Things I Learned On The Road
Sep292007
I have one more road trip at the end of October and then my schedule is completely clear. And that one really is a road trip, so no more airports. I’m not anti-airport but . . . actually, I’m anti-airport. There was a time when I was truly afraid to fly; frequency pretty much knocks that out of you but the airport remains a stressful place except for Columbia, SC, where they have white rocking chairs and Krispy Kremes. So I made a running list of thing I learned on the road this time, and there weren’t that many. Must be getting the hang of it:
Tipping is more stressful than I realized. I don’t mind tipping from the cost point of view, but trying to figure out who gets tipped when and how much is just one more damn thing I don’t need to deal with. I didn’t figure this out until I got to Australia where there is no tipping at all. Suddenly, life was so easy.
There are a hell of a lot of books in the world. Bob and I would go into a bookstore, look at the “New Fiction” at the front of the store, and then look at each other and think, “We’re doomed.” I don’t know how anybody manages to claw out of the pack and get reader attention, there are that many titles out there. If the cover doesn’t do it, anybody without a major name is screwed.
From now on, I’m telling the hotel switchboard to hold all my calls overnight. Anybody who needs me for an emergency can call my cell, and that way I won’t get the obscene wrong number at 5:30.
Krispy Kremes are everywhere. There’s something really cruel about putting KK stands in airports. They’ve got them in the airports in Australia even. You’re trapped there, you’re hungry, you want comfort . . . I didn’t buy one, but it was weeks ago and I’m still thinking about it..
The O’Hare Hilton is the best place to stay if you have to go all over Chicago because the beds are great and you can walk to the airport. And there are Krispy Kremes in the lobby. Not that I had one. (I shoulda had one.)
There are a lot of fake flamingos in the world.
Bob is a little kid at heart: When we went to Coldstone Creamery in Chicago for ice cream and they asked what he wanted mixed into his vanilla, he said, “Sprinkles.” Bill the escort and I both said, “Awww,” but he stood firm and got his sprinkles.
I’m always amazed when people give me things at booksignings. I mean, my God, they bought the book, that’s more than enough, but then we get stuffed flamingos and great chocolate and home grown tomatoes and Agnes hats and t-shirts . . . I loved all of it, and thank you to everybody who gave us things, but really, if you bought the book, you gave at the office.
Traveling with somebody is infinitely preferable to traveling alone. Krissie made the long trip down under coherent and fun and was constantly supportive, and I have no plans to ever do another book tour without Bob. The tours are so hard, but partners make them easier.
Bob was in Amarillo two nights ago, Flagstaff last night, today was the Grand Canyon. Haven’t heard from him today, but I’m not worried. I’m a little worried about the Donner Pass which was on the route he was taking but he maybe he changed that. Still, that’s the way to see the country: on the road for real.
I have to build in more time to see things. I had the best time in Little Tokyo with Krissie, Inkgrrl, and her Prince of a Guy, who waited patiently, held stuff for us,and told Ink to buy the great jacket she found because she looked beautiful in it. She did, too, but he really is a Prince. I bought a striped bag with a skull with a bow on it. Because Krissie had Hello Kitty-ed me out.
There’s a lot of Hello Kitty stuff in the world.
Four wheels on your luggage is the only way to go.
Australia and New Zealand are amazing. Familiar but not, exciting but friendly, just wonderful places with wonderful people.
Traveling broadens you: I came back almost ten pounds heavier. SO worth it. But I’m so glad to be home. And I don’t have to go anywhere until . . . oh. Tuesday. Business trip. Airport.
This time, I’m gonna buy the Krispy Kreme.
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39 Comments to 'Things I Learned On The Road'
On September 29, 2007 at 6:57 pm Lori J. said...
You sound happy.
On September 29, 2007 at 8:21 pm Kyrathered said...
Glad you’ll be able to stay home and write … I’m always looking for more Crusie books! Have a Krispy Kreme for me. I’m nursing a baby so have two.
On September 29, 2007 at 9:19 pm Jan D said...
Since you hadn’t mentioned it, I reckoned Australia and New Zealand had disappeared in a fog of camphor and sneezes. You certainly were a poorly, wee visitor. But what a trouper. You didn’t miss a sneezy beat. And Krissy did tell us anything and was hysterical. The stuff you learn at conferences!
While you do deserve a good long rest at home, I hope you can come back our way again some time. And spend it enjoying yourself. No work. Just for good times ahead.
On September 29, 2007 at 9:26 pm inkgrrl said...
Do it – buy the Krispy Kreme! I’m pretty sure that’s how I lucked out and snagged TPoaG – there were definitely Krispy Kremes in the immediate vicinity. (Mebbe I should refer to him as PoG for short.)
On September 29, 2007 at 10:19 pm Jenny said...
I’ll never forget Australia and NZ. And I’m definitely coming back if I can. I had such a wonderful time.
And now I want to SEE things.
On September 29, 2007 at 10:34 pm Louisa said...
Today was quite an intensive learning curve. Thanks, Jenny.
On September 29, 2007 at 11:59 pm Jenny said...
Hi, Louisa.
Writers are intense people. So are a lot of readers. I think it’s because we live in our minds so much, because we can all make that leap that turns story, reading it or writing it, into our own kind of reality. It’s the blessing and curse of vivid imaginations.
I’ll take the curse with the blessing. It’s worth it.
On September 30, 2007 at 1:10 am Jenyfer Matthews said...
Life is short – next time get the donut(s)!
On September 30, 2007 at 1:31 am DownUnderGal said...
Aww, shucks. What lovely things you had to say about us.
One of my best memories was the look on Krissie’s face when I told her at the airport we dont tip. She was so worried you guys didn’t have any Aussie dollars yet for tipping.
“It’s okay, we dont tip.”
“You dont tip?”
“Nope”
“What do you mean you dont tip?” – (can’t work how how to ittalicise that bit)
“We dont tip.”
“What never?”
“Nope.”
And how that guy at the bar where we had lunch at Darling harbour was so chuffed when Jenny tipped him. “He was so excited.” “Yes, well its probably the only tip he got all week.”
Our Hotel/tourist industry love Americans
God bless Krispy Kremes.
And a big awww to Bob from me. The big Green Beret likes sprinkles on his ice-cream. That is so heroic. How cute.
On September 30, 2007 at 1:49 am CC said...
Was in Denver tonight watching the Rockies (Tulowitzki hit his first major league grand slam) and I wanted KK after- drove 10 miles out of my way to go to the KK on that side of town- and got there 15 minutes too late- learn from my mishap Grasshopper- eat the KK when it is available, because the next time you want the KK bad enough to drive 10 miles out of your way it WON’T BE AVAILABLE!!!
On September 30, 2007 at 2:04 am Jenny said...
CC, I’m SO sorry.
DUG, please clarify: the guy I tipped at the bar was the bartender, not just some guy at the bar.
This is how reputations get ruined.
I was thinking tonight how next time I want to drive through Australia and NZ,and then I remembered how freaked I kept getting driving with Glen because he was on the WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD. I’d last ten minutes driving Down Under.
Absolutely, spread the word about Bob and sprinkles. He’s so cute when he says it, too: Old Stoneface intoning, “Sprinkles.” There is no way to make “sprinkles” sound dangerous and manly.
On September 30, 2007 at 2:20 am Jan D said...
Drat, I spelled Krissie’s name wrong. Duh. Can’t take me anywhere.
The tipping issue drives me insane, not because I don’t… when in Rome and all that. It’s just that it really is foreign to me and I take a while to do the sums in my head. And in foreign currency it’s even worse. I think if anything I leave too much. And my US friends look at me in amazement when I tell them if I tipped my hairdresser she’d be shocked…in a bad way. Almost offended. A Christmas present, well that’s another matter. And fine dining… well, that is a bit different here. You do. Not that I do the fine dining thing often. I heave a sigh of relief when I get on the plane to come home on account of no more tipping faux pas till I go to the States again.
On September 30, 2007 at 2:22 am Jan D said...
Sprinkles, huh? Are you sure they’re not some very special, special forces code for …don’t shoot me, I’m on your side. Really….
On September 30, 2007 at 2:23 am DownUnderGal said...
LOL Jenny – yes bartender. He was the bartender. And a very cute one as well if I recall.
I think next time I write a he-man hero I’m going to make sprinkles on his ice cream his one big weakness. How can a woman resist that?
On September 30, 2007 at 2:24 am Trish Morey said...
Made the most remarkable discovery at Sydney Airport after the Downunder conference – and it wasn’t Krispy Kremes! Jenny, you probably won’t remember me admiring your gold swirly bracelet when you told me it was from the Metropolitan Museum of Art and they sell online. Music to my ears. I *love* buying stuff online. And then I was on my way home and I saw it – a new MMA shop at the airport – and if anything beats online, it’s being stuck in an airport awaiting a flight with a shop that calls to you like a siren – and they had the exact gorgeous bracelet!
I slipped it on. I felt the power. I felt the rush. And then I came to my senses and realised that gorgeous bracelet looked better one hell of a lot better on you than on me and I took myself off to lust after all their other gorgeous stuff. And it is. Calorie free and pretty to boot. I thank you for the referral. My hubby doesn’t:-))
On September 30, 2007 at 2:39 am Jenny said...
Trish, that bracelet would have looked great on you.
And they have earrings that match. And a ring, but let’s not lose our heads.
Yes, the bartender was cute. But he was an infant. And I was saving myself for Australia RW.
Sprinkles are sprinkles. He’s a wuss.
On September 30, 2007 at 2:51 am Ray-Anne said...
Do you have a particular FAVOURITE Krispy Kreme? Sugar? Icing? Bits?
Here in our small town in England the local supermarket has introduced a Krispy Kreme unit- but 6 different types.
Of course the first thing I said when I saw it was -
I don’t believe it. ‘Bet Me’ has come to my town.
This is the power of the Jenny Crusie fiction.
And no, I didn’t have one. Wheat is not my friend.
But I oggled. I am allowed to oggle.
LOL Ray-Anne
On September 30, 2007 at 3:31 am micki said...
All we got is Mr. Donuts.
But, the longer I think about it, what a hero Mr. Donuts could be . . . not like the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man, but maybe something like that. Strong as donut-shop coffee. Sweet as butter crunch sprinkles. Soft-hearted as a creme-filled French crueller.
Or Mr. Naan — the white bread hero who loves spicy women. (-: Oh boy, I’m getting totally off-track and ridiculous now. I gotta stop free-associating on other peoples’ blogs. Anpanman’s going to be next . . . .
On September 30, 2007 at 7:45 am Chelle said...
LOL, the KK issues always cracks me up. I’ve had KK’s all my life and they weren’t considered the gourmet of anything, much less donuts. When I was growing up they were always pretty much considered redneck food. Right up there with pork rinds, Big Red and Slim Jims.
You went to KK to sober up and get some sugar before you had to go home for the night.
At least, that’s what I heard. Not that *I* ever had to sober up before going home.
And then they got COOL. When I lived by San Francisco, they put the first KK in the area in a city in the East Bay. I knew people who would drive an hour out of their way to sit in the drive through for another hour so they could get one dozen KK. Then, because that’s all the KK would sell at a time, they’d drive around the building and get right back in line. All I could do was shake my head and say, “but they’re *Krispy Kreme’s* people!”
Maybe it’s because I grew up with them?
Oh, and tell Bob he can have his KK’s with sprinkles too!
On September 30, 2007 at 8:02 am Chelle said...
Oh Jenny, Donner Pass. It’s a gorgeous piece of landscape, but I’m pretty sure it’s too early for snow, so no worries!
On September 30, 2007 at 9:08 am Mary the CB said...
Last year I went over Donner Pass mid-September.
It was snowing at the time.
Of course, two days later it was 80 degrees
On September 30, 2007 at 9:16 am Chelle said...
Hey, I could totally be wrong. But, IIRC, *usually* it’s not bad this early, even if it is cold. But, as you said, the wind shifts and you’ve got snow, or not!
On September 30, 2007 at 9:34 am robena grant said...
Sprinkles. See Bob would fit in perfectly in Aussie land. When I was a kid in the land downunder we had these colorful sugary things called hundreds and thousands, we’d go into the little store and ask the owner for threepence worth but with no white ones. Because we thought we were very funny and he didn’t speak much English. He was smart enough to chase us away and ban us from his store. But we used to sprinkle the things on white bread and butter and make little party sandwiches. Yum!
And yeah, Jenny, go SEE things. Have fun. Tip men in bars, heck you never know where that will lead. I tip them for just sitting next to me, but then I’m old. Heh. I’m thinking of doing an “explore” of Ireland late Spring. Getting a car and just getting lost, it’s the best and most exciting way to travel. I’m envying Bob on his rediscover America tour.
Krispey Kremes, can’t do them, intense indigestion, them and all donuts. Ouch! just thinking about them.
On September 30, 2007 at 11:52 am Jenny said...
Bob likes the filled ones, especially the raspberry. Which I find disgusting, so he’s safe from me snarfing his. I like plain glazed and the ones with the chocolate icing. I’m a classic doughnut girl.
Good to know you spent a drunken youth, Chelle. Just makes me love you more.
On September 30, 2007 at 11:57 am Mary the CB said...
Chelle, I figured it was snowing because I was planning to hold a family reunion outdoors the next day. Once I moved the party indoors, the weather warmed up. I’m not paranoid, but sometimes it does feel like Mother Nature does these things on purpose. However, a native of Tahoe said that they have gotten snow there every month of the year, so perhaps it’s not that surprising.
I just ran across this blog post on Interesting Airports. Myself, I would have titled it Incredibly Scary Airports. I’m never going to fly out of Courcheval, France, that’s for damn sure.
10 most interesting airports
On September 30, 2007 at 12:09 pm Chelle said...
Mary: Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re *not* out to get you! Tee-hee.
Jenny: just don’t tell Mom.
On September 30, 2007 at 12:55 pm jessie said...
Donner Pass huh? Well, I am pretty sure there are no cannibals left and Bob should be able to take care of himself (Doesn’t he know a bunch of ways to kill people with his little finger)?
On September 30, 2007 at 1:06 pm RfP said...
It’s not that there were native cannibals in Donner Pass. It was the travelers stuck in the pass who turned cannibal. That’s the problem. If Bob gets a taste for human flesh, the world will learn exactly what he can do with his little finger.
Er…
I’ll leave it at that.
On September 30, 2007 at 1:10 pm Diane (TT) said...
Mountains: you never know. Hot, snowy, whatever – be prepared. Snow on Memorial Day. Snow on the 4th of July. But they almost never leave people stranded at Donner Pass for the whole winter anymore, so I’m sure he’s fine.
Doughnuts: I like sour cream doughnuts, the ones we called old fashioned, glazed. Because there’s not enough fat and sugar in a regular doughnut for me. Filled doughnuts are frequently nasty. By the way, Blogger disapproves of doughnut, and would obviously prefer for me to say “donut”, but I’m not going to.
The problem with a fresh, hot KK doughnut (the classic)is that it is awfully hard to stop eating them…
I have trouble with tipping. I would be offended if anyone tipped me, and when I was getting my hair cut at the home of the proprietor, my understanding was that it was improper to tip her, but I know some of her customers did, so bleah. And I never have the right money. I know to do cabs and restaurants, and I never let anyone carry my bags, so that’s not a problem, and I finally remembered to leave $ for the cleaning lady at the last hotel, but geez.
And I tipped my movers, but they didn’t seem to think that $60 and a couple of Subway sandwiches was enough (there were two of them). Sorry, it was all the cash I had, due to scary moving events.
On September 30, 2007 at 2:06 pm Kenzie said...
In case you ever find yourself in this situation, it is always polite to tip their tattoo artist. At least in Montreal.
Over here most of the grocery stores no longer have bag boys. Pardon me, they no longer employ packaging technicians of indiscriminate age.
The last time I was in New York I went to tip mine and he jumped back as if I’d been handing him a rattlesnake. He then announced in his loud cracked squeak, “Ma’am we’re not allowed to accept bribes!”
Naturally people looked, the cashier hissed at him, “Tips, Jason, they’re called tips, not bribes!” Another cashier came over, “Thank you Miss but we’re not allowed to accept tips here anymore.”
Just before I was out of earshot I heard her tell him, “And another thing, don’t call girls her age Ma’am either.” I should have given that woman a medal.
On September 30, 2007 at 4:31 pm Mary Stella said...
Krispy Kremes don’t tempt me. No, I’m not a virtuous, dieter, able to hold firm against a doughnut addiction. Far from it. I just think KKs are all disgustingly sweet Get me within aroma range of a Dunkin Donuts and I’m all over it like drool on a chew toy. Thank God the closest DDs are an hour away in either direction. I can only feed the doughnut beast within when I leave the Keys to go onto the mainland, or if I drive to Key West.
On September 30, 2007 at 4:39 pm Lori J. said...
Barvarian Creme. That’s all I’m saying.
Oh, did anyone watch ‘Chuck’ last night? Mmm, Adam Baldwin. He’s go good at being a bad guy. He’s definitely a placeholder kind of guy.
On September 30, 2007 at 4:40 pm Lori J. said...
Wow, I even proof read that and still got it wrong.
Ahem…He’s so good at being a bad guy. But then ya’ll knew that already.
On September 30, 2007 at 5:37 pm DownUnderGal said...
Fairy Bread, Robin. White bread with hundreds and thousands on it.
Goes down a treat at kids parties.
But let me tell you, as an adult – Blech. Crunchy and well….blech.
I should quantify my “no tipping” statement. I have been known to occasionally tip, if the service is really, really good in a restaurant etc but as a general rule we dont do it. And we certainly dont sweat a percentage – normally we’d just round up the bill and the excess is the tip. Or place some loose change in the tip jar at the cash register.
I’m going to be totally bamboozled in SF next year, I can just tell.
On October 1, 2007 at 2:24 am Desperate Writer said...
Hey. I’m in Amarillo. I wish I’d known he was here…signing?
On October 1, 2007 at 3:20 pm Phyllis said...
We went to Donner Pass on vacation this summer in early August. My 5 yo was getting really nervous watching the movie at the park welcome center, because he thought we might get snowed in. Poor little guy.
But they have canned goods and stores there now. And hotels with hot tubs.
On October 2, 2007 at 4:53 pm Catherine said...
The fatal allure of the Krispy Kreme.
Even if there are KK’s in Australia, they’re not in all of Australia. Nearest store to Brisbane is 621 km away in Sydney. So an interstate trip provides opportunity for strategic foraging …which is what my Brisbane based daughter did when visiting Melbourne for a few days. Half of the office (mostly management)begged her to bring back some Krispy Kremes when she returned… instead she sent pics back over a couple of days of her eating a Krispy Kreme in various locations around the city.Said all she could offer them was a vicarious thrill as she had too many things to juggle on the plane as it was.
Thank goodness non-provision of Krispy Kremes is not a sackable offense.
On October 4, 2007 at 4:18 am ZaZa said...
I’m with whoever said they grew up with KKs. Well, reverse. I never tasted one until that first KK went in in the South Bay. And yuck. Grease and sugar, lots of both, and an overwhelming amount of nutmeg. And all those people sitting in line??? They were people who’d move to CA from places that had KKs. The donuts got panned unmercifully in the papers, because of the nutmeg, their oversweetness and greasiness, and their small size. What is that all about? Those of us who grew up here like ‘em big and fluffy. /;+)))
When my ex-roomie would come home drunk, he’d bring me two dozen KKs. He was from the East Coast, and he could never remember that it was his mother who’d forgive anything for a box of KKs, not me. Urgh. And he didn’t eat donuts. I scooped whoever came up with the “bread pudding” using KKs because it was the only way to use them up. Only mine was half donuts and half bread to cut down on the sugar bullet.
Now the Metropolitan shop in the airport, that would definitely draw me in and wring out my credit card. ;+)
On November 2, 2007 at 1:22 pm Pretending to be secure in his masculinity said...
“Homegrown tomatoes, homegrown tomatoes, What’d life be without homegrown tomatoes? Only two things that money can’t buy, and thats true love and homegrown tomatoes…”
Homegrown Tomatoes by Guy Clark
A very funny song, and this excerpt seems to fit the Amazing Miss J