I Know You’re Getting Tired Of This But . . .
Jun202007
We need another tagline.
I know, I KNOW, we tried to do this one on our own, but it’s not working.
Here’s the deal: We’re working on the merchandising (yes, FINALLY) and we’re at the Cranky Agnes stuff. This is not about Agnes and the Hitman, this is the merchandising that would have been done to promote Agnes’s column and her first book, Mob Food in Agnes and the Hitman.
So not promoting a novel here. You are now IN the book and Agnes is looking at you saying, “I need a tagline for the merchandising to sell my column and my Mob Food book.”
With me so far?
In the book, there are two promotional items that Agnes has in her kitchen because the publisher always sends you one to show you what they look like. I still have my Fast Women coffee cup. It’s fab. Where was I? Right.
Agnes has a white apron with her logo (the face) on it. From the book:
Agnes took a white apron off a hook by the door and put it on–it said Cranky Agnes’s Mob Food on it under a drawing of Agnes in her glasses–and tore open a package of sausages.
And there’s a promo mug:
The coffeemaker beeped and Shane took a mug from a hook under the cabinet–it had the Cranky Agnes logo, too–and poured out a cup.
But instead of just the logo, Mollie and Mara who are working on the designs right now would also like a tagline for Agnes’s column and/or for the Mob Food book. The columns, as I’m writing them now, argh, are a low rent approach to food in general. Here’s Agnes talking about FoodTV:
There are people who can make everything those chefs make, they live for the recipes on FoodTV. They have springform pans and apple corers and microplane graters. You are not that person because if you were, you’d be spitting on this column. Then there are the people who can make most things and will carefully select the recipes they watch based on their own abilities. You are not that person, either. Then there are the people who drool at the TV thinking, God, that looks so good, I’m going to make that, and end up with half a jar of capers in their fridges and the other half in a recipe that goes down their garbage disposals. You are that person. I am that person. Most of America is that person. Food TV is like porn; we dial it up even though we’re pretty sure we can’t do that, in fact we’re pretty sure we don’t want to do that, but it sure is fun to watch. And then sometimes, in the heat of watching, we try to do that. It’s usually not pretty.
Or from another column:
Another way to increase your chances of surviving is whole wheat pasta. It tastes a little different, but again, when was the last time you said, “Oh, good, pasta!” and meant a plate of naked noodles? Pasta is almost always the delivery system for the sauce (I’m ignoring fresh noodles here because, come on, you’re not making fresh noodles because if you were, you wouldn’t be reading my column, you’d be out milking the goat) and the sauce is almost always tangy (tomatoes and basil and garlic and onions and peppers, oh my) or creamy (alfredo, parmesan, the blond heart attack on a plate). You’ll adapt to the whole wheat in no time and up your fiber consumption considerably. Try whole wheat tortillas, too; they actually taste better. Whole wheat pancakes, on the other hand, are like those people in the synthetic shoes who tell you leather is a sin: you want to like them but they smell odd and you just end up avoiding them so the ingredients sit on your pantry shelf and age while you feel guilty. High fiber does not have to mean “tastes like a wet dog.” Any food that has a gram of fiber for every fifty calories is high fiber so check to make sure. Those manufacturers will slap whole wheat on anything, but the fiber/calorie ration does not lie.
And she ends every recipe with “Eat.” As in:
5. Season with salt and pepper to taste (less is more because you can always add more at the table).
6. Toss with the hot pasta. Top with cheese if you want.
7. Eat.
So that’s the kind of column you’re selling. What would be a good tagline (very short, very pithy, has to fit on a mug or apron) for Agnes? Or what would be a good tagline for the Mob Food cookbook (she wrote it with Joey, it’s part cookbook, part memoir, part Joey and Agnes hanging out)?
The contest ends when we get a tagline or taglines we like. Because did I mention they’re working on the merchandising right now? As they’re trying to finish by the end of the week? And they won’t let me see any of it because as soon as I get any jpgs, I post them here. As Bob always says, I’d last ten seconds in covert ops. So I don’t get to see the designs until they’re done which is until we have taglines. It’s an emergency. I’m dying of curiousity here.
Oh, and if we pick your tagline, you get an Agnes ARC and one of the merchandise items we make using your line.
Thank you. I know this tagline stuff is getting old. It’s because I’ve got three books coming out in the space of four months (Coffee At Luke’s, the Gilmore Girls book, is out and I still haven’t see it) so we’re in a PR perfect storm at the moment. I’ll do a real post soon. I found most of the DLD cover designs, too, if you want a walk down Memory Lane. And I have some deep thoughts I need to share. Plus, I think Bob’s coming to visit, and that’s usually good for a post. I swear, it won’t always be “Give me a tagline.” Really.
Off to drive to the store. I get really good ideas when I drive.
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147 Comments to 'I Know You’re Getting Tired Of This But . . .'
On June 20, 2007 at 12:44 pm sara c said...
Cranky Agnes Column Tagline Ideas: (what is the column called, anyway? just Cranky Agnes?)
Food, not fluff.
Just eat it already.
Food for real people.
Recipes for real people.
Food with attitude.
And, I’m with you on whole wheat pancakes. They sound like a good idea but they really aren’t.
On June 20, 2007 at 12:49 pm roben said...
Spaghetti Sutra … suck it up.
Okay, okay, I’ll go think up some more.
On June 20, 2007 at 12:57 pm kim said...
Food is always greener on the other side
How the other half eats
Food for the cooking-challenged
It ain’t pretty but it tastes great
Even a caveman (cave person/woman) could cook it
On June 20, 2007 at 12:59 pm Karen said...
For the Mob food… what about “…Make the Cannoli.” (or does that step on Coppola’s trademark?).
For the Agnes column, why not just a call back to her recipes go with a one word tag: “Eat.” (or, “…eat.” I love my ellipses).
Will try to think of more later.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:01 pm kim said...
Forgot one!!
So easy, even a cave man (person, woman) could cook it.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:02 pm Jenny said...
I tried to talk Mollie into “Eat” or “You Should Eat” but she said it was confusing; if you saw a T-shirt with the Agnes face coming toward you and it said “Eat” . . .
The column is called “Cranky Agnes.”
On June 20, 2007 at 1:07 pm ang said...
Low rent food
Food for thought
Thoughts on food
Snarky food
Cranky food
Food you can eat
Food you can actually eat
Food you actually want to eat
Food to eat
It’s not Food TV
Hey, I’m new at this, cut me a break…
On June 20, 2007 at 1:17 pm AbsoluteCherry said...
Mob Food: Good for the Whole Gang
Mob Food: The gang will love it
Mob Food: Make Them a Pasta They Can’t Refuse
Mob Food: Keep your friends close, but your Cuisinart closer
Mob Food: Leave the gun. Make the cannoli.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:18 pm JulieB said...
Pasta with balls.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:18 pm AbsoluteCherry said...
Whoops – I have to share credit for the cannoli line with Karen…
On June 20, 2007 at 1:21 pm Rae said...
What about:
For those who just want to eat.
Mollie’s point remains valid that it’s probably still confusing unless it also has the title of the column on it.
Working with sara’s ideas: “Food for those who just want to eat.” I’d use recipes but it do all of her columns contain a recipe at some point? If not, food is the better qualifer.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:21 pm AbsoluteCherry said...
Or for a kinder gentler alternative:
Mob Food: Leave the flan. Make the cannoli.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:27 pm GatorPerson said...
Gobs of food for mobs and snobs.
Lob cobs. Cook Mob Food.
Lob cobs. Fix Mob Food.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:37 pm me said...
Mangia, damnit.
Goomba gumbo.
You’ll like it. Because I said so.
Cannoli for Dummies.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:37 pm ang said...
Food for The Family
“Pasta with Balls” LMAO!
I like
“It ain’t pretty but it tastes great” and “Food for those who just want to eat”
On June 20, 2007 at 1:44 pm me said...
Or, to go all Italian: Cannoli per fessi (cannoli for idiots)
On June 20, 2007 at 1:48 pm Diane (TT) said...
I liked “Make them a pasta they can’t refuse”.
How ’bout “If I can make it, you can make it”, or
“Too cranky to spend my life cooking, but I sure like to eat!”?
Or, “If you don’t eat, you’ll be cranky!”
My sister has a great recipe for whole wheat pecan waffles. Part of the marvelousness may be that she typically serves waffles with fruit (frozen and thawed is fine for waffles) and (here’s the important part), a choice of lemon curd or ginger jam. Sorry – it seems to be the pumpkin waffles (also yummy) that are from Cooking Light, so I can’t link you to the whole wheat pecan ones. Did you know (I just discovered) that now you can search CL and Southern Living and Sunset (my mom has been a Sunset subscriber for 40 years, they have great recipes!) all at one site? Plus a couple of others.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:50 pm J said...
Food the whole Family will love.
Recipes for Everybody.
Recipes for the non-Gourmet in us all.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:51 pm Rae said...
Food with a mob-mentality.
Cooking with a mob-mentality.
Mob-mentality Cooking
1. Read it. 2. Cook it. 3. Eat it.
Stir-up the mob in you.
Eating with the mob and the masses.
Cooking with the mob and the masses.
Food for the mob and the masses.
Practice SAFE FOOD!
Ok, clearly I’m having way more fun doing this than my actual work and now I’m getting a little kooky with the ideas.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:52 pm Rae said...
One more…
Mob Tested. Mob Approved.
On June 20, 2007 at 1:56 pm J said...
Cranky Agnes: How real people cook.
On June 20, 2007 at 2:01 pm Rae said...
For the cook book:
The Godfather of Cookbooks
Godfather Gourmet
Recipes You Can’t Refuse
The Food Boss
Cooking with the Mafia
On June 20, 2007 at 2:03 pm Rae said...
Been Made Gourmet
On June 20, 2007 at 2:11 pm J said...
Mob Food: The Inside Story
On June 20, 2007 at 2:12 pm LauraB said...
Eat. Or else.
On June 20, 2007 at 2:13 pm me said...
OK, this tagline thing is addicting. I can’t stop. How about:
Because you have to eat sometime
Shut up and eat
Take this cannoli and stuff it!
You are what you eat
If you are what you eat, then I’m fast, cheap, and easy.
On June 20, 2007 at 2:15 pm J said...
Mob Food: Everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask.
On June 20, 2007 at 2:19 pm Marilyn K. said...
Cranky Eatin’
Eating by Cranky Agnes
Real Food for Real People
On June 20, 2007 at 2:25 pm roben said...
Don’t Knock the Gnocchi!
Macaroni Mama!
On June 20, 2007 at 2:28 pm Marilyn K. said...
Crank it up by Cranky Agnes
Ooh La Food!
On June 20, 2007 at 2:34 pm Kellie Hazell said...
Mob Food: Crime Takes a Bite
On June 20, 2007 at 2:35 pm Kellie Hazell said...
-or- (should’ve waited to hit submit)
Mob Food: Crime Bites Back
On June 20, 2007 at 2:36 pm Caryle said...
I’m terrible at these things, but I can’t talk myself out of suggesting:
Mob Food: You want food that’s fancy? Fuggetaboutit!
On June 20, 2007 at 2:40 pm Kellie Hazell said...
-or- (argh, I really didn’t expect a third idea)
Mob Food: Take a Bite With Crime
Cranky Agnes: What, you were expecting Julia Childs?
Cranky Agnes: Rachel Ray Meets Simon Cowell
On June 20, 2007 at 2:41 pm dee said...
First of all – COFFEE AT LUKE’S ? Totally LOVE it. I have it. I got it for my oldest child, Gretchen, the biggest GG fan in the entire world. My plan is to bring it with me to Nats and to NJRW (and to Ohio in August) where I can collect autographs, then give it to the young miss for Christmas. She’s going to just have a fit, since it has two of her favorite things – a GG theme, and Jenny’s name on the cover! (I have let her read Santa Baby, and she LOVED it, and can’t wait to read more).
Second, for taglines (this is so much fun!) -
For the cookbook –
It’s better than sleeping with fishes
Buy the book, cook the food. Or else.
Cooking for Mobsters. And everyone else too!
Mob+food= EAT
For Agnes -
Cranky Cooking
Just EAT already
Cranky Agnes says…EAT (this would look good on a mug, with the “Cranky Agnes says…” above and the “EAT” below the pic of her face)
On June 20, 2007 at 2:42 pm Amanda B. said...
dishing up no-nonsense, yummy meals… with attitude
On June 20, 2007 at 2:59 pm J said...
Cranky Agnes: Sassy Food.
On June 20, 2007 at 3:02 pm Lori said...
Caution: Eating this food may dispel crankiness
If you say BAM! you’ll be sleeping with the fishes
Snark and Serve.
Recipes for people who don’t even care what a scallion is.
Cooking the Type A Way
The Cranky Agnes Style of Cooking: Because I said so.
The Food You Don’t Take Home to Mother
On June 20, 2007 at 3:06 pm Chrissy Deffendall said...
I’m submitting these without looking at anybody else’s first, so forgive me if I repeat yours.
Cranky Agnes merchandising taglines:
“Just eat it.”
“Cranky Agnes: A meal to die for.” (from my dh)
“I’ll make you a meal you can’t refuse.”
“A meal you can’t refuse”
“Garlic presses are for sissies.”
“Real cooks use butter.” (homage to Bet Me)
Mob Food taglines:
“Meals you can’t refuse”
“An offering you can’t refuse”
“Cranky Agnes’s ‘family’ cookbook”
Can you tell I’m hung up on the Mob references? I’ll read everybody else’s after I submit this and then go hide my head in shame.
On June 20, 2007 at 3:08 pm roben said...
Mob Food: it ain’t for sissies!
For the apron: Squisito!
or Delizioso (delicious)
or Buonissimo (very good, delicious)
On June 20, 2007 at 3:10 pm Cary said...
Okay, for an ARC, I’ll give my copywriting skills a try. How ’bout
Cranky Agnes Orders a Hit on Food
Mob Food: Just like Your Sicilian Grandma Made
How to Eat, Drink, and Stay One Step Ahead of the Feds
Okay, obviously, I should stay out of the advertising field. But I REALLY want a Cranky Agnes apron.
On June 20, 2007 at 3:18 pm Kathi said...
About her column:
“The quickie of food porn.”
If you can boil water, you’re home free.
Food Porn made easy
Drive-by Food Porn.
Expecting someone fatter…
Cook with a Cause
Column & tag:
Cranky Agnes’ Fast Food
“Because someone has to do food right.” or:
“Not only will you eat it, you will like it. Or else.”
Under her logo sketch:
“Read. Cook. Eat. Any questions?”
Mob Cookbook:
A cookbook to die for…
A cookbook you can’t refuse
*********
Back to work –
On June 20, 2007 at 3:29 pm Victoria said...
Mob food tag lines:
Knives, forks and guns.
It’s not a head on a plate.
There’s cooking and then there’s cooking.
On June 20, 2007 at 3:35 pm Victoria said...
Is it too late to self-edit?
There’s cooking and then there’s Cooking.
(the italics and funky capitalization are important.)
On June 20, 2007 at 3:41 pm Sheryl said...
Pretty’s got nothing to do with taste. Eat.
On June 20, 2007 at 4:09 pm K.L. said...
Cranky Agnes
(face here)
Eat Your Food
or
Don’t Make Me Come Over There
On June 20, 2007 at 4:10 pm K.L. said...
Or
Do it My Way
On June 20, 2007 at 4:12 pm colognegrrl said...
Eat it. Or beat it.
On June 20, 2007 at 4:12 pm heather said...
How about…
Food=Porn
Food Might Not Be Porn, but it’s still Good.
Mob Food: Guns, Cannollis, and Other Necessities of Life
Mob Food: VERY Secret Family Recipes
(the porn comment struck me, obviously….)
On June 20, 2007 at 4:20 pm Sheri said...
Good food–no fuss. (mugs and apron)
Food without the fuss. Or “Good food w/out the fuss.”
Feed your face (with Cranky Agnes face in between)
Cranky Agnes says “Eat…”
Cook book:
Mob Food for the Masses
Memoirs and Manicotti: Cooking for the Mob
On June 20, 2007 at 4:21 pm Sheryl said...
Or
Taste’s got nothing to do with pretty. Eat.
Feed the Mob. NOW!
On June 20, 2007 at 4:29 pm Pam W. said...
The only virgin here is my olive oil.
Food that sticks to the knife between your ribs.
The Thin Man never tasted my food.
I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to make this anymore.
On June 20, 2007 at 4:29 pm RCanuck said...
For the column:
“Food for the rest of us.”
For the Mob Cookbook:
“Cooking for the Mob, the Family and the rest of the gang.”
(seriously, how much do I love the built in spell checker in Firefox 2 since it keeps saving me from myself.)
On June 20, 2007 at 4:30 pm GatorPerson said...
Ferme la bouche et mange.
My Italian is poor to non-exitent. That is supposed to be Italian for “Shut your mouth and eat.”
On June 20, 2007 at 4:35 pm RandomRanter said...
Eating for the rest of us.
(although I see that R Canuck has a very similar one.)
Just Plain Eating
It’s food, not rocket science.
On June 20, 2007 at 4:47 pm Pam W. said...
Say hello to my little fork.
You can get further with a kind word and a spoon than you can with just a kind word.
Stir me deadly.
Public Enemy #2
Marinarad to the Mob
Pasta Nostra
On June 20, 2007 at 4:47 pm ang said...
Good food for real life
Good food for real people
Good food for life
On June 20, 2007 at 4:49 pm ang said...
Good Eating
On June 20, 2007 at 4:49 pm CathyS. said...
For “Mob Food”:
“Making Meals with the Made Man”
-or-
“Bringing the Family to the table.”
Cranky Agnes:
“For Food that Fools the Foodies”…nah…too much alliteration.
On June 20, 2007 at 4:52 pm CathyS. said...
I love RandomRanter’s “It’s food, not rocket science”.
Although I have to admit that in real life I am semi-addicted to Alton Brown, and he does explain a lot about food science in his shows….
On June 20, 2007 at 5:01 pm Jennifer said...
(These are SO not going to win. Oh well.)
Cooking for Lazy People
Cooking for Slackers
Cooking for Actual Real People, Not the Pros
Cooking for Wannabe Food Snobs Who Can’t Hack That Fresh Ingredients Thing
Turning Food Porn Into Tasty Reality
On June 20, 2007 at 5:02 pm Teble said...
How ’bout, “Eat, Drink, and be Cranky.”
Merry is for wimps.
On June 20, 2007 at 5:12 pm wendy said...
Cranky Agnes-Kitchen Diva
Cooking for the Mob-Family Fare
On June 20, 2007 at 5:16 pm K.L. said...
I got it.
Cranky Agnes
Food with Attitude
On June 20, 2007 at 5:20 pm Cary said...
Breaking bread and taking heat
On June 20, 2007 at 5:20 pm Eva Gale said...
Whack It.
Whole wheat banana pancakes need strips of bacon in between. The trick is real maple syrup warmed in the nuker with cinnamon in them. And butter. It’s the salty sweet thing going. Heaven, I promise. Regular ones are like cardboard disks, no matter what the heck you put on them.
On June 20, 2007 at 5:21 pm Cary said...
Cranky Agnes: Outta the Frying Pan…
On June 20, 2007 at 5:34 pm Cary said...
For Mob Food – The food is real, the names are not.
Cranky Agnes – Don’t Mess with the Food.
Appetite Required, Attitude Optional
On June 20, 2007 at 5:51 pm Brooke said...
Mob Food: Too good to be legal.
Mob Food: Feed the Family.
Mob Food: Feed your gang.
Mob Food: Come off like gangbusters.
Mob Food: For dinners that come off like gangbusters.
On June 20, 2007 at 5:56 pm ZaZa said...
Food you can cook.
And eat.
It ain’t food porn, but it’s edible.
Recipes for the cooking/kitchen-challenged
Recipes for the rest of us
Cranky Agnes says,
“Eat.”
It’s edible and it won’t kill you.
And you know, Jenny, that we love doing these. Even if some of us *ahem* are really rotten at it.
On June 20, 2007 at 6:07 pm Sally J. said...
I like the one about a meal you can’t refuse, but Copola may fuss.
Cook, talk, eat. You’ll feel bettah.
I could give you the recipe, but then I’d have to kill ya.
I’m no good at this, but I should get points for participating, like in Gym Class
On June 20, 2007 at 6:09 pm Cary said...
Mob Food: Breadsticks & Bullets
Cranky Agnes: The Fat’s in the Fire Now!
Mob Food: How to Hide $50,000 in a Tuna Casserole
Okay, I really should stop now….
On June 20, 2007 at 6:10 pm Cary said...
But not yet…
Cranky Agnes: Taking a Whack at the Family Dinner
On June 20, 2007 at 6:19 pm ZaZa said...
Feed your inner Goomba
Sorry on a couple of those earlier ones. I didn’t read the other comments before adding mine. What else is new?
On June 20, 2007 at 6:50 pm zette said...
Thinking in terms of Mob Food…
Killer Food
or
Killer Dinners
On June 20, 2007 at 7:03 pm dee said...
For the cookbook –
More than just spaghetti
Food the whole Family will love
Things YOU can cook that The Family will eat.
For a Fun Time in YOUR Kitchen
Fun in the kitchen with The Family
For Agnes -
The food is easy. The cook isn’t.
It’s not food porn, but your mouth won’t know that.
Tastes like food porn.
The cook is Cranky, not the food.
On June 20, 2007 at 7:20 pm Jean said...
For the cookbook:
Mob Food: It’s Da’ Family Way
For Agnes:
You Food
or, maybe,
U Food
On June 20, 2007 at 7:22 pm CathyS. said...
Mob Food: Meals for the Made Man
On June 20, 2007 at 7:28 pm CathyS. said...
Mob Food: Angel Cakes with Dirty Faces
(couldn’t resist)
On June 20, 2007 at 7:29 pm BCB said...
Nothin’ But Good Food Ahead
Beat It. Heat It. Eat It.
Mob Food: It’ll be a Hit in Your Kitchen.
On June 20, 2007 at 7:33 pm AnnieG said...
Tagline:
Cranky Agnes – If you can’t stand the heat…
Cranky Agnes – Don’t try this at home.
Cranky Agnes – Watch and Learn.
Cranky Agnes – No Mess, No Pain
Cranky Agnes – Food on the Run (or Recipes on the Run)
Cranky Agnes – Cooking for Cretins
On June 20, 2007 at 8:10 pm Courtney said...
Okay, I’m late to this party, so I’ve only seen the excerpt from the first chapter, but here goes:
(Oh, and I’m not reading everyone else’s answers, because they would just stick in my head. If there are repeats, that’s just because great minds think alike.
For the Cranky Agnes column:
Read It and Eat.
Taking the bite out of the kitchen.
Grouchy About Good Grub.
Food with a side of sarcasm.
For those who just want to EAT, already.
For Mob Food:
Cooking for Goombahs
Cooking for the Godfather
Eat. Or Else.
Because You Never Know When It’s Your Last Meal.
On June 20, 2007 at 8:19 pm Marie said...
Can I try?
Cranky Agnes: Plain-speaking on fancy food.
Cranky Agnes: Common-sense culinary
Cranky Agnes: Food for the rest of us.
Cranky Agnes: Repasts and real recipies
Mob Food: Just like your sainted mother used to make
On June 20, 2007 at 8:27 pm Eva Gale said...
It’s About the Brasciole.
*snerk* Mobster double entendres.
On June 20, 2007 at 8:36 pm Eva Gale said...
For Agnes: Shut Up and Eat.
On June 20, 2007 at 8:46 pm downundergal said...
Okay, she’s Cranky Agnes right?
So how about – Bite Me.
Got nothing on the mob food bit.
On June 20, 2007 at 9:11 pm Jenifer said...
Cranky Agnes:
I write, you eat.
Cranking up the heat.
Too hot to handle.
I like to watch (people cook).
Here to eat and tell.
She’ll tell you where to go. (assuming she does restaurant reviews)
Shut up and cook.
This is harder than it looks.
On June 20, 2007 at 9:28 pm MJ said...
Mob Food: Every Meal a Hit
On June 20, 2007 at 9:50 pm Mary Stella said...
For Mob Food: Feeding the Famiglia; Good Eating Isn’t a Crime; Good Food Isn’t a Crime; Cooking Well Isn’t a Crime.
For Cranky Agnes: Food Fast — Not Fast Food or The Hard Part’s Over, Now Eat. Maybe, Cooking’s the Hard Part. Now Eat.
Cranky Agnes: The Hard Part’s Over, Now Eat!
On June 20, 2007 at 9:59 pm micki said...
(-: I’m not looking at the comments, so if this sounds familiar, blame zeitgeist. Here are three ideas:
Food you can actually make. Food you can actually eat.
When the Godmother says, “Eat,” you eat.
Cranky Agnes: the Godmother of Home Cooking
On June 20, 2007 at 10:03 pm MJ said...
Cranky Agnes. Friendly Food.
It’s not cuisine–it’s FOOD.
Screw cuisine!
You want cuisine, or supper?
On June 20, 2007 at 10:09 pm micki said...
OMG! There are some *great* ones here! I’m glad I’m not judging. But I really, really love: “Read, cook, eat. Any questions?”
On June 20, 2007 at 10:25 pm me said...
GaterPerson, that was French. It’s chiudi il becco e mangi.
More ideas:
From the witness protection program to you.
Eat if you know what’s good for you.
On June 20, 2007 at 10:28 pm MJ said...
From my dh:
Mob Food: What, you don’t like it?
On June 20, 2007 at 10:59 pm Rosa said...
For the apron with her face on it:
Killer food, killer smile.
On June 20, 2007 at 10:59 pm patmc said...
I know 13 ways to kill with a spoon, eat!
recipes learned at my Godfathers side
recipes i learned by…um, don’t ask
don’t be cranky, cook!
don’t you be cranky…cook!
sorry all, 4yr old grandkidlet gave me love and cold, all at the same time arggggggggg
On June 21, 2007 at 12:37 am roben said...
Book/ Column:
Mob Food: Cuisine with Attitude
Mob Food: It’s all in the slicin’ and dicin’
Mob Food: Pasta, that’s the ticket!
Mob Food by Due Amici
Agnes:
Caution: Knife in hand.
Bad Girl Chef
Angel in the Kitchen
Guru Chef
That’s it, I’m all tapped out. Going to bed.
On June 21, 2007 at 12:50 am ZaZa said...
Maybe change that Feed your inner Goomba to Godfather, Mobster, Don etc.
For the book, When a hitman comes to dinner…
On June 21, 2007 at 2:20 am The Great Dane said...
KISS
Keep It Simple, Stupid
For both the column and the book.
Anette, The Great Dane
On June 21, 2007 at 2:34 am Strop said...
Easy cooking: easy eating
Easy and edible
Eating for Dummies
Cooking for Dummies
Cranky Agnes: your life in a pan
Easy living: easy eating
Cranky Agnes: Not for Chefs
On June 21, 2007 at 2:38 am Shoshana said...
I haven’t read all of them, so pardon me if any of these have been done, but…
How long is the column, usually?
A meal in ___ words
or
A meal in ___ lines
or
Pass me the column, please
or
Book’s out and dinner’s up: Mob Food
or
Snappy Service: Mob Food
or
Snappy Service: Cranky Agnes’ Food Column
or
Food to Drool For
or
Food to Cook For
okay, I’m done for now
On June 21, 2007 at 2:46 am Shoshana said...
No, I’m not.
Why Stop at Seconds?
Everyone deserves desert
No book left behind
No column left behind
No cook left behind
Mob Food: it has Zing!
Mob Food: you want it, we’ve got it
Whatever you want: Mob Food
On June 21, 2007 at 3:00 am Shoshana said...
Mob Food: A book with real meat to it
Try this at home!
Food, faster than a .(some number here, I don’t know guns -21 or something? No, that’s the gambling game) bullet
Easier than Pie
Mob Food: no limits here
You don’t have to be hungry; we’ll help
Mob Food: are you going to finish that?
(face or ‘Cranky Agnes’) I want what she’s having
(face or ‘Cranky Agnes’) I’ll have what she’s having
or
(face or Cranky Agnes): I’ll have what she’s cooking
(face or ‘Cranky Agnes’): I want what she’s cooking
NOW I’m done.
On June 21, 2007 at 3:19 am Shoshana said...
Um… I take that back. Not done, yet.
Mob Food: Sizzlin Hot
Mob Food: Turn up the Heat
Mob Food: It’s OVER the fire
Out of the pan, into the stomach
Cranky Agnes: I drink it up!
Cranky Agnes: Words to sip by
Mob Food: Live and let cook
Cranky Agnes: Words to eat by
or Mob Food: Words to eat by
Mob Food: One in the pan is worth two in the store
Cranky Agnes: Witchin’ in the Kitchen
Words to cook by
Truth in in Cooking
An everymeal book
An everymeal column
Tabletalk
On June 21, 2007 at 3:30 am Shoshana said...
Is there a limit to how many we can do? This is really entertaining!
1. Read
2. Cook
3. Eat
Mob Food: it’s KISS the cook!
Don’t kill the cook: Mob Food
Mob Food: dying to cook
Quoth the maven: there better be more!
Mob Food: How many servings can YOU take?
Cooks, Crooks, and Really Good Food.
Stealing the home’s plate
Good to the last page
Good to the last bite
Cranky Agnes: Temper in a Teapot
Temper with a teapot
Right, I’ll be good, I’ll stop.
On June 21, 2007 at 3:31 am Shoshana said...
Wait, just ONE more?
Mob Food: Sugar and spice; not everything’s nice
On June 21, 2007 at 3:55 am Shoshana said...
Aaah! Help! I can’t stop!
Agnes: Whine and Dine
Sautee and expose’e (how do you do that accent thing?)
Mob Food: the quick and the bread
The good, the bad, and the bread
the good, the bad, and the food
the good the bad and the cook
between leaven and hearth
Mob Food: stealing leaven
Cranky Agnes: some leavening for your life
Bread and Board
does she DO any bread recipes? oh, nevermind, I shouldn’t be doing any more anyway!
between a cop and a hot plate?
Dishing out the good stuff
Mob Food: out of the fire, into the fry pan
Mob Food: in the line of fries
This is WAYYYYY too much fun!
Yes, you can have some more.
On the mug: Fill ‘er up!
Cranky Agnes: a saucy wench
Mob Food: Sugar and spice and things not so nice
Okay, at this point I really will stop.
On June 21, 2007 at 4:37 am CathyS. said...
Weird things happen in my brain when I am up all night babysitting computer systems:
Mob Food: Spaghetti and Goombas
On June 21, 2007 at 5:05 am Ingrid said...
Unlike Teble I like “Eat, drink and be merry”. For me the second bit “for tomorrow we die” always follows in my head, whether it’s there or not.
With the first and visible part you have the message that eating and drinking makes cranky people merry (well, my mood does not improve when I’m hungry), and with the second invisible part the whole dying/being killed/mob thing.
On June 21, 2007 at 5:14 am Mel said...
Mob Food: You can’t refuse
or Mob Food: Food you can’t refuse
Cranky Agnes. Eat. Or else.
On June 21, 2007 at 6:02 am L. said...
Cranky Agnes: It’s About Time
On June 21, 2007 at 6:13 am L. said...
Mob Food: Killer Family Recipes
On June 21, 2007 at 6:28 am Laura Vivanco said...
Not a tagline, just a query. In the post you wrote that ‘the fiber/calorie ration does not lie’. Is that American usage or should it be ‘ratio’?
On June 21, 2007 at 7:50 am J said...
Food to Live for.
On June 21, 2007 at 8:11 am Susanna Hugo said...
Okay – immediately started channeling my grandmother, a very tough, first generation Italian immigrant:
Mangia! (Eat in Italian – heard often in her house, and it wasn’t a request)
Mangia already – like a toothpick! (also heard often in her house – but probably not as appropriate here)
Probably too long & stereotypical but: You want I should make you eat?
Even Made (wo)men can make good food. (scans better with men, but it’s Agnes’ column)
On June 21, 2007 at 8:15 am L. said...
Cranky Agnes:
Recipes for the rest of the world
Cooking doesn’t have to be difficult
Food for regular folks
Easy food for busy people
On June 21, 2007 at 8:41 am Shawn Reed said...
Frou-frou free food zone
Food you WANT to eat
On June 21, 2007 at 8:43 am J said...
Mob Food: The Tough Guy’s Guide to life and food
On June 21, 2007 at 9:03 am Jane said...
Food you’d kill for. . .And How You Make It.
On June 21, 2007 at 9:05 am Jess said...
Sorry if any of these are repeats; that’s a lot of comments to wade through and I admit I just skimmed. ^_^
Making food fun again.
Feeding the Masses. (could also work for Mob Food in a way)
The No Fear Kitchen.
For people who just want to eat.
I thought “Cranky Agnes, Friendly Food,” but I noted that MJ already had it.
On June 21, 2007 at 9:40 am AMC said...
For the mob cookbook,
Meatballs and Chitlins: Food of the Southern Mob.
(or any other Italian-American dish you’d care to substitute.)
Southern-Fried Mob Food.
For Agnes’s column,
Just Eat It, Already!
On June 21, 2007 at 9:54 am MJ said...
For Cranky Agnes: What’re YOU cooking?
Still messing with my earlier ideas:
Mob Food: Make Every Meal a Hit
Cranky Agnes: You want cuisine, or food?
On June 21, 2007 at 10:13 am JulieB said...
Shoshana,
Tell me you are getting paid to be up at 3 AM!
On June 21, 2007 at 11:10 am Chris said...
Mob Food: Try it- couldn’t hurt.
On June 21, 2007 at 11:17 am Chris said...
Food for the rest of us.
On June 21, 2007 at 11:49 am Jenny said...
When you’re self-employed, there is no time clock. So basically, yes, I’m getting paid to be up at 3AM.
OTOH, I can sleep until noon if I want to. Don’t cry for me, babe. It’s a good life full of interesting people with great taglines.
“Ration” was a typo, thank you.
And some of these would make great Cranky Agnes column headers. You people are brilliant.
On June 21, 2007 at 12:00 pm Shawn Reed said...
For the cook book –
Recipes you can’t refuse.
On June 21, 2007 at 12:27 pm Lee said...
My good brother, who would be a mobster if he wasn’t already a commercial fisherman, always says
“you don’t eat, you die”
and then when anyone hesitates, he says
“so eat already”
On June 21, 2007 at 12:32 pm J said...
Just because it amuses me:
Mob Food: We don’t need a protection racket to sell this book.
On June 21, 2007 at 12:47 pm Gin said...
For the column:
Just do it. Then eat.
For the book:
Mouth-watering Mob morsels
More eating off the dishes than sleeping with the fishes
On June 21, 2007 at 1:12 pm Wag said...
Mob Food: Body Bags not Required
Mob Food: Slay your appetite
Mob Food: The K.I.S.S of death. How to slay those mobster appetites.
Cranky Agnes: Create Real Appetizing Nummies w/o Killing Yourself
Cranky Agnes: She’s got the Chops
Cranky Agnes: Hit me with your best chop
Cranky Agnes: Food is not a four letter word
Cranky Agnes: Because eating should not be a four letter word
Cranky Agnes: Foodies need not apply.
Cranky Agnes: Cooking made so easy, it should be a crime
Cranky Agnes: Relish her K.I.S.S.
Cranky Agnes: Eating with a K.I.S.S.
Cranky Agnes: Cooking with a K.I.S.S
Cranky Agnes: Create Mouth-watering Food w/o Killing Yourself
Cranky Agnes: Chop. Spice. Toss. Now Eat!
Cranky Agnes: Shoot, fire and eat the food (southern idiom takeoff)
Cranky Agnes: She takes the cake.
Cranky Agnes: She won’t make you holler like a stuck pig.
Cranky Agnes: Small bites for the foodie in all of us
Cranky Agnes: Either cook or throw the plate
Cranky Agnes: She’s plum crazy
Cranky Agnes: Raising your dander one ingredient at a time
Cranky Agnes: Parsing sage advice for a merry ole time
That was kind of fun.
On June 21, 2007 at 1:18 pm lilyblues said...
Crunchy Thoughts
On June 21, 2007 at 1:23 pm Carla said...
I’m from New York, so I have to go with:
“Mob Food: You got a problem with that?”
On June 21, 2007 at 1:46 pm Kelly said...
Forget the Professionals – Try this at Home
On June 21, 2007 at 1:57 pm Kelly said...
or “Ignore the Professionals – Try This at Home”
On June 21, 2007 at 2:13 pm J said...
The way cooking should be.
On June 21, 2007 at 2:19 pm J said...
K.I.S.S. the Cook
On June 21, 2007 at 2:23 pm Kelly said...
“Mob Food – Breaking down the Barricades of Haute Cuisine”
I know this refers more the French Revolutionary mobs rather than the Mafia, but I like it.
On June 21, 2007 at 2:32 pm Jennifer said...
I did not read the other entries so I apologize for any duplicates!
Cranky Agnes: Food without Pity
Cranky Agnes: Cook, undefined.
Cranky Agnes: Crotchty Cuisine
Cranky Agnes: Crass Cuisine.
Mob Food: Bang! Your eatin’ now!
Mob Food: Executions of Eats
Mob Food: Violent Vittles
Mob Food: Enraged Entrees
Mob Food: Go Ahead, Make Me a Meal!
On June 21, 2007 at 4:10 pm roben said...
For the column:
Dish and Diss with Cranky Agnes
Mob Food: Italian Dishes to Die For
Apron and stuff:
Cranky Agnes: A Real Dish
On June 21, 2007 at 4:40 pm MJ said...
Hey, Roben, change one word and I think it’s even better:
Cranky Agne: The Real Dish
On June 21, 2007 at 5:05 pm glee said...
Mob Food: Hit Recipes
On June 21, 2007 at 5:52 pm Brandy said...
It’s simple food for simple people.
If I can cook it, so can you.
Cookbook: Bullets and Braises
Apron: Get whacked!
On June 21, 2007 at 6:32 pm Bonnie C said...
Cranky Agnes – Not for the Experienced
Cranky Agnes – Professionals Need Not Apply
On June 21, 2007 at 6:51 pm JulieB said...
Are mobsters different in the south? ‘Cause I’m still close enough to Chicagoland to get big-city news, and _our_ boys were on the news last night saying things like, “I don’t remember that. . .,” “He’s just a friend,” and “Run the mob? I can’t even walk around!” I’m just wondering how far they will go to promote the book. . . .
On June 21, 2007 at 7:45 pm ChelSierra said...
Just goofing around mostly, but ya never know if one might turn out to be a winner:
—————————————–
Have Skillet, Will Fry
Have Stomach? Will Fill
No Stomach Goes Unfilled
I Know My Way Around A Kitchen
I Know My Way Around A Kitchen, And So Can You
I Have A Skillet, And I Know How To Use It
I Have Many Skillets, And I Know How To Use Them
My Skillet Mantra: Fry Them All!
Deep Frying My Way To The Dark Side
Weapon Of Choice: My Skillet
Cooking R Us
Cooking M.O.
Cooking Mojo
—————————————–
Cranky Agnes: Cooking My Way To Happiness
Cranky Agnes: Cooking My Way To Inner Peace
Cranky Agnes: The Sourdough Confection
Cranky Agnes: The Sourdough Conspiracy
Cranky Agnes: The Sourdough Connection
Cranky Agnes: Sourdough Filly
Cranky Agnes: Embrace Your Sourdough
Cranky Agnes: Embrace Your Inner Sourdough
Cranky Agnes: Embracing Your Sourdough
Cranky Agnes: Embracing Your Inner Sourdough
Cranky Agnes: Let’s Cook!
Cranky Agnes: Got Food?
Cranky Agnes: Got Food? Let’s Cook!
Cranky Agnes: Got Food? Let’s Eat!
Cranky Agnes: Into Your Hearts One Stomach At A Time
Cranky Agnes: Happy Cooking
Cranky Agnes: Crabby Cooking
Cranky Agnes: Cooking Can Be Cantankerous
Cranky Agnes: Cooking The Cantankerous Way
Cranky Agnes: Cantankerous Cooking
Cranky Agnes: Grouchy Cooking
Cranky Agnes: Cooking Grouch
Cranky Agnes: Cooking Grouch (er, Guru)
Cranky Agnes: Forgo Mojo
Cranky Agnes: Forgo The Mojo
Cranky Agnes: Good Eating Ahead
Cranky Agnes: Good Cooking Ahead
Cranky Agnes: Nothing But Good Cooking
Cranky Agnes: Nothing But Good Cooking Ahead
Cranky Agnes: Nothing But Good Eating
Cranky Agnes: Nothing But Good Eating Ahead
On June 21, 2007 at 8:01 pm J said...
Cranky Agnes: Real Food, Snark on the Side.
or
Cranky Agnes: Real Food with Snark on the Side.