Comments on: Nine New Names for Love http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/ More than you ever wanted to hear from Bestselling Author Jenny Crusie. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 07:42:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: Duncan http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-27067 Duncan Tue, 04 Mar 2008 03:05:56 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-27067 Jenny, I don't think 'limerence' came from Erich Fromm. It came from a psychologist named Dorothy Tennov, who wrote a book called "Love and Limerence" that was first published in 1980, reissued in 1999, and is still in print. (It looks like Simone DeBeauvoir gave it a blurb, which impresses me.) I read it one time. As I recall, limerence is lovesickness, obsession, the kind of love that takes away your appetite and makes it impossible to sleep. I think that Cynthia Heimel did a better job on this sort of thing in her immortal Sex Tips for Girls. I should reread The Art of Loving, it has been a while. I liked best about it, as I recall, that he put more stress on loving, rather than being loved -- he said that most people think the hard part is finding someone to love *them*, that loving someone else comes easy. More than that I don't remember, so it's probably time to read it again. Jenny, I don’t think ‘limerence’ came from Erich Fromm. It came from a psychologist named Dorothy Tennov, who wrote a book called “Love and Limerence” that was first published in 1980, reissued in 1999, and is still in print. (It looks like Simone DeBeauvoir gave it a blurb, which impresses me.) I read it one time. As I recall, limerence is lovesickness, obsession, the kind of love that takes away your appetite and makes it impossible to sleep. I think that Cynthia Heimel did a better job on this sort of thing in her immortal Sex Tips for Girls.

I should reread The Art of Loving, it has been a while. I liked best about it, as I recall, that he put more stress on loving, rather than being loved — he said that most people think the hard part is finding someone to love *them*, that loving someone else comes easy. More than that I don’t remember, so it’s probably time to read it again.

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]]> By: talpianna http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26346 talpianna Tue, 26 Feb 2008 22:52:48 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26346 C.S. Lewis's THE FOUR LOVES discusses the four types: affection (he doesn't, IIRC, use <i>storge); philia,</i> friendship; <i>eros,</i> sexual/romantic love; and <i>agape</i> disinterested love of others, or of God, or of God for mankind. C.S. Lewis’s THE FOUR LOVES discusses the four types: affection (he doesn’t, IIRC, use storge); philia, friendship; eros, sexual/romantic love; and agape disinterested love of others, or of God, or of God for mankind.

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]]> By: colognegrrl http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26318 colognegrrl Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:49:47 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26318 Diane - I suppose you'd pronounce it so that it rhymes with Corgi (the Queen's dogs). Diane -
I suppose you’d pronounce it so that it rhymes with Corgi (the Queen’s dogs).

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]]> By: Diane (TT) http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26312 Diane (TT) Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:36:07 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26312 Because I have the mind that has to look some things up (also, I am not too far behind at the moment): the fourth kind of love described by the Greeks is <i>storge</i>, the love between parents and children. I don't speak Greek, but I can't imagine a way to pronounce that in an attractive way. And if it has made its way into any English words, as a root, I can't think of one. Because I have the mind that has to look some things up (also, I am not too far behind at the moment): the fourth kind of love described by the Greeks is storge, the love between parents and children.

I don’t speak Greek, but I can’t imagine a way to pronounce that in an attractive way. And if it has made its way into any English words, as a root, I can’t think of one.

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]]> By: ang http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26310 ang Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:27:20 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26310 petophiles - lol! Good one Duncan :-) petophiles – lol! Good one Duncan :-)

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]]> By: colognegrrl http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26300 colognegrrl Tue, 26 Feb 2008 16:59:14 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26300 I heard that the touareg in the Sahara desert also have a lot of different words for wind (or was it sand?) because it's so relevant for them to describe the difference - as it is, I suppose, for the Inuit to differentiate kinds of snow. (I learned that 'Eskimo' is not PC.) I think this will always happen if you have the need to distinguish things beyond the vocabulary they are assigned. That's why some groups develop such a strange code or jargon. Such as nobody but members of our family could understand the term "gay noodles". I heard that the touareg in the Sahara desert also have a lot of different words for wind (or was it sand?) because it’s so relevant for them to describe the difference – as it is, I suppose, for the Inuit to differentiate kinds of snow. (I learned that ‘Eskimo’ is not PC.)

I think this will always happen if you have the need to distinguish things beyond the vocabulary they are assigned. That’s why some groups develop such a strange code or jargon. Such as nobody but members of our family could understand the term “gay noodles”.

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]]> By: robena grant http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26234 robena grant Tue, 26 Feb 2008 07:11:20 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26234 Limerance is "the crush" or "the big obsession" where there is attraction from both sides but it is a little off kilter, more fantasy based. There's this push me pull me dance thing going on. (Don't kill me but sort of like the basis for most romantic novels.) The only way to stop the fantasy is for one or the other of the duo to declare real feelings, then it dissipates or takes off in a new direction. Or something like that. I got to thinking. LIME is sour combine it with RANCE and you have the bitter-sweet journey of romance. No? Limerance is “the crush” or “the big obsession” where there is attraction from both sides but it is a little off kilter, more fantasy based. There’s this push me pull me dance thing going on.
(Don’t kill me but sort of like the basis for most romantic novels.)
The only way to stop the fantasy is for one or the other of the duo to declare real feelings, then it dissipates or takes off in a new direction. Or something like that.
I got to thinking. LIME is sour combine it with RANCE and you have the bitter-sweet journey of romance. No?

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]]> By: Jenny http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26227 Jenny Tue, 26 Feb 2008 03:55:25 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26227 Limerance. Is that from Erich Fromm? I think that's where I first read about it, in The Art of Loving. I love his analysis of immature love/infatuation/limerance and mature love/unconditional love. I really liked the way he argued that immature love/limerance was a necessary step, not frivolous but valuable, the step that may mature into unconditional love. It takes the sting out of limerance because you ALWAYS feel like an idiot when you're in the throes, But it's good, it's necessary. As for Atwood, since the comparison was to the different words for snow, I think it's up in the air. I'm sure there are different words for packed snow, snow flurries, wet snow, icy snow, etc. different states of snow, so possibly she meant words for different states of love instead of different kinds of love. But I think it can be argued that the different words for snow are for different kinds of snow, too. It's a good point, though. Thanks for bringing it up. Limerance. Is that from Erich Fromm? I think that’s where I first read about it, in The Art of Loving. I love his analysis of immature love/infatuation/limerance and mature love/unconditional love. I really liked the way he argued that immature love/limerance was a necessary step, not frivolous but valuable, the step that may mature into unconditional love. It takes the sting out of limerance because you ALWAYS feel like an idiot when you’re in the throes, But it’s good, it’s necessary.

As for Atwood, since the comparison was to the different words for snow, I think it’s up in the air. I’m sure there are different words for packed snow, snow flurries, wet snow, icy snow, etc. different states of snow, so possibly she meant words for different states of love instead of different kinds of love. But I think it can be argued that the different words for snow are for different kinds of snow, too.

It’s a good point, though. Thanks for bringing it up.

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]]> By: Duncan http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26221 Duncan Tue, 26 Feb 2008 03:14:50 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26221 You guys are just a bunch of petophiles. Seriously, was Atwood wanting names built around the objects of love (of which we already have plenty, as far as I can tell), or was she talking about shades and tones of feeling? That, I think, would be a lot more valuable. I love my niece, I love chocolate, I love bulgogi, I love I love cats, I love men, I love my mother, I love my father, I love my friends -- but each one in different ways. We need to recognize that when a horny teenage boy says "I love you" to a girl he wants, what he thinks he means, what he really means, and what she hears are different things. When a 2-year-old says "Mommy, I love you," it means something different than Mommy's love for her. And so on, and on, and on. This is the area where we need more vocabulary, to my mind. Supposedly the Greeks had four different words for love (agape/eros/philia/I forget the fourth), but this turns out to be not quite helpful either. Eros had meant sexual love, but by the New Testament period it had taken on negative connotations, so agape took on some of eros' older sense, including a spouse's love for his or her spouse. Has anyone else heard of "limerence", for that good old-fashioned love that makes you lose sleep and appetite over someone? You guys are just a bunch of petophiles.

Seriously, was Atwood wanting names built around the objects of love (of which we already have plenty, as far as I can tell), or was she talking about shades and tones of feeling? That, I think, would be a lot more valuable. I love my niece, I love chocolate, I love bulgogi, I love I love cats, I love men, I love my mother, I love my father, I love my friends — but each one in different ways.

We need to recognize that when a horny teenage boy says “I love you” to a girl he wants, what he thinks he means, what he really means, and what she hears are different things. When a 2-year-old says “Mommy, I love you,” it means something different than Mommy’s love for her. And so on, and on, and on. This is the area where we need more vocabulary, to my mind.

Supposedly the Greeks had four different words for love (agape/eros/philia/I forget the fourth), but this turns out to be not quite helpful either. Eros had meant sexual love, but by the New Testament period it had taken on negative connotations, so agape took on some of eros’ older sense, including a spouse’s love for his or her spouse. Has anyone else heard of “limerence”, for that good old-fashioned love that makes you lose sleep and appetite over someone?

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]]> By: Reb http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26202 Reb Mon, 25 Feb 2008 21:36:55 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-26202 Great thread, this! Friendshop: Being close to someone you meet regularly at the mall. Great thread, this!

Friendshop:
Being close to someone you meet regularly at the mall.

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]]> By: Jenyfer Matthews http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25986 Jenyfer Matthews Sun, 24 Feb 2008 05:03:30 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25986 I got nothing. But that smile on Milton's face just made my day! I got nothing. But that smile on Milton’s face just made my day!

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]]> By: Micki http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25960 Micki Sun, 24 Feb 2008 00:53:58 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25960 (-: Some very good ones here. I don't think mine are very original, but it's a windy, sleety, snowy day, and they make me feel warm and loved. That cocoalicious feeling when you curl up with your comfort-book and loveknit afghan, and listen to your sweet-lovey-li'l-ones play Barbies in front of you. Ahhhh. (-: Some very good ones here. I don’t think mine are very original, but it’s a windy, sleety, snowy day, and they make me feel warm and loved.

That cocoalicious feeling when you curl up with your comfort-book and loveknit afghan, and listen to your sweet-lovey-li’l-ones play Barbies in front of you. Ahhhh.

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]]> By: LtL http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25930 LtL Sat, 23 Feb 2008 19:48:48 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25930 Ficturbanalgia--Longing to return to River Bend. Ficturbanalgia–Longing to return to River Bend.

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]]> By: GatorPerson http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25917 GatorPerson Sat, 23 Feb 2008 13:18:23 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25917 Not quite on topic: Cinderellaitis, aka briditis. Getting entirely too caught up in wedding planning. Definitely off topic: rainbrella. Not quite on topic: Cinderellaitis, aka briditis. Getting entirely too caught up in wedding planning.

Definitely off topic: rainbrella.

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]]> By: Karen Templeton http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25900 Karen Templeton Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:25:05 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25900 LOL, Jenifer...that's what I get for not reading through the posts first. :) But it was worth a replay, anyway. LOL, Jenifer…that’s what I get for not reading through the posts first. :)

But it was worth a replay, anyway.

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]]> By: ubergeekmom http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25894 ubergeekmom Sat, 23 Feb 2008 00:36:09 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25894 erartica - the passionate love of artists and their gorgeous, fascinating output. phyllios - love of spanakopita, baclava and anything else made of phyllo dough. and my personal favorite: sistheragape - the warm, fuzzy feeling you get after spending the afternoon with your best friends exploring life's vagaries erartica – the passionate love of artists and their gorgeous, fascinating output.

phyllios – love of spanakopita, baclava and anything else made of phyllo dough.

and my personal favorite:

sistheragape – the warm, fuzzy feeling you get after spending the afternoon with your best friends exploring life’s vagaries

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]]> By: RfP http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25882 RfP Fri, 22 Feb 2008 22:02:28 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25882 <i>Miltorable</i> (Milton tore open the garbage but looked too cute to punish) Miltorable (Milton tore open the garbage but looked too cute to punish)

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]]> By: me http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25881 me Fri, 22 Feb 2008 22:00:02 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25881 Amorable: it's just so darn adorable, you've got no other choice but to love it. Like Milt. Amorable: it’s just so darn adorable, you’ve got no other choice but to love it. Like Milt.

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]]> By: Susanna Hugo http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25877 Susanna Hugo Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:23:27 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25877 felinophilia (love of my cats) feline-fishophilia (my cats love of their food) maternalmania (the overwhelming feeling of love I get when I hear my one-year old's belly laugh) exasperfection (the feeling of being simultaneously exasperated by and endeared to your spouse by one of his many, many bad habits) felinophilia (love of my cats)

feline-fishophilia (my cats love of their food)

maternalmania (the overwhelming feeling of love I get when I hear my one-year old’s belly laugh)

exasperfection (the feeling of being simultaneously exasperated by and endeared to your spouse by one of his many, many bad habits)

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]]> By: RfP http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25873 RfP Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:01:14 +0000 http://www.arghink.com/2008/02/20/nine-new-names-for-love/#comment-25873 <i>Shelflove</i> (what may happen when you're in the library's back stacks, browsing the erotica collection) <i>Parshill</i> (partial to <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=f01GhSh2myM" rel="nofollow">infomercials</a>) <i>Cakche</i> (the ache for cake) Shelflove (what may happen when you’re in the library’s back stacks, browsing the erotica collection)

Parshill (partial to infomercials)

Cakche (the ache for cake)

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