On the Road: Beverly Hills
You know, I want to like LA. It’s warm, and I love the houses—the bungalows and adobes and cottages—and the foliage and the diversity. But I always end up feeling like an extra in The Player—too fat, too old, and too Ohioan to do anything but cross the street in the background while the leads in whatever story is happening do the interesting stuff. It’s not that the people aren’t lovely, everybody I met with today was wonderful, it’s just that we don’t seem to be on the same planet. I’m a novelist, and they’re in the business of making movies, which is how I said “theme park” and the guy I was talking to ended up on a golf course with a divorced couple staring down a hole at another world. So I said, “Great idea” without adding “but not for me.” Other news: ghosts are good and dogs are out (Lassie, go home). Then I went to lunch at the hotel and watched a woman in a bikini filled with fake breasts stretch out to get skin cancer. So I ordered fettucini Alfredo, finished off the bread basket, and then went for the chocolate cake and ice cream. Because I will never fit into LA, even if I lost a hundred pounds. You can take the romance writer out of Ohio, but she’ll still look like the farm girl she is.
And anyway, I like dogs.
Dogs are out? I can see that LA and I will never be friends.
Good to see that fettucini Alfredo, chocolate cake, and ice cream still exists there, at least. And bread, for that matter.
No shame in being a small town person either. Not that I’m biased or anything. We will have our time in the sun! And, of course, every dog will have her/his day.
Jenny you can park your farm girl arse in a deck chair next to me any day. I will put up the umbrella and supply SPF 30. You bring the bread basket with you.
I think the whole “not fitting in in LA” thing is why we love you so.
At least it is for me. Because I sure as heck don’t fit in in LA either. Pass the bread.
Jenny, I went to grad school in LA, and have family there, so I go back every year. I love them, but can’t stand the city, and bristle more every time I return. Did you notice that the first question anyone asks in LA is about freeways? (”I had a great time at Great-grandma’s last week!” “Did you take the 10?” “No–the 405 to the 110 to the 5, and got off at…”) This is a conversation?
I can’t stand California…I grew up in the west and well am glad I’m not there.
Hope the cake was good and the tanning wench saw you eat every last delicious bite!
Maybe it should be a ghost dog. Sort of a cross genre thing…
Mmmm bread. I found a bakery that does fresh loaves of this rosemary bread that is to die for tasty.
Traffic is conversation and silicone is de rigeur and now dogs are out? Well hell, now we really gotta move. Not that getting out of the smog breaks my heart.
I ‘took the 10′ . On the back seat of a Harley. I do not recommend it.
Perhaps you could try some Bay Area locals. San Anselmo has all those bungalows, the leafy trees with the palm tree here and there, bouganvilla and lilacs. So cool.
Maybe a field trip during National next summer?
All that in and outs is such a bunch of hot air. All it takes is one good dog movie to come out and all of a sudden dogs will be in like crazy. To heck with them. Was the chocolate cake good?
Alice beat me to it but I was going to say that Wolfie’s movie will be what makes dogs totally “in.”
I would rather have bread than fake breasts. And I have a wonderful deck you can join me on to enjoy a nice meal. We have an umbrella and a view. Since I am only one generation away from the farm, you will not feel out of place. Just head up the left coast for a while till you get out of the smog and see green trees.
BTW, will we see the story of Lisa Livia’s X’s disappearance on the AATHM web site soon? I can’t wait to see what method of disappearance you chose for him.
Try San Diego. It’s more civilized.
Your blog needs to come with a warning, or you’ll be getting sued to replace computer screens. Thank goodness my coffee was still brewing this morning.
Dogs are out? Okay, time flies. I remember that producers used to keep their dogs at the office. No kidding. Lots of indies had “office dogs.”
Got into one of those “Did you take the 215?” talks. I played it for a couple of turns, then said, “You know, if I were writing crashing bores, this is the dialogue I’d give them.” We laughed and resumed human form.
My bra is actually stuffed with rosemary bread.
I grew up where the 5 met the 605, and let me tell you that was always the way the conversations started. Turned 18, and GOT OUT. (That’s years, not another freeway number)
Now live in the mountains, and can barely negotiate any freeways. Love the fresh air, and the pine trees, and my dog! And just polished off the last of the brownies I baked a couple days ago. I really should share more with my kids. I wonder if there’s any cake mix in the pantry?
Name the dog “Madonna”. Then the film could be “A sassy, funny, feminist update of Beethoven the lovable wonder dog”.
I enjoy LA as a place to visit. There’s a lot to like, and a lot to smile at. I would have different criteria if I were sizing it up as a place to live permanently.
I grew up in Colorado and went to college in LA. I can’t count the number of people who walked up to me and, without my ever speaking, said, “You’re not from here.” Obviously I felt really welcome. Needless to say, I didn’t stay after graduation.
And I like dogs, too.
Give me the dogs any day, they don’t care if the breasts are real or fake. Feed my dog a little corner of crunchy bread, she’s happy, I’m happy. Slap butter on it, hell, we’re ecstatic.
I gave up trying to fit in after oh, let me see, twenty-five years, and moved to the desert. L.A. is definitely not a city in which to be female, middle-aged, and single.
You should come to Albuquerque. Everybody fits in here. It’s like New York, but with less humidity, cleaner air and space. And a lot more color. You would love the color. We have winter, but just enough to make Christmas feel like Christmas.
Oh, and dogs are very in, here.
And, were I to wear a bikini, it’s not the top that would be stuffed, alas.
I’m not a city girl. I don’t do major highway’s with lots of traffice well. Damn near had a panic attack driving in LA. Hollywood was fun - to take the kids to see, but it’s not a place I ever need to go back too. I liked San Deigo. The zoo was fun. So was Lego Land. I want to see San Fran, but I’d rather go to the Rockey Mountians, or see the Grand Canyon or something like that.
My favorite city ever is St. Augustine, Florida. It’s beautiful and so hystorical. Otherwise, Cities, don’t do it for me. I’ll take small town life any day of the week.
Let’s not get me started on breasts, okay?
Go for the bread. And what’s the point of eating ice cream if it’s sugar and fat free. Why bother? I’d much rather have a little of the real thing and enjoy it thoroughly than a lot of something not nearly as good.
I always figure that these people who obsess about being skinny enough should look to the future. No, really. If the best thing anyone can say about me after I’m gone is that I was skinny - well, that would just be sad. I’m with Agnes … real butter all the way.
And speaking of Agnes, Oh, Jenny it’s FABULOUS! DLD was good, but you two have really hit your stride with AATHM.
Just to be very clear on the subject:
Most of us don’t fit into “L.A.” - what or where-ever that is. And most of us like dogs.
Re AATHM:
Yesterday was truly crappy. By 8 p.m. I had two choices: open the fridge and eat the other half of the can of chocolate frosting, or open the front door and walk through the thunderstorm to our local bookstore for Agnes. Happily, the power wasn’t out on the bookstore side of the street, and I could buy my copy.
Today was still fairly crappy, but thanks to Agnes, I laughed. Thank you, Jenny and Bob!
Karen - You make Albuquerque sound pretty great. I never heard it described as being like New York with good weather. I’l have to visit some time.
Jenny, no worries about the L.A. thing. Movies take forever to write and we greedy fans only get 2+ hours to enjoy it. Just look at Joss. We had so much more of him when he was doing the TV thing. The movies are taking forever. I’ll just wait around for your books. I get a few days to savor them, if I’m not to greedy, and a few months later, I can read it again.
Here’s a great quote on living and writing in L.A.
“Living in L.A., being a cop and a writer here, is something like being with a dominatrix. She calls you names, walks on your fingers with spike heels and you think, what part of this was supposed to be fun again? Then she kisses you.”
–Will Beall, police detective and crime novelist
I feel I must speak up, as the sole voice in protest, and say L.A. is not just the Hollywood scene–go to any ethnic part of L.A. and everyone will feed you and invite you to their backyard barbecues and talk about the new rides at Disneyland, because it’s a strange rite of passage to buy a season pass as soon as you’re an adult and have a job and can afford one. Maybe it’s some latent drug in the water at Disneyland. Then you can go visit the other mixed neighborhoods where people use their yards to play with their kids and dogs. Dismissing L.A. as just the movie scene is like saying Manhattan is all there is to New York. I’m sure the people in the Bronx and Queens take issue with that, too. My two cents.
I will not, however, contradict, defend, or rationalize anything about the Hollywood scene, or anything related to it.
zaza sent me over to defend LA (born and raised, recently left for college but back for the summer of hotness- weather wise, that is), but really, why would you want to? i love the diversity, and i love some of the people i know here, but, well, it’s LA.
however, we have excellent food and many good dessert places, they’re just hidden. i do miss the food here. you just have to know where to find it.
RfP: i love that quote!
ahem. as in, i miss the food here in LA when i am in other places. because i can no longer get to the food in LA. to clear that up
Jenny, you are so funny. You should be writing op-ed pieces for the NYT. These pithy articles are fabulous reads.
Defenestration?
LMAO! And I can’t even explain to you why reading that line in AGNES was so damn funny, but you are only the second person I have ever known to use that word. God, that was priceless.
Thank you so much for AGNES. I finished reading it last night. Amazing book. Everything about it. Just absolutely wonderful.
And stop worrying about the people in LA. Sheesh. They start moving to Ohio in droves, like locusts, then you worry.
I NEVER comment, but you are touching a sensitive spot here. LA is NOT all about fake breasts and traffic. Sure, we have that, but there is a lot of other stuff going on, including an amazing art and music scene as well as some fabulous restaurants (my favorite is Alegria on Sunset). Try visiting some places beyond the west side and maybe you will change your mind. It is a tremendously diverse city with people of all shapes, sizes and colors, and they don’t all live in Beverly Hills.
I feel like I must defend my fair city! LA loves dogs — I see and meet tons of them when I walk and when I rollerblade at the beach. We have the weather, we have the palm trees, we have the cute Spanish bungalows, we can sit outside in the evening in August without being eaten alive by bugs… Really, it’s all good here. And we have great food (including fettucine Alfredo in one is so inclined). A little slice of heaven, that’s LA.
see, we do all agree on the excellence of food here.
i drove on four different freeways today. and i hit traffic. it was fun. *rolls eyes*
Maybe I misunderstood but I thought that Jenny was saying that as a result of her conversation with movie people that “ghosts are good and dogs are out” meaning in the movies. I don’t think she was saying that dogs are out in LA because I have seen shots of LA and there are lots of dogs. Of course I have never been there so I can’t comment on any of the other things about it.
I have not read or purchased AATHM yet. I am doing that on the 30th but I look forward to doing both. If word of mouth means as much as I think it does this book is going to do even better than DLD.
Dogs are out? Better not tell my Lulu!
Well, I live in the LA area, but not in LA county. While LA people share my political views, I prefer to live in the burbs. We still have the traffic, but our streets are wider, have left turn arrows and we have parking lots. Plenty of people have fake boobs here, but everyone has at least one dog.
Jenny, I don’t fit in here either, especially where I live, but I was born here and most of my family is here, so I’m staying put. My idea of heaven is a less than 2 hour drive to the mountains to see my aunt. If there was work up there, I’d so move.
Next time you’re here, call me. I’ll take you lots of great places outside LA county.
LA is lovely! I think you just landed in the superficial end of the pool. Right now Ohio is underwater, 80 mile an hour winds are whipping through downtown Chicago, and my brother in Wisconsin had to take his ATV to rescue my nephew who was trying to hike home from his National Guard duty. All this while I am applying sunscreen on my non-plastified originally from the Midwest transplanted to LA, body. While writing my novel. And hanging out with my cats. (Dogs died, sorry.) And my two fingers that were frostbitten in -40 degree weather years ago in Chicago are fine in LA. They can actually type as well as make sandcastles on the beach.
But I’m with you on the bread. Speaking of bread and pasta - Vito’s on Ocean Park close to Santa Monica College. A slice of heaven. Can’t wait to read Agnes! Thanks!
Hey! LA is good. Granted I’m finding being independent and single and chubby a little challenging for the dating scene, but it doesn’t appear to be an overwhelming obstacle. But then, I’m new here and am still in the thrall of the warm dry weather.
People here talk about the traffic because traffic is our “weather”. Where in Ohio you might chat about the mist lying low in the hilly fields around Granville, or lightning, hail or tornadoes, we have none of that here. So we talk about traffic. (I’m a regular user of the 101 and 405, which is ok on the weekend Mornings, but not in the afternoons.)
And if any of you LA defenders live near Ventura county and have time for a new friend (who reads a lot but does not often post here), pop over to my blog and say hi, please. I’m still looking for someone I can have dinner with on weeknights.
Oh, don’t listen to those party-poopers. Dogs are out until someone brings them back in. Why not you?
(Although I can see some points being raised about the temperment of canine actors vs. the relative calmness of SFX ghosts.)