I was writing a screenplay and had trouble coming up with a plausible way to start someone’s life over. The book suggested to go to a cemetery and look for a grave of any young baby that would have been the appropriate age by now (like say mid twenty’s if he/she lived). Then go to the Courthouse and ask for a birth certificate going with a story that your parents lost it. IF you act friendly, like you have nothing to hide, they do look it up and give you a copy – tried it. After that, forging of other documents can proceed.

So the book isn’t all together a loss. Come on, it deserves at least one cherry?

Huh. That’s it. Well.
Anyway, the best bit is it only weighs 4 pounds or so and you wouldn’t BELIEVE how handy most of that is! I usually have a kerchief, too, but it’s currently holding my hair out of my face.

I suddenly have a renewed urge to write a book about a heroine who crochets . . . oh, wait, I’m doing that now.

Will think about Emmeline chain-stitching her way out of trouble on the road today.

For those airline smugglers out there who just want to get from point A to point B with all your regular stuff, those pockets in the wonderbras are good places to stash gels of various sorts.

My action heroine advice? No one will laugh if you run away. A smart heroine knows when she can’t win. Bravado can only get you so far, but sensible sneakers will do the rest.

Not a cute choice, but I would hope the Action Heroine would have Mace/pepper spray in her giant purse. A roll of quarters is a useful punch-enhancer for those whose key ring doesn’t sport enough keys. My self-defense instructor noted that guys block groin shots, so he advised going for the eyes (throw stuff, to make ‘em blink), the throat, the shins with a connected stomp onto the arch of the foot. Or a punch upwards into the solar plexus (right between the ribs, aim for where they meet in the front and come up at an angle at the top of the stomach).

My aunt reminds me that a high heel or stacked wooden shoe can be a very effective weapon in the case of a carjacking. Remove shoe and clobber/threaten to clobber driver with it up side of head. Pointy end is very menacing. Just remember to remove other shoe as well so that if they pull over to the side of the road you can run really fast.

I always thought knitting needles would be a great weapon. You can block with them, and they would stab pretty well (I have actually stabbed myself once).

I also always thought hair chopsticks with pointy ends would be a great idea, although I’ve since seen that done.

Myself:
Know if you stab somebody hard enough in the neck, you sever their spinal cord.
Groins are a good place to aim for, but real killers/action heroes will be prepared and be able to block. Either the attack or the pain.
If you have 12 condoms, try to seduce the attacker. It’s probably easier than blowing them up… you have to have a lot of breath.

Agreed, if you’re an action heroine, know how to run in high heels. Bustiers won’t get in your way unless you’re wearing a corset. Deal with it. You’re a woman, you’re used to more pain. If you can’t run in high heels, wear sensible shoes.

I agree, we should write an Argh Ink Action Heroine’s book. Jenny’s review was great!

I never have anything useful in my bag except, sometimes, food (and a handkerchief). I always take all the other stuff out, because it gets messy in there (the receipts accumulate anyway, because I have to be next to a recycling bin to get rid of them).

And the food is rarely of the sort that would quiet a restless child – I like things that are strongly-flavored and, often, unusual. So it’s probably good that I never get any action.

I have to credit this one to my dh but I’ll add it here – the neck of a plastic bottle [water bottle or soda] makes a great splint for fingers, especially if there is an open wound. tape on with masking tape or duct tape until you can get medical attention.

Personally, I like to give traditional wedding gifts that can double as weapons – brass candlesticks, silver platters, etc. You never know when you’ll save a life:)

The crochet hook is much handier than a knitting needle because, hey, it’s got a hook on the end. Perfect for lifting the keyright off the nail that is just that much too far away. Plus you can use it and the cotton yarn to make a chain for lowering yourself out of the window. If I were you, I’d do a row of single crochets for more strength. And, presto, when you get to the bottom you just pull on the loose end and the whole thing unravels so you can take it with you. Keep it and the crochet hook handy while tromping through the jungle. You can make a snare to catch game, use it as a trip wire to foil the bad guys (the variegated variety would do nicely for camoflauge) after which you wack them on the head with the hardback book. Then use the yarn and hook to crochet yourself a nice hammock to keep off of the ground (do you really want to sleep on the same level as the creepy crawlies?) and read your book while you wait for the hero to finally show up.

Tampons and pads can be used for wound first aid.
Pine tree sap makes a good temporary glue
000 steel wool is a good fire starter. After touching it with a match it won’t look like its lit, but if you blow on it you can see the glow and its incredibly hot.
Keep you car doors locked and don’t stop to help anyone on the road. You have a cellphone: use it!
The leaves and flowers of the common blue violet are edible and rich in Vitamin A and C. Half a cup gets you the USRDA dietary requirement.
Kitty litter is good for creating traction to get out of snowdrifts.
There are lots of “open source” and “free” computer software programs that work as well (or better) than commercial programs. Why pay Bill Gates?!
Rolled-up newspaper and pantyhose can be used to make a temporary splint
The Swiss Army knife is a girls best friend!

Later, our parents moved us all to a more respectable neighborhood where explosives were frowned upon and so there went our homemade fun.