Out of everything, this is what I want to applaud you on, X. I am an author who does NOT participate on line. I am no one’s punching bag. I’m extremely easy going, like to clown around, consider myself a pretty cool person, etc…but I’ve got one helluva temper when seriously riled. I don’t engage the crazy ( I LOVED that line!) because to do so, I get down on their level, and that is something I promised myself I would never do. Love my stuff, hate my stuff, call me whatever you want, speculate on my career…whatevah. I don’t really care. Just don’t expect me to engage your crazy behind. That will NEVER EVER happen.

Kudos to you ladies for not being anyone’s punching bag. And I think the way you handled it, not saying names, etc, just posting the note was just right.

Then, she insulted X and the entire state of NY, while placing herself on a moral highground because of where she lives. She all but invited the chortling for making such a stupid blanket statement.

X responded very nicely. No cussing, no “rude New Yorker” language, and no insults. Just a short, sweet comment so Y knew she’d received her e-mail. X is a class act. So are her books. The book in question is on the top of my TBR stack. I look forward to reading it.

If you operate anywhere within the vicinity of any writer, you should not expect privacy. I write and everything that happens in my life eventually becomes fodder for the mill.

If you want privacy, do not befriend and/or fall in love with a writer, or heaven forbid have the bad fortune of being the child of a writer. For confirmation, you can ask my husband, children, the lady at the bank who was rude…. the list grows daily.

I loved FQuilt, and yes, I found out about Author X through this blog. So, just to make it clear, not all quilters are like Reader Y here. X, you are right, she did get off light. She thinks she got a form letter, not an irony in a velvet glove. But, if you’re going to write a book, you accept the unexpected consequences. And if you are going to write a crazy letter, you have to accept the unexpected consequences from that, too.

I’m not sure if I believe in Fate, but if there is such a thing, maybe it’s just her Karma that her letter struck you so strongly, and that it gets published on the web. I’m sure glad I got the chance to read the discussion that came from it.

Also, thanks, Robin, for King’s letter from Birmingham Jail. King had a wonderful way of thinking, and really knew how to express it in a dignified manner.

Now I’m off to read a vampire story that already promises to be less fulfilling that I want it to be, but that I’m totally addicted to.

But, as someone, many, have said, she’ll probably never see this post, so she has no way to defend, or even clarify, her position. Y has her defenders here, or those who defend her right to her screed, but she doesn’t have the ability to respond on her own behalf.

the best way to deal with bullies is to show them for what they are. Expose them to the light of day and you take away a little of their power.

But is Y a bully, or is she someone who has no power of her own, and this email of hers was a weak attempt to try and regulate SOMETHING, please God??? I don’t see Y as a an attacker. I think she was flailing out in defense of what she saw as an attack on her world, and a world which is probably on very shaky ground to elicit such a strong defense.

Do I think she had the right to forbid this author to write what she wants? Well, heh, yeah because that’s the way Y deals with perceivede attacks. And go her! Does she have any right to expect her wishes to be granted. No. But this seems like overkill to me.

I get where you’re coming from, Robin. And, I will admit, I have felt slight niggles of guilt over that point. It was a personal e-mail, not a public blog attack. Ironically, if it had been a public blog attack, I wouldn’t have said anything. Those blogs speak for themselves. This, honestly, was just good fun, and a way of showing authors that you can fire back without stooping. I was much nicer to Y than she was to me, and, perverse as it is, I actually enjoyed the letter very much. We’re in mountain/molehill territory right now, but that’s okay, because I get educated whenever I participate in discussion. And for those of you who think I’m a big asshat, you’re welcome to that opinion, and I won’t argue with you. Sometimes, I really am.

So… I stand by it, up to and including this public discussion. You fire the first shot, you get what you get. You can’t expect to have carte blanche to talk to anyone any way you want to without cosequences just because you’re the reader, although I know of a few who have just that expectation. What’s life without dissent?

(And when I say you, I mean the generic you, not you you, Robin. Wow, what a sentence, huh? Talk about noodle boggling!)

Personally, I thought X took the high road with her answer – she could have been nasty back, but of course, for what purpose? Or she could have ignored the message, but it was probably “the straw that broke the camel’s back” after possibly receiving other negative messages over the years. Not everything slides off one’s back. Some things have burrs that cling.

Living in California, we get the same kind of comments about our state that Y made about New York (land of the fruits and nuts). In fact, when I called Social Security to let them know my Mom had passed on, I got a snarky comment about Arnold being our governor (which I ignored). Since the right and left coasts take a lot of heat for being different, I could say that the lack of fresh salt air in the middle of the country kills brain cells… but I won’t…

I don’t think I’ve ever not read a book because of the language, and, if the language had offended me to that extent, I would have STOPPED reading it. There’s something inherently suspect in a person who reads on when they are purportedly offended by language or content. Makes me think of, what was it, Susannah and the Elders??? Or maybe not. Y seems to have kept reading to feed her anger, not because she was titillated by the feelthy language.

Anyway, X making her response sound like a “form letter” was great. For all Y knows, it’s an automated response to every reader letter. But still, that is poking the Crazy, if she’s one of those people who earnestly feels she needs to correct your erroneous impression of her intent. Maybe in person. Maybe I’m just paranoid. Lock your doors. /;+)

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/nova-scotia/story/2007/09/18/pink-tshirts-students.html

Thanks for making this distinction, because it crystallizes why this whole thing bothers me. It reminds me a little of the fun Katie MacAlister had mocking reader letters on Romancing the Blog a couple of years ago. Oy, that was quite a post. Had she been mocking public statements made by readers, I may not have liked it, but I think there’s a much stronger case for ‘the reader asked for it’ defense. It may just boil down to the email/private letter aspect of the situation that bugs me. As I said, it’s not enough for me to stop reading either your work or Crusie’s, although I’ve yet to pick up a MacAlister book. But even that has more to do with the whole ‘historical authenticity’ thing.

And just to be clear, I have no issue with Y disliking X’s book, or with her willingness to say so. I might disagree with her righteous stance, but she has a right to her opinion. She does not, however, have a right to attack X and an attack is what it was. That “people like you” comment was nasty and unprovoked.

And finally, there is a point, I think, to sharing the exchange with the wide world. Y’s attack was a form of bullying, and the best way to deal with bullies is to show them for what they are. Expose them to the light of day and you take away a little of their power.

And, just for the record, I’m only talking about nasty personal attacks and mean-spirited blog snark, most of which I think authors should ignore anyway. Unless you get a Y and you just can’t help yourself. But reviews are off limits. Authors, please, never argue with a review (unless it’s factually incorrect or spoilery, in which case, don’t argue, respectfully correct and walk away) because opinions CAN’T BE WRONG and it drives me CRAZY when authors argue with reviews. This is different.

And Jane, if you send me an e-mail, I pinky swear I’ll keep it private. But just remember, due to the amount of fan mail I get, I can’t answer everything personally…

All in good fun, people. All in good fun.

Which is what boggles my noodle.