An Open Letter to Apple
(That’s the computer company, not the celebri-baby doomed to great cheekbones.)
Dear Apple,
I have been purchasing your Macintosh computers since 1985. Every one of them has been fabulous, and I’ve only replaced them because you brought out something fabulous-er. I have more than one iPod, and inevitably, when the furor dies down, I will own an iPhone. But for the first time my Mac passions are being tested. Yes, suddenly I yearn for another computer which, thank God, is not available in this country. Yet. It’s also $1650 and probably doesn’t do half of the things my wonderful MacBook Pro with the intel chip does, especially once I load it up with Leopard, which I will do once you stop futzing around and release it, but I digress.
There’s a new laptop in town. It’s shiny. It sparkles. But more than that it’s me–well, me and Lani Diane Rich who also lusts for it and sent me the link to it for which she should burn in hell because I yearn, I tell you, I yearn–but mostly it’s me. It says, “This woman is successful and yet knows how to play, is with it but without any grim purpose to impress, is intelligent but unafraid to type in pink. Its 299 Swarovski crystals say, “This is a woman with style, with breeding with . . . dare I say it? . . . a no-fear approach to her public persona.
I do think the four hearts are overkill:
This is why I’m writing to you, Apple. Please, please make a Hello Kitty MacBookPro, leaving off the four hearts which are just tacky, I don’t care what NEC says. Don’t make me give up incredible computing power and virus free internet surfing–not to mention Curio and Scrivener and Think–and break off our relationship, a relationship that’s lasted longer than any other one I’ve had with the exception of my kid who would have dumped me long ago if she could have, please, Apple, I’m begging you.
Make the MacKitty Pro. A grateful nation will probably pay double for it.
Thank you,
Jenny Crusie
PS: Here’s the article that talks about it, on Fox News, of course. It’s like all the planets are in alignment when Fox reports on something like this.
PPS: If you read to the end of the article, you’ll see there is also a Hello Kitty Barbie, which is sort of like a Burger King Big Mac, so clearly the Hello Kitty people can be bought.
Addendum:
I probably should have mentioned that one of the great disappointments of my computing life was when they stopped making the Hello Kitty USB port before I found it on the internet:
But now it seems they do have a keyboard:
And the ever popular, uh, massager. For carpel tunnel. Wherever it may strike:
Stop me before I get out my credit card.
Ms Jenny…
It’s definitely you!
You really need that pink laptop.
It’ really sparkly and pretty.
You need (and I hope you get) that computer.
Yes, Indeed.
A very twisted co-worker once showed me a website where you could buy a Hello Kitty vibrator. Now that’s Just Wrong.
Ah, Mary, great minds. I just posted an addendum with the picture.
I think the teddy bear is a nice touch.
until Apple hears your pleas here are a few options that may help you prove to the world you have arrived and are not afraid to be girly and successful at the same time
http://www.skynmobile.com/laptop_covers.html
http://www.laptoplids.com/index.html
CC
The perfect Christmas present for a woman who’s both naughty and nice!
I think what you really need is a Hello Kitty coffee pot- especially since the only person who uses it in your house is HIM http://www.tiny.cc/C3V92
Well now Bob will know what to get you for your birthday. The laptop, I meant the laptop!
http://www.tiny.cc/C3V92
The Hello Kitty coffee maker should work to wake Him up- even if you only have decaf in the house
Jenny, Jenny, Jenny! Why isn’t your crafty mind already getting into gear to make this happen? Mac users are creative people. We don’t wait for corporate.
Maybe this would help? It’s not quite the same design but…
http://shop.sanrio.com/hello-kitty-stickers/21184-200701,default,pd.html
or this: http://shop.sanrio.com/hello-kitty-sticker/63896-200702,default,pd.html
Good luck!
Oh, Jenny . . .
http://www.techshell.biz/blingtechshell.html
That letter will surely get you noticed at MacIntosh. I hope you have as much success with them as I did with Lexmark. I got a free printer. Honest Injun! so maybe you will get a free Hello Kitty, a UBS Port, since I am sure they still have some, a Hello Kitty keyboard and the vibrator. Good luck.
Oh, Donna.
Except I have a 17″. They have a plain pink skin and it says it’s custom made but . . .
Of course, if it’s custom made there could be a cherry on it. Or a cherry bomb. or something from Dogs and Goddesses. or . . .
I’m overwhelmed.
McB, of course you meant the laptop. Bob would hardly get her the keyboard, would he? Considering all the times he’s been threatened with one, in his mind that probably qualifies as a lethal weapon.
Well I’ve always enjoyed a bit of a laugh in the boudior but if my husband suggested that little number I think I would be too busy LMAO for anything orgasmic to happen. It’d be like using the kids disney electric toothbrushes……
I’d be like - “you want to put that where????”
That LDR, always taken with glittery things.
The lap top is the personification of the glittery hoo-ha. I want to have one too.
Hello Kitty can be bought? Oh, yeah. They are the Compleat Marketers. At one point you could buy Hello Kitty toilet paper, so they are not proud. They want your business.
I’ve seen apartments decorated by 20-somethings completely in Hello Kitty — in major decorating magazines. You can buy a Hello Kitty Toaster oven. You have to *pay* for the Hello Kitty catalogs. Kitty has got *everyone* brainwashed. I find her just a tad scary, to tell the truth.
I was just wondering though, you guys outside of Japan, don’t you have mobile phone decorating kits? Lots of bling-bling to dress up your cell phone? I’m sure I’ve seen Svar(however it’s spelled) crystals; I know I’ve seen sparkly Kitty available. I’d think it’d be just as easy to stick it on the computer — easier because computers don’t get quite the abuse that cell phones do.
(Despite my leeriness of Big Sister Kitty, I do have a weakness for the Charmy Kitty stuff — pink and yellow flowers on black background — a kind of feline, updated Laura Ashley look. My little girl has the Charmy Kitty watch.)
ok, jenny i can make you any design you like to be on your laptop in swarovski cause, see, i make jewelry and am currently sitting in inventory more crystals than jon even has a clue i own. we own, no, i own. community property does NOT count in glittery swarovski.
did mollie get the package i mailed to you in brooklyn? think pink swarovski. i love being psychic.
Oh, yeah. I saw that article a couple days ago and didn’t understand why U.S. companies didn’t see the value in customized laptops. And then I thought, “hey, I bet we can make our own.” I just take your laptop to someone that paints cars. Make sure they tape it off really, really good to the paint doesn’t get inside and have them spray the top the car color of your choice. You’d have to keep it in a soft cloth bag to protect it, otherwise it’ll start looking like someone had keyed your laptop. But, whoa, how cool. Hmmm. wondering how much they would charge. Hmmm. wondering how easy the mac books can be taken apart so just the case itself can be taken in for painting. Oh! You could probably buy and glue on your own crystals and make your own design. No need to be limited to hello kitty. Hmmm. I’m really liking this idea.
Oh! Forget taking it to the guys that paint cars. We want the guys that do the motorcycle designs. They could probably design a fab cherry bomb.
Last post, I promise. Turns out someone else already thougt of using car paint for custom laptop finishes..
http://www.laptopdesignusa.com/
I’d switch to Macs just for a Hello Kitty laptop. Yes. It’s sad but true. It can go with my Hello Kitty CD player and my Hello Kitty discman (and my Hello Kitty “facial massager”–different from the one above–sent by a well-meaning but pervy friend) BUT NEVER the Hello Kitty toaster, because anyone who doesn’t want their toast toasted evenly is just weird, okay?
Okay,, guess I’m not wired for Hello Kitty, but I could totally do with wine-red snakeskin. The keyboard could be something that FEELS wonderful, like chamois. Yes, that would do.
I have the 15″ Powerbook G4, myself. But, you know, toll-free #, you could call ‘em and ask . . .
I’d probably be inclined to ask for something from Saiyuki.
Well, Jenny, they may not give you the Hello Kitty MacBook, but you can at least sleep better tonight knowing that you’ve improved the life of a wannabe-Glinda. I read your post, went online and Googled Curio, Think and Scrivener, and now my MacBook Pro is humming along with three new apps.
If I could just figure out how to consummate the foreplay at the end of my WIP without feeling like my mother is looking over my shoulder threatening to lock me in my closet for the rest of my adult life (and I’m a married woman with a 17 year-old kid!), I’d say life was just about perfect. (Perfection would require regular dinner engagements with Johnny Depp, not just the Hello Kitty computer, but he could bring his wife–looking would be enough. He’s just so FASCINATING, and eye candy, to boot!) Why is it that if you write about murder and mayhem, nobody wonders about the skeletons in your closet, but write a single sentence about sex and people wonder what you do behind closed doors???
I saw a desktop computer where the case had been removed and painted with the faux granite spray paint you can get a home improvement stores - it looked fabulous! You can do this yourself. (Then take a picture and show us…)
With 17″ to play with, you could put Sunflowers or Guernica on that baby.
Use something besides Sharpies, though. They rub off. Testor’s paint for model cars should work.
How much time is left on your warranty?
LOL! I howled at the Hello Kitty massager. I showed it to hubby and he actually facepalmed at the picture.
But like others have said, I couldn’t actually use it because I’d be too busy laughing at it.
Omigod it’s a sign of the apocalypse.
Well, looks like I missed the party. Darn! That’s what you get for being all serious about this writing stuff and resisting playing on blogs, I suppose. Sigh.
Anyway, the Miss Kitty laptop would be a huge hit out here. If you don’t have your diamonds, or cubic zirconia, or rhinestones, or in this case Swarovski crystals dangling off everything then you can’t live in the California desert. I feel decidedly underdressed on any given day. Maybe this laptop could give me some clout. Ain’t gonna’ touch that massager, vibrator thingy though.
Have you seen hellokittyhell.com?
Hello Kitty on a laptop? That’s. Just. Wrong. You realize Bob will never be seen in public with you again if there is even the whisper of a chance that you’ll bring out the HK computer and use it in front of him.
Now, if someone could make him a camo cover for his laptop. *G*
Bob’s tougher than that.
Remember the lizard socks I made him wear in Arizona? He even wore the flip flops I got him on the beach at Maui so I could see them make the “Bob was here” impression on the sand. He only wore them once, but he wore them. I don’t think this laptop would faze him. This is the man who carried Moot around . . .
Come to think of it, this is the man who LOST Moot.
He prolly lost Moot buried in the sand along with lizard socks and flip flops he he.
The Hello Kitty laptop is not for me. I’m kind of anti-pink. My daughter on the other hand would probably crawl on her knees over broken glass to get one.
Yeah, don’t trust “Bob the loser of Moot.” He’d pretend to like all of those crystals and then you’d find he’d tossed the laptop off his dock along with Moot and the flip flops and the socks. Then you’d be in Aust. walking along Bondi Beach and you’d trip over what you thought was driftwood, and lo and behold …
I’m forwarding the hellokittyhell.com site to my daughter. she always loved the stuff. I can hear her now, “Mom can I get that bathtub?” That site’s a hoot.