn’t figure out how to, a) get rid of them, and, b) move the new ones in by myself. I hate paying more for uglier furniture just so that you can get delivery.
And I think Ikea needs car loading help. Lots of single women like me shop there for furniture. It’s easy to put together, even by yourself. But it isn’t easy to load. No one to watch your stuff while you move your car, and no one to help balance the packages as you load them in. Once you’re home, it’s easy, just open the packages in the car and take it in pieces to the house. But at the loading dock…
Good luck with the reno!!!
On April 30, 2008 at 5:31 pm JulieB said...
Now, it may have been my imagination — but I think my IKEA _does_ have people who will help you load up. _Someone_ helped me load up my daughter’s bed and dresser. I assumed he worked there…..
On April 30, 2008 at 11:36 pm Jenny said...
I carpeted my workroom and half the exercise room tonight. I am woman, watch me Flor. Those carpet tiles are genius.
Oh, and the guys carried an armoire up the stairs, and seven bookcases and a storage unit down the stairs today. Then they got to the treadclimber and said, “Tomorrow, with more people.” That’s a heavy sucker. I can move it from room to room by myself but the stairs? Not a chance in hell.
Tomorrow, the pantry walls come down. Very exciting. Especially since we don’t know what’s IN the walls.
On May 1, 2008 at 1:08 am talpianna said...
Rats in the walls, à la Lovecraft? Or something even more horrid, à la Poe?
Jenny, the remark about too many books reminds me of a favorite quote from mystery writer Ursula Curtiss. The heroine was thinking of selling the family home now that she was alone, and moving into an apartment. As she was sorting books, she thought to herself that trying to decide which books to discard felt like stomping on the fingers of survivors trying to climb into an already overcrowded lifeboat…
On May 1, 2008 at 7:32 am Nancy F said...
I am a second generation “I can move it myself” woman. Learned everything I know from my Mom who is 80 this July.
She taught me the value of a strong rag rug and a hardwood floor. Two women can move a heavy piece of furniture tipped onto as few of it’s legs/edges/arms/whateverlooksstrongest as possible, rag rug underneath… held up and pushed by one, and the other hauling on the rug to drag it across the floor. I was skinny-er then. I wonder if that was what kept me thin…moving the living room furniture around with my Mom.
My Dad is an expert at the Bob look. Then he goes and hides in his shed where he secretly moves around all of his powertools/garedningstuff/artsupplies. He uses the wheel barrow. I’ve caught him. He also says he is glad the one thing Mom can’t move is the toilet, so he can count on one thing being where he expects it.
Ditto on the vote of there is no such thing as too many books. Too many books is only the pessimists way of saying buy more book shelves.
On May 1, 2008 at 8:10 am Susan D said...
Ha! Brilliant image, Talpianna.
I find whenever I have to move my many many books (but never TOO many; that would be like finally admitting I’m allergic to my cat) that I invariably find long-lost books, books that need re-reading, books that need a first reading and books I swear I’ve never seen before. It’s like visiting a bookshop with a big fat gift certificate.
On May 1, 2008 at 10:05 am Jenny said...
Worse than rats, Tal. Plumbing. You find that in the wrong place, it gets expensive.
On May 1, 2008 at 4:12 pm Mary said...
You go girl. I know all about moving stuff by yourself as a single parent. I once wedged myself in the stairwell between a heavy dresser and the wall. The whole time I was stuck I kept thinking “somebody will save me once they smell the baby’s diaper”–fortunately my four year old came in and I convinced him to go next door and get help. I survived. He and his sister survived and now we are all old, fat and happy! Argh!
On May 1, 2008 at 6:55 pm talpianna said...
Susan D, you are a victim of bookbreeding. When left alone long enough, they mate and produce offspring. Where did you THINK paperbacks came from?
I put a copy of BODY LANGUAGE next to my Old English Dictionary, and now I have a copy of ANGLO-SAXON ATTITUDES.
I put a copy of THE VELVETEEN RABBIT next to a copy of HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE, and now I have a copy of RABBIT IS RICH.
Jenny, I’m just pretending to myself that the house won’t need to be rewired until after I’m dead.
On May 1, 2008 at 7:00 pm RandomRanter said...
I feel compelled to share that as a child I tossed things down the stairs. My mother caught me one day with a small chest of drawers. (She managed to stop me). So, I guess I used to be Milton.
On May 1, 2008 at 8:25 pm robena grant said...
Ooooh, Jenny, what if you found a hidden basement or something behind that wall and then there was a tunnel that had been sealed up and it led to … nah, that sounds like a story I once read.
On May 2, 2008 at 8:23 am Jenny said...
It’s in the middle of the house. The only thing in that wall is dust and possibly plumbing.
However, the sealed up elevator shaft continues to intrigue me. And someday, we’re gonna open it. When I have money to throw away on things like opening elevator shafts.
On May 2, 2008 at 11:42 am andi said...
Ohhhh, be careful with the plumbing! My cheapo Ikea curtains(although, honestly they look gooooood) have now become custom draaaaperies(said with snobbish nasal affect)because in hanging them ourselves, we drilled through the main drainpipe line from the upstairs. Curses. The only way to access said pipe was to disassemble the exterior of my house. stupid, stupid, stupid! Take your pick… me, husband, curtains, whatever.
On May 2, 2008 at 8:07 pm talpianna said...
Jenny, if you can’t get at least one book plot out of that elevator shaft, you’re not the woman I think you! And once Bob gets involved, the sky’s the limit!
On May 3, 2008 at 4:56 pm G and T said...
Elevator shaft?
On May 3, 2008 at 8:07 pm talpianna said...
Jenny’s house seems to be as well furnished as Snoopy’s doghouse. Do you suppose she, too, has a Van Gogh?
On May 3, 2008 at 8:48 pm marta said...
The man I married came with a DM and DS who are, to put it mildly, decision-challenged. (They went all last summer with 9 different foot-wide vertical stripes of paint on the family room walls because they couldn’t decide . . .) The only thing that scares him is hearing his mother’s voice saying, “Maybe the sofa would look better over there—” He told me upfront, “I’ll move any piece of furniture you want, anywhere you want, once.”
So, I put silicon casters under everything I can, and use those wonderful “moving men” padded silicon disc sliders for everything else. On stairs, I use big sheets of cardboard. ‘Cause, sometimes you really need to see how the sofa looks ‘over there’.
On May 4, 2008 at 8:54 am Jenny said...
No Van Gogh, but I have a ton of Art Deco china and Mexican folk art. I’m throwing out and giving to Goodwill a lot of stuff, but not that.
I’ll blog again. I did a rant and then decided life was too short. I also have over thirty drafts on here, mostly things I need to think through more. But in the meantime, I’m moving boxes. I can see half the floor in the studio now. It’s very exciting. And the dumpster finally got here so TOMORROW the pantry comes down.
And then there’s that writing thing which is fine because it’s AKMG and after thinking about it the whole time I was finishing D&G, I think I’ve got it. This afternoon: The Whiteboard.
On May 6, 2008 at 9:22 am Susan D said...
And I just have to add one more thing. This weekend I FINALLY cleaned out the closet in the Office/Guest room that used to be my daughter’s bedroom, and who now has a husband and 2 kids. I filled the car with all her stuff from childhood and university and drove out to her mansion in the suburbs which is 4 times the size of my house and said, Here, now that you have a million-room house, YOU have to store it.
Oh, the joy of a whole closet for ME.
It must be a Spring thing, this cleaning-out obsession.