Modern Literary Terms: The Glittery HooHa

Apr92007

I’ve been working on the Fun Book on Sundays, and I ran into a snag because my hero, who is supernaturally irresistible (stick with me, it works) sleeps with at least twelve women before he goes to bed with the heroine. That’s believable given his character, but here’s the kicker: my heroine won’t sleep with him because he’s promiscuous–she’s no dummy–and he actually gives up other women to have her and keep her. I mean, what are the chances?

So I talked this out with a pal of mine, somebody who’s very savvy about literary convention and respectability, Lani Diane Rich.

“Sam nails everything that moves and then gives it all up for Char,” I told her. “Who’s going to believe that? I’m in so much trouble here.”

“Oh, no, you’re fine,” Lani said. “Char has a Glittery HooHa.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve never heard of the Glittery HooHa?” Lani patted my arm. “Oh, honey.”

I’m going to quote directly now, because nobody explains the origin of the Glittery HooHa like Lani:

Once upon a time, in a land called Television Without Pity, the peasants gathered to discuss a particular type of character on soap operas. She was always blond, always beautiful, and always good-natured and kind, and always stupid beyond the telling of it. Did someone get approached by a masked man wearing dark gloves who needed help getting a puppy out of a wolf trap, only to happily agree to assist and disappear? It was her. Did someone get drunk on her honeymoon, pass out in a strange bed, and wake up only to assume on very little evidence that she’d slept with another man? Then lie about it? Then get caught lying? Then find out it was all a set-up by her evil twin, who had always been evil and had, in fact, done this before? It was her. Did someone get trapped in their own microwave oven?

Guess who?

And yet… there is a man. We’ll call him… Hero. Hero is handsome, he is strong, and… well, yes, okay, he’s kinda dumb, too, but still he manages to rescue her every single time she’s in trouble… which is approximately twice a show. He stays by her side and loves her through thick and thin. He disentangles her hair from the curling iron. He drops his Very Important Job to rush off and rescue her from the cardboard box on the pier where the Villain left her, warning her NOT TO SAY A WORD lest he do BAD BAD THINGS to her favorite hamster, so she kept quiet, even though the Villain was long gone, and many a passerby had passed her by. The Hero is loyal and loving
and doesn’t seem to mind the fact that she is so FREAKIN’ stupid. How can this be??

Well, my friends, it comes down to the power of the Glittery HooHa, or the GHH for short. A woman with an HH as G as this girl merely needs to walk around as glitter falls from her netherparts, leaving a trail for Hero to follow. And once he finds her, it only takes one dip in the GHH to snare him forever, for yea, no matter how many HooHas he might see, never will there be one as Glittery as hers…

I love Lani Diane Rich.

So, the Glittering HooHa or the GHH. Does my girl Char have one?

Char’s a redhead, not a blonde, and she’s a forty-two-year-old professor of Ancient Near Eastern History, so she’s not dumb although she has had her nose buried in her work for over twenty years which probably isn’t the brightest way to plan your life, and she owns a dog not a hamster, and she doesn’t end up in cardboard box on a pier although she does end up in an ancient temple with a pissed-off goddess . . .

“I don’t see it,” I told Lani.

But as she explained further, the GHH is more universal than the dumb blonde, it is, in fact, applicable to the romance heroine in general. “Char definitely has a GHH,” she told me. “Sam’s toast. One dip and he’s done.”

When I thought about it, I realized she was right about the romance heroine. Take J. T. Wilder, the hero of Don’t Look Down. He sleeps with a hot actress his first day in the story, even though he’s already met our heroine, Lucy, but the next day, he feels that something was missing. He can’t put his finger on it (stop snickering) but of course we know now it’s the GHH. Shortly thereafter, he and Lucy get horizontal and by damn, that’s it for J. T. My writing partner, we’ll call him Bob, took awhile to get used to this, probably because I didn’t know about the GHH and couldn’t explain it to him that way. In fact in his first draft of the day-after-Althea scene, J. T. was thinking he’d had a very good time.

“Nope,” I said.

“You’re kidding me,” Bob said. “He had great sex with a hot actress.”

“Yes, but it wasn’t that great,” I said.

“Yes, it was,” he said.

“No,” I said. “It wasn’t.”

“No, it really was.”

“Bob.”

“She’s an actress.”

“Bob.”

“Oh, come on.”

“No.”

So he sighed and wrote in the part about how something had been missing–”Yeah, right,” he said–and saved us from some angry mail although we still got a lot because J. T. dared to sleep with anybody but Lucy in the book. I guess J. T. wasn’t looking at the ground and missed the glitter on that first day.

So now I’m looking at Sam, who is irresistible to women and who in turn sees no point in resisting them, and at Char in her mud brown sweater and sensible shoes, and I’m thinking her GHH better have Super Glitter (which, come to think of it, it does), and that I’m going to have to write the hell out of this because even with a supernatural GHH in front of him, Sam is not going to find fidelity easy.

But at least I have literary convention on my side.

Filed in X (Everything Else)

128 Comments to 'Modern Literary Terms: The Glittery HooHa'

On April 9, 2007 at 11:21 pm Brianna said...

GHH for the win!

Thumb up 1

On April 9, 2007 at 11:22 pm liz said...

oh my god!!! i love the Glittery HooHa!!! and i for one am very glad that something was missing for J.T. when he slept with Althea. i wouldn’t have liked him half as much if he thought it rocked and then slept with Lucy. might have made me consider violence….
anyways, the GHH is hilarious! thanks for brightening up my monday!

Thumb up 2

On April 9, 2007 at 11:43 pm Robbie said...

All hail the Glittery HooHa! Excellent analysis.

Thumb up 2

On April 9, 2007 at 11:44 pm Mary CB (Go ahead. Abbreviate my name. That'll show Ms. McB ;) said...

There’s a sort of symmetry in this concept. The man with the golden … oh all right, gun, meets the woman with the GHH, and there’s stardust in the air.

Thumb up 2

On April 9, 2007 at 11:47 pm Jamie H said...

So definitely a LMAO post! But how does one determine the glitteriness of a HooHa? And how do other men not see the same trail of sparkles so obvious to the Hero?

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 12:04 am roben said...

Hilarious post. The glittery hoo ha. Hah. Knew I was missing something, gonna go buy some glitter an fill me knickers. Seriously though, is it glittery hoo ha’s or pheromones?
Just give the stud muffin a dry spell, even a month is enough to make us believe, and if it’s a self-imposed hiatus more power to him, the heroine will be impressed.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 7:32 am BCB said...

Huh. And all this time I thought those military Hero types who yell “Hoo-aah!” were fighting for things like honor and country. This explains so much.

Hang on. I think I’m having a literary moment.

Thumb up 1

On April 10, 2007 at 8:24 am Barb said...

Oh man… thank you again, Jenny, for the laugh. Still needing it, still appreciating it.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 8:32 am Chris said...

Can’t wait for the next Pop Culture conference where there will be a paper on the Glittering HooHa v. Golden Gun in romance novels.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 8:41 am Laura Vivanco said...

The Smart Bitches called this the heroine’s ‘Magic Hoo Hoo’. I think the glittery Hoo-Ha/Magic Hoo Hoo must also have the magic power to cure the hero of STDs, because however promiscuous he’s been, the heroine never catches one from him.

Thumb up 3

On April 10, 2007 at 8:42 am wendy roberts said...

*snort* Okay … I’m a believer in the GHH.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 8:46 am McB said...

Thanks, Jenny, really need the chuckle this morning. GHH, huh? Forget Sam’s motivation, what’s Char’s for believing him?

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 10:00 am Lani said...

Well, hellooooooo, Argh Inkers. Jenny gave me a heads up that she was unleashing my GHH analysis on the world at large, so I thought I’d stop in and see how y’all were doing. Feel free to ask questions. It is my humble purpose in life to spread The Good News of the Glittery HooHa.

Jamie asked: “But how does one determine the glitteriness of a HooHa? And how do other men not see the same trail of sparkles so obvious to the Hero?”

The Glitteriness of the HooHa is, like beauty, in the eye of the beholder.

The answer to your second question is more complicated. Traditionally, the GHH’s purpose is as a trapping device; in order to fully function as such, it requires the dip. Most men can sense the G in the HH, but until they’ve dipped into it personally, they’re free to go on with their lives as originally planned. The actual glitter is metaphorical. So unless the heroine is out there being a big slut, which significantly reduces the G in her HH and disqualifies her for Good Heroine status in most romance novels and soap operas, then the G is only visible to the man owning the G-dipped HooHoo. (I have decided, after much consternation and discussion and argument with Jenny, that HooHa is the feminine and HooHoo is the masculine and HoHo is a delicious chocolately dessert pastry.)

Also, the G is stronger when the woman who owns the HH is truly smitten. The smittener, the more effective her GHH will be in ensnaring its prey. (Is it just me, or am I beginning to sound a lot like a National Geographic narration?) So, in Char’s case, she does indeed have a supernatural GHH, but for men she’s slept with who she hasn’t loved, the G wasn’t strong enough. She and Sam will have a deep emotional connection – which Sam has never had before, and which will be the “something missing” to draw him closer to Char – and by the time Char allows him access to her GHH, he’s almost toast anyway. And, bonus, Char’s GHH is not attached to a phenomenally stupid woman (on the contrary, Char’s one sharp mama) so Sam’s HEA (Happily Ever After) will be imminently more believable.

Roben wrote: “Knew I was missing something, gonna go buy some glitter an fill me knickers. Seriously though, is it glittery hoo ha’s or pheromones?”

A warning, Roben: The GHH is a philosophical construct, not a literal reality. If you have not filled your knickers with glitter, please refrain from doing so as adding actual glitter to your hooha has not been clinically tested. If you’ve already done it, maybe you’ll want to go see a doctor. Unless it worked, in which case… maybe e-mail me privately. :)

As to whether the GHH comes down to sight (glitter) or smell (pheremones) again, the opportunity for scientific evaluation has been limited, as the concept and the people exhibiting symptoms are entirely fictional. However, when asking my daughter’s SpongeBob SquarePants Magic 8-Ball, these are the answers that came up:

Is it glitter?: Oh, Barnacles, No!
Is it pheremones?: You’ll Sea Soon.

Take from that what you will.

Thumb up 1

On April 10, 2007 at 10:07 am Jenny said...

And thank you Lani Diane Rich for the excellent response which cleared up all those loose ends on the concept of the GHH.

Off to return the glitter I rushed out to buy.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 10:52 am K.L. said...

Someone should have put a warning at the top of this blog about the dangers of reading this at work. Snorting laughter brings unwanted attention, and spewing coffee is bad for the keyboard.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 11:09 am JulieB said...

This goes at the top of all my files in literary criticism! Thank you Lani and Jenny.
Jamie asked if other men were immune to the glitteriness, and I would like to point out that, at least in soap opera constraints, they are not. Which makes the other men do dastardly deeds to the GHH heroine, such as kidnap and brainwash her on a tropical island inhabited by little people, or make her queen of their country in an elaborate ceremony involving a large saphire necklace, oil lamps, silk pillows and processional where the sultan and the GHH heroine ride in one bejewled elephants after she has suffered from anmesia. Of course, this is only to worry the viewer into watching more episodes for the (temporary) HEA.
Caution: This is harder to work in in the constraints of a single novel. If you are writing a serial story, go for it.
Lani, does the constraint for testing the waters work the same way for the hero with the golden gun? If there is another well armed man, is it only after the heroine has been to the firing range that she selects her weapon of choice?

Thumb up 1

On April 10, 2007 at 11:24 am Stressed-Out Cherry said...

I’ve been chuckling behind my computer screen the whole time. My God, this is hilarious. It’s the serious tone that killing me.
Despite that the theory has weight. Smitten/Love+ GHH= HEA. I mean really think about it, for some men they can go years without a serious girlfriend and then all of a sudden their getting married, wanting to have kids after humping everything that walks and looks female. I’ve witnessed it just never had a name to go with it. Gliterry Hoo-Ha. We definitely need shirts witht that on it.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 11:33 am CrankyOtter said...

I heard a comedian the other day describe glitter as “the herpes of the craft table because once you use it, be prepared to live with it forever.” As it applies to a GHH… it could be a really bad reference due to the STD reference, but really, it’s about how once you get that glitter on you, it will never, never completely go away, which really works for the GHH/GG HEA.

Anyhow, thanks for a fun thread. And letting me know that there’s a spongebob magic 8 ball.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 12:07 pm Lani said...

Julie B asked: “Lani, does the constraint for testing the waters work the same way for the hero with the golden gun? If there is another well armed man, is it only after the heroine has been to the firing range that she selects her weapon of choice?”

To keep the terminology of the theory consistent, I like to refer to the Golden Gun as the Magic HooHoo (in some circles, I believe it’s also known as the Zippity Doo-Da), but to the best of my understanding it’s pretty much the same thing – a boys’ version of the GHH.

Pardon me if I’m not correctly extending your metaphor (no pun intended) (okay, pun a little intended) but I think what you’re asking is – if the heroine has the grand fortune to have at her disposal two men with Magic HooHoos, must she sample both before knowing which one is, uh, magical… er? Actually, I’m not sure if that’s your question at all. I got lost at the firing range. Regardless, my answer is: I’m really not sure.

Here’s the thing about merely swapping the roles that doesn’t translate – the power of the GHH (or the MHH) is directly proportional to how badly the hero (or the heroine) wants it. If I allow myself to ignore my discomfort with broad, sweeping stereotypes, I have to say that the hero’s greatest desire is to get a dip into the GHH, whereas the heroine really wants to get a glimpse into the hero’s soul. So, any one Magic HooHoo can only be so magical; the hero has only truly ensnared the heroine once he’s allowed her access to the most intimate workings of his heart. Which, unfortunately, doesn’t as yet have a term as hilariously infectious as GHH/MHH.

(Side note: I don’t mean “infectious” literally. If that were the case, we’d be discussing the Spotted HooHa, and I’m pretty sure Jenny’s already disgusted at where I’ve taken this, so… maybe let’s just stop here.)

Thumb up 1

On April 10, 2007 at 12:11 pm Lani said...

Stressed-Out Cherry said:
“I’ve been chuckling behind my computer screen the whole time. My God, this is hilarious. It’s the serious tone that killing me.”

You know, I’ll admit. When I started out, I was kidding. But now you guys are asking me questions, and I’m discovering that the Glittery HooHa is kinda holding water. Cool.

Someday, it’s my goal to present the theory at an academic conference. Wish me luck, especially since I’m mostly full of ****.

CrankyOtter wrote:
“Anyhow, thanks for a fun thread. And letting me know that there’s a spongebob magic 8 ball.”

It came with the kids meals at Burger King. I’m not a cook.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 12:22 pm Bill Peschel said...

Well, that explains why I still think fondly of the woman who dumped me too many decades ago, despite being happily married for nigh on 14 years. She must’ve had one of those glittery thangs.

“But how does one determine the glitteriness of a HooHa? And how do other men not see the same trail of sparkles so obvious to the Hero?”

In this case, despite being a redhead, she’s been buried in her work for quite a long time. The dust of ancient diggings have dimmed her lights, and her need for sturdy work shirts and denims (loose, of course), makes her quite drab. Which makes her Revelation in bed (and trapping the hero) all the more realistic.

Watching her in her work duds, knowing what’s going on underneath, should be quite enough to keep him happy for a long while. It’s the thrill of knowing a secret that other men can’t grasp. The fools!

In the soap opera world, what makes this work for the villains is that they, too, are ensnared by the magic of the glittery HH, but they can’t have it! She’s the magic cheesecake of love, eternally beyond their grasp. No wonder they’re villains!

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 12:46 pm me said...

Oh my Bob, LMAO. I LOVE the relationship between HooHa, HooHoo, and HoHo.

If you do present a paper on this, I want to be at that conference.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 12:53 pm Bob said...

huh?

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 1:18 pm Louis said...

LMAO

I don’t know…maybe TMI for a male to concept.

Yep.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 1:24 pm ZaZa said...

Lani! Write this up over on the Romance Wiki! Before you know it, you’ll be fielding requests for scholarly papers and journal articles. Serious about the Wiki thing, though.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 1:29 pm KLC said...

Has anyone considered the potential existence of the HaHa? And, that being established how it might relate to the HooHa, the HooHoo, and the HoHo?

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 1:29 pm KLC said...

It dawns on me after I’ve hit send what the obvious answer to that is.

Thumb up 1

On April 10, 2007 at 3:01 pm roben said...

Dang! Too late, Lani! Just got back from walking the dog and now I can’t get the glitter off me sneakers. Aargh!

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 3:04 pm Trish said...

Hysterical! You two must write something on this. You made my day! My eyes are watering because I tried taking a sip of Diet Coke while reading this post. Bad idea!

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 3:21 pm Office Wench Cherry said...

Jenny said “So now I’m looking at Sam, who is irresistible to women and who in turn sees no point in resisting them, and at Char in her mud brown sweater and sensible shoes, and I’m thinking her GHH better have Super Glitter (which, come to think of it, it does), and that I’m going to have to write the hell out of this because even with a supernatural GHH in front of him, Sam is not going to find fidelity easy.”

IMHO, the transition from banging everything with two X chromosomes to faithful to one woman shouldn’t be effortless at first. We need to see that he’s giving up something he likes (gratuitous, meaningless strange hooha every night) to get something better (the love and respect and hooha of a woman he really cares about).

Everyone who is faithful to their spouse/partner gives up all other hooha or hoohoo (no matter how glittery the strange one might appear) because the allure of the strange glitter isn’t worth losing what has been created with their partner.

It could be a painful realization for Sam that while the woman throwing herself at him might be a real good time, he doesn’t want her as much as he wants Char. Kinda like being on a diet and craving ice cream – you could convince yourself that you can’t live without a double scoop but you’d feel like crap afterward because you knew that it wasn’t what you really wanted, it was what you thought you wanted because it’s what you’ve always had. Or, you could bite the bullet, have the equally delicious frozen grapes and know that you did the right thing. After a while, you look at the ice cream and see nothing but fat, calories and an upset stomach because you’re lactose intolerant and grab the grapes without even missing the ice cream.

I just thought of something. Char is a Crusie heroine, she’s going to be fabulous and everyone will understand why Sam gives up every other woman in the world for her. Jenny, you have nothing to worry about.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 3:22 pm Susan D said...

LSHMTPO (or it would have if I weren’t post-menopausal).

So, do men know about this, or is it a Girls Only Secret?

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 4:05 pm Jenny said...

I was okay with the Spotted HooHa.
It was when the GHH started holding water that Lani lost me.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 4:06 pm Louis said...

Yes, I just read about it.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 4:16 pm Bryan said...

Susan D,

I’m in on the secret as well. I think Louis and I are the only male regulars here, but you never know who is lurking in the dark.

Oh, that’s Bob.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 4:31 pm Jenny said...

Clearly Bryan, Louis, and Bill understand the secret, but Bob appears to still be confused. Probably waiting for pictures and diagrams.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 4:38 pm Bryan said...

Oops, sorry Bill. Didn’t mean to leave you out. You musta been hiding in the dark. You know, in the darkness there is… Bob.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 5:56 pm GatorPerson said...

I think the previously glittery HH person metaphorically loses her glitter when someone like Char shows up around Sam.

Is it too much to ask, Lani, to do the declensions for HooHa and HooHoo? I already know how to avoid declining HoHo. Spotted? Oh, deary me!

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 6:12 pm orangehands said...

here, Lani, i’ll help spread the word. i’m in Female Physiology right now. i’ll make sure all 500 of my classmates understand the GHH.

my friend keeps elbowing me. apparently the vagina is no laughing matter. shows what she knows.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 6:48 pm JulieB said...

Thank you Lani, you did answer my mixed-up question.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 7:14 pm Lani said...

Bill Peschel wrote:
“Well, that explains why I still think fondly of the woman who dumped me too many decades ago, despite being happily married for nigh on 14 years. She must’ve had one of those glittery thangs.”

My sympathies, Bill. It is very powerful, the GHH. At least now you know what it is. Understanding is half the battle. The other half is penicillin.

me (Not me-Lani, but me-me, who is not me) wrote:
“If you do present a paper on this, I want to be at that conference.”

Heh. Me, too. (That’s Lani-me. Not you-me. Yeesh. I’m so confused.)

Bob wrote:
“huh?”

Okay, Bob, let’s start at the beginning. Once upon a time…

Louis wrote:
“LMAO

I don’t know…maybe TMI for a male to concept.

Yep.”

Nope. If your A is L’d O, then I think you get it. Go, you!

ZaZa wrote:
“Lani! Write this up over on the Romance Wiki! Before you know it, you’ll be fielding requests for scholarly papers and journal articles. Serious about the Wiki thing, though.”

Really? They accept this kind of stuff over there? Pardon me whilst I bookmark…

KLC wrote:
“Has anyone considered the potential existence of the HaHa? And, that being established how it might relate to the HooHa, the HooHoo, and the HoHo?”

The HaHa is a tiny thing so potentially harmful to the male ego that we try not to talk about it directly.

KLC amended:
“It dawns on me after I’ve hit send what the obvious answer to that is.”

Glad to see we’re on the same wavelength, KLC. Better news for me than you, though, I’m afraid.

roben wrote:
“Dang! Too late, Lani! Just got back from walking the dog and now I can’t get the glitter off me sneakers. Aargh!”

I did what I could for you, Roben. The rest is between you, your God and your OBGYN.

Jenny wrote:
“I was okay with the Spotted HooHa.
It was when the GHH started holding water that Lani lost me.”

Yeah. I tend to do that.

“Clearly Bryan, Louis, and Bill understand the secret, but Bob appears to still be confused. Probably waiting for pictures and diagrams.”

I’m working on it. He won’t give me his mailing address and home phone number, though. I don’t understand why not. I mean, I’m just trying to educate the guy. Yeesh.

GatorPerson wrote:
“Is it too much to ask, Lani, to do the declensions for HooHa and HooHoo? I already know how to avoid declining HoHo. Spotted? Oh, deary me!”

I’m sorry. I didn’t mistakenly give you the impression that I was remotely academic, did I? My bad. Totally faking it. What I mean to say is… what are declensions? Please use small words.

orangehands wrote:
“here, Lani, i’ll help spread the word. i’m in Female Physiology right now. i’ll make sure all 500 of my classmates understand the GHH.”

Oh, do! I think the guys especially will really appreciate it. I’d run if anyone starts handing out mirrors, though…

“my friend keeps elbowing me. apparently the vagina is no laughing matter. shows what she knows.”

Dude. Totally. As evidenced quite clearly by this post, vaginas are very much a laughing matter.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 7:20 pm Jane said...

How come no one talks about the Golden Rod? How every heroine is smited by one swive with the Golden Rod? How she never yearns, not even one minute, for another despite the fact that the Golden Rod might have spent time dipping itself indiscriminately in thousands of honey pots not even 24 hours before finding its divine way to the heroine? The Golden Rod is so powerful, it makes a girl forget her friends, her morals, her backbone, her self respect but she still smiles in the morning.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 7:24 pm Jenny said...

Actually, I think technically the GHH is the vulva. Although I could be wrong. No, according to the Wiktionary, “Calling the vulva the vagina is rather like calling the mouth the throat.”

DON’T EVEN GO THERE, PEOPLE.

Next year in San Francisco, Rich. The Popular Culture Conference. I’ll hold your coat while you deliver the paper.

In the interests of full disclosure, Lani Diane Rich is also the person I googled ugly dogs with in NYC. Which come to think of it, was also helping with the Fun Book. I should give her co-author credit.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 7:39 pm Jenny said...

I think the Golden Rod is the same thing as the Glittery Hoo Hoo, although Lani will have to make the call. I think it’s also filed in the same place as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Fiction, folks. We’re talking literary terms here, not human biology.

Of course, I’m pretty sure Google has already marked Argh as a porn site by now, so the protest of literary criticism may be falling on deaf robot ears.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 7:45 pm Lani said...

You know, raised as I was, daughter to one preacher and granddaughter to another, I’m giving myself full credit for even being able to say “vagina.” So Wiktionary can just deal. I’m evolving here.

Crusie, I’ll tell you – if the Popular Culture Conference will have me, I’ll deliver that paper. Just as long as no one asks me about declensions, or anything remotely academic. And they don’t expect me to actually know what I’m talking about. Actually, if they’d just let me present at the bar, that would be cool. Think they’ll do that? I do really well when my audience has been drinking, especially if it’s hard liquor.

As for co-author credit, I’m way ahead of you. My people will be calling your people. I mean, they would, if I had people. Actually, you’re my people. So… call yourself and let me know how that goes.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 7:58 pm Lani said...

re: Golden Rod. I believe my college roommate took that once when she was trying to pass a urine test. Hmmm…

Anyway, Jane, if you’ll scroll up a bit in the comments, we did address the Golden Rod, aka Golden Gun, aka Zippity Doo-Da, aka (and this is my preference) the Magic HooHoo. To be honest, I haven’t really thought about it much, as is evidenced in abundance by my answers here. I’d welcome any commentary (from all of you, hop in, the water’s glittery) because if the opportunity to present a paper presents itself, you know I’ll have to do it. I mean, presenting an academic paper on Glittery Hoo-Has is every little girl’s dream all twisted up and bent sideways. :) How could I possibly pass that up?

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 7:59 pm Jenny said...

There must be somewhere you could get academic citations for the GHH. Well, there’s TwoP, of course. And you could cite primary sources (that’s romance novels). We could Google “Glittery HooHa” to see if any other work has been done on it before I try to remember what that search engine is for academic studies that I haven’t looked at since 1991.

We need the Mysterious Laura in here. She can find info on anything.

Or perhaps you’re just doing the groundbreaking study. YES, that’s it, you, Lani Diane Rich, will carry the Glittery HooHa into halls of academia.

It’s only a matter of time before the Holman Handbook includes it and there’s a Dewey Decimal for it. And perhaps a Norton Anthology or at least a Critical Edition of Madame Bovary with your paper in the back . . .

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 8:21 pm Eileen said...

If she’s been focused on work for 20 years that means a lot of glitter has backed up in the hooha. She’s a viritual glitter explosion waiting to happen. You could see where that would get to a guy.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 9:04 pm Laura Vivanco said...

I think I can confidently say that up till now there has been no research done on glittery body parts belonging to romance heroes or heroines.

Oh, when I mentioned that the glittery HooHa can cure STDs, I forgot to mention that the glittery HooHoo cures infertility. This is how so many previously infertile romance heroines suddenly produce children in time for the epilogue. And there’s even some research which may back this up:

Handsome men may have better semen, a study suggests.

Researchers in Spain have found that men who are regarded as attractive by women are also more fertile.

Their sperm move faster and are generally healthier. (BBC)

Of course, what they should really be measuring is the amount of glitter coming from the HooHoo, but maybe they got a bit confused. Probably dazzled by the glitter.

There’s also some research which explains why romance heroines have to be so beautiful:

Only attractive, feminine women did not vary preference over the menstrual cycle, possibly because they may find it easier to establish a long-term relationship with men with deep voices, indicative of high levels of testosterone.

Dr Feinberg continued: “Women’s preferences for masculine voices change over the menstrual cycle: women prefer masculine voices more when fertile. But, the menstrual cycle does not affect every woman’s preferences equally. While we normally think that masculine men are more out for one- night stands than marriage, our research suggests that highly attractive and feminine women can get these masculine men to look for commitment.” (University of St Andrews)

When they say ‘highly attractive and feminine women’ what they mean is ‘women with very glittery HooHas’, and when they say ‘masculine men’ they mean ‘rake/bad-boy heroes who can only be tamed by the power of a glittery HooHa’.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 9:16 pm wendy roberts said...

I want to be in the audience, with popcorn, when you two take this on the road LOL. Oh and for guys like Bob, you may want a slide presentation … and blow up the glitter or something.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 9:27 pm BCB said...

Lani opined: “presenting an academic paper on Glittery Hoo-Has is every little girl’s dream all twisted up and bent sideways.”

Well if you’re going to get kinky, I want to listen to that presentation too.

FYI, it was decided by the CB’s (most of us, anyway) that Latin declensions were best handled thusly: No, thank you, I’ve had quite enough.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 9:49 pm Lani said...

Jenny wrote:
“Or perhaps you’re just doing the groundbreaking study. YES, that’s it, you, Lani Diane Rich, will carry the Glittery HooHa into halls of academia.”

And really, who better? I mean, if I’m going to be famous for anything, the GHH is exactly what I’d want to be famous for. Do they give out Nobel prizes for that sort of thing? Am I getting ahead of myself?

wendy roberts wrote:
“I want to be in the audience, with popcorn, when you two take this on the road LOL.”

Popcorn’s good, but I’d also recommend a flask.

BCB wrote:
“Well if you’re going to get kinky, I want to listen to that presentation too.”

We’ll save you a seat in the front row.

“FYI, it was decided by the CB’s (most of us, anyway) that Latin declensions were best handled thusly: No, thank you, I’ve had quite enough.”

Sadly, I don’t even know what declensions are. I’m kind of your blue-collar academic. I see “declensions” and I think “de-clench” which has connotations I’d wager were unintended by GatorPerson when she originally brought it up.

And once again, there’s no level to which I will not drag down Argh Ink. Well, it’s Jenny’s own fault. She knew exactly what she was getting into when she included me in her blog. :)

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 10:25 pm GatorPerson said...

How about if Bob did a spreadsheet on the declensions?

Thumb up 1

On April 10, 2007 at 10:26 pm BCB said...

LOL! OK, watch me screw this up. No wait, I’ll look it up instead.

Here: “the process by which some sets of nouns, adjectives, and pronouns vary in form to show gender, number, or grammatical case”

Declension, as in to decline (to show various forms).

I believe we were declining that other word for HooHoo (no, I don’t know Jenny well enough to use it here. sorry.). In Latin. Yep, we’re a strange bunch. Bet you knew that.

They had to explain it to me, too. Sigh. So I decided the best way to decline words in Latin was to do so politely.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 10:38 pm Jenny A said...

This is so fabulous I hate to be really serious, but years ago I was told by a psychologist about the ‘magic p****’ (could I use that word here if we’re x-rated now?) aka the GHH.

So it’s not just literary.

Wow.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 10:39 pm Jenny A said...

If you believe psychiatrists, of course.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 11:00 pm Jenny said...

I knew Laura would come through for us.

You know, I see an entire panel on this alone. The next Pop Culture conference is a year away. Imagine the research that we could do by then. Lani, Laura, me, and Jenny’s psychologist. Bob can moderate. With his head in a paper bag so he has plausible deniability.

Thumb up 0

On April 10, 2007 at 11:25 pm roben said...

Laura, Laura, Laura. Priceless. And yay for St. Andrews.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 8:55 am Victoria said...

I’m almost sorry to bring this back on topic, the asides have me rolling. (I want to attend the Pop Culture conference where the panel discussion takes place, Bob in a bag and all. I don’t have a hip flask, but I do have a thermos. We can set up a mini-bar in the back of the room.)

Does the GHH have less glitter if the woman is aware she has a GHH?

This question applies both before and after the Hero picks up the glitter trail and begins his pursuit in earnest.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 8:59 am McB said...

Ah yes the CBs did indeed discuss the declension of the hoohoo in Latin. Of course we didn’t know at the time what the technical term for it was.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 9:15 am Egads said...

Jenny wrote:
“Or perhaps you’re just doing the groundbreaking study.”

I believe that should read “seminal” (to sound more academic, right?).

Thumb up 2

On April 11, 2007 at 9:43 am JulieB said...

Hi Victoria,

Well, I think in today’s culture, the woman is often, if not usually, unaware of the glitteriness (Is that a word?) factor. So, yes.

So, Bridget Jones? She has no clue. Her underpants are too big for her to see it anyway.

Many of Jenny’s characters have no clue too, since they are preoccupied with other pursuits anyway; Lucy is focused on her family and movie problems, Scarlet is focused on the paintings. Min is still stinging from her David experience and her view of the bet. Nina, Nell, and Suze are all probably blind to any glitter they have because of their marriages and breakups.

The only character that I can think of off the bat that is even concerned about her glitter would be Scarlet O’Hara. But I don’t think it works for her, at least in the way she plans. I haven’t read that book since junior high though, and it’s probably been that long since I saw the movie too, so I may be forgetting an important factor. But I think her story might not fit the Glittery HooHa premise anyway. . .

But, she knows of and tries to use the glitter to gain her means, and it just messes her up. Actually, why people think this story is a romance instead of a morality play confuses me now.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 9:49 am BCB said...

MCB wrote: “Ah yes the CBs did indeed discuss the declension of the hoohoo in Latin. Of course we didn’t know at the time what the technical term for it was.”

If we’d known about the glitter factor there might have been less declining and more reclining.

So what is the proper way to decline HooHoo? Probably not WooHoo. Maybe HoHum?

Where is Tigress when we need her?

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 10:06 am Laura Vivanco said...

‘Does the GHH have less glitter if the woman is aware she has a GHH?’

Arrogance about the glitteryness of one’s GHH is not an admirable trait in a heroine, and in romance novels it’s a characteristic most likely to be found in the ‘other women’/the hero’s evil mistress. A true heroine is often unaware of her glitter to begin with but it’s there nonetheless, and she becomes increasingly glittery as she realises (a) that she has a GHH and (b) what its effect is on the hero. Note that, as Lani said, while a GHH may make her attractive to many men, it is particularly irresistible to the hero.

The Glitteriness of the HooHa is, like beauty, in the eye of the beholder.

Also, the G is stronger when the woman who owns the HH is truly smitten. The smittener, the more effective her GHH will be in ensnaring its prey.

The moment when the heroine realises how glittery her GHH is is sometimes referred to euphemistically in romances, for example when the heroine finally realises that that ‘gleam’ in the hero’s eyes that she has seen so often and not understood is, in fact, a sign that he finds her irresistible. Note the use of the word ‘gleam’: it’s a coded reference to the glitter of the GHH.

Again, this is confirmed by research, this time from the University of Liverpool:

Women who considered themselves highly attractive were more willing to take a risk with a highly testosterone-charged male, and were less likely to fear such a man straying. (BBC)

What they meant was that the more aware a woman is of the glittery power of her GHH, the more likely she is to take a risk and accept that a rake/bad-boy romance hero is her soul-mate, tamed by the power of her GHH.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 10:25 am Jenny said...

This is why I love Laura.

I had completely missed the significance of the gleam in the eye, but my God, it’s right there on the page. Genius.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 10:25 am K.L. said...

This post and all its comments will go down in history as the best post EVER. I must find a way to permanently book mark it. It clarifies everything I ever wondered about. Which just goes to show what I think about every day.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 10:57 am Lani said...

Okay, about Laura, all I have to say is WOW. Just WOW. Amazing stuff. I find it fascinating that what started out as essentially a joke about fictional theory can be supported with citations of real-life research. This is fabulous!

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 11:04 am Laura Vivanco said...

So what is the proper way to decline HooHoo?

I don’t know. But with a bit of help from Latin for Dummies and my old Latin dictionary, I think I’ve finally worked out how to decline ‘HooHa’:

HooHa – Nominative (we learn the names of hero and heroine)

HooHam – Accusative (they get into a fight – the I hate you but I love your GHH plot)

HooHae – Genitive (the hero really, really loves the GHH)

HooHa – Ablative (they finally talk to each other* and sort out any Big Misunderstandings)

HooHae – Dative (they set a date for the wedding)

* I’m going on the vaguest similarity between ‘ablative’ and ‘hablar’, which is Spanish for ‘to talk’.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 11:22 am Laura Vivanco said...

I find it fascinating that what started out as essentially a joke about fictional theory can be supported with citations of real-life research. This is fabulous!

Thanks Lani. I did a blog post about metaphorical medicine in romance in romance not so long ago.

I think we can joke about the glittery HooHa, because the way it works in romance is often so completely over the top and exaggerated. But still, there may well be a scientific basis to some of the phenomena described by romance authors. That said, I’m looking at this from the point of view of a literary scholar/medievalist, and although I’m interested in science, I don’t have a strong scientific background, so my opinions on science should probably be taken with a pinch of salt and glitter.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 11:31 am Jenny said...

Actually, I did a lot of psych and soc research back when I was working on my diss (the one I never finished).

One of the theory’s was John Money’s Love Map, which he described as thousands of sensory impressions of pain and pleasure experienced before the age of six, mostly unconscious. The strength of attraction someone felt was based on the number of hits the other person made on that personal subconscious love map.

If you think of a map lighting up every time something the other person evokes one of those thousands of impressions, you get glitter.

I have more, but basically, this damn theory holds up under a lot of scrutiny. I think there’s actually a paper here.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 11:31 am Jenny said...

Oh, and the declensions? Brilliant.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 12:03 pm Laura Vivanco said...

Getting back to the metaphorical, we could also take a look at the role of other glittery/shiny objects in romance. Mistresses (who have moderately glittery HooHas) are often paid off with necklaces. But it’s the heroine who gets the most valuable jewellery. And if you think about the shape and position of the engagement ring, it’s particularly significant.

Seeing as this is Jenny’s blog, think about the shape of a Krispy Creme and where Min puts it in that scene at the end of Bet Me. Then think about the fact that ‘Cal bought Min an engagement ring made of six perfect diamonds set in a circle. It looks nothing like a Krispy Kreme, but Min knows’ (391). Traditionally, the man asks for (and gets) the woman’s hand in marriage. So in this particular context how about if we think of the hand as representing the man, the index finger as representing his HooHoo, and the glittery engagement ring as representing her GHH, which has tamed him and made him want to be married. The engagement ring and its placing thus symbolise the permanent joining of the two in a lasting relationship.

We could also get a tiny bit Biblical about this. Jenny dedicated Bet Me to Monica Pradhan McLean ‘Because her price is above rubies [...] And because every book she writes is a diamond’. That’s an allusion to Proverbs 31:10, ‘Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies’. She may be equally glittery.

‘Glitter’ is obviously something that humans like and have valued for a long time. Rubies, diamonds and other precious stones don’t serve much purpose other than to look nice (well, you can use diamonds for industrial purposes, but most people don’t). You don’t have to take the ‘glitter’ literally. It can be a metaphor which describes something attractive, something that people think is valuable, something they’ll invest in. Not everyone would be able to spot an uncut diamond, but some people can, and they can then bring out the shine. Makeovers (particularly for the heroine), and the ‘diamond in the rough’ are not uncommon in romance. Similarly, some people can see the attraction in a particular person, and being loved and made to feel attractive wil then make that person ‘shine’ or ‘glow’ with happiness.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 12:14 pm Phyllis said...

Jenny wrote: “Next year in San Francisco, Rich. The Popular Culture Conference. I’ll hold your coat while you deliver the paper.”

You might do netter to keep the getaway car warmed up out in the alley ;)

Definitely get some quotes from the Smart Bitches about their Magic Hoohoo theory. They use Hoohoo for Hooha, so it’s essentially a declension of GHH (which I decline to decline).

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 12:29 pm Jenny said...

The glittery engagement ring as a symbol of the GHH? You always know a theory is solid when you look at it and think, “Of COURSE.”

Laura, you need to write this paper.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 12:37 pm Victoria said...

Julie B.
Well, I think in today’s culture, the woman is often, if not usually, unaware of the glitteriness (Is that a word?) factor. So, yes.

I’ll accept “glitteriness” as a word. Which would mean, in my version of English, that the study of this topic would make us “glitterata” or “romance glitterata.”

Laura V.
Arrogance about the glitteryness of one’s GHH is not an admirable trait in a heroine, and in romance novels it’s a characteristic most likely to be found in the ‘other women’/the hero’s evil mistress. A true heroine is often unaware of her glitter to begin with but it’s there nonetheless, and she becomes increasingly glittery as she realises (a) that she has a GHH and (b) what its effect is on the hero. Note that, as Lani said, while a GHH may make her attractive to many men, it is particularly irresistible to the hero.

So what you’re saying is personal awarness of one’s own glitteriness (or glitter factor) is allowed. However, that self-awareness pre-selects the GHH for anti-heroine status if she doesn’t use the G and the HH solely for the hero’s sake and satisfaction?

I know there are stories of bad-boys-done-good with the help of GHH. Are there any stories of “bad-girls-done-good” involving GHH?

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 12:38 pm Chris said...

You know this is getting close to achieving the same classic status as some of last year’s HW,SW comments threads….

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 1:12 pm McB said...

The expression “all that glitters is not gold” comes to mind. That is to say, the hero could initially find himself chasing the sparkle only to find as he matures, and eventually meets the heroine, that a flashier GHH doesn’t always mean its more valuable.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 1:32 pm GatorPerson said...

McB beat me to the quote. I’m wondering if the “other” women have fool’s gold glitter, not true gold glitter. Perhaps Scarlett had only fool’s gold glitter. The “other” women desparately want to turn fool’s gold into the real gold glitter, but alchemy just doesn’t work, even in romance novels.

Thank you, Laura, for the declension of singular HooHoo. I think we probably don’t need the plural, since by definition there can never plural HooHae in the hero’s eyes. And definitely not HooHi. That would definitely be another story.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 2:50 pm Jenny said...

I’m thinking the other woman just has a HooHa, not a Glittery one. It strikes me that men in general don’t need glitter to follow a HooHa around, it’s enough that it’s a HooHa, but it’s the Glitter that makes them stick to one forever, forsaking all others. So to speak.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 3:36 pm Andi said...

The GHH reminded me of the “go west, young man” conversation in What the Lady Wants. After Mae, the west was won, California was discovered, there was no more gold in them thar hills, so to speak.

I’m all good with both the Hero and Heroine having a life prior to eachother. Especially grown-ups. And men liking a variety of hooha is not unusual. They can even have great, sweaty experiences with any number(Bob I’m sure would love this line of thinking), but it is the subtle, quiet, click into place, with the Glitter HooHaa that seals the deal. The holy cr@# realization that, “I didn’t even know I was looking for this” in the quiet time after the discovery of the GHH. That is the draw.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 4:03 pm ZaZa said...

Oooh, so much good stuff!

Lani said…
“…presenting an academic paper on Glittery Hoo-Has is every little girl’s dream all twisted up and bent sideways.”
Oh, Lord. I think I may have hurt myself laughing over that one. Funny how that happens to little girl dreams and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing either.

Eileen said…
“If she’s been focused on work for 20 years that means a lot of glitter has backed up in the hooha. She’s a viritual glitter explosion waiting to happen. You could see where that would get to a guy.”
Now, see, that’s why I’ve always been fascinated, in an appalled sort of way, by uber geeky guys. One day, they will look up from whatever’s been occupying their complete attention for who knows how many years, and the first GHH they see is going to reap the rewards of all that pent up guy glitter. And it doesn’t really matter what kind of jerk he is. All. That. Glitter. Someone please slap me.

Am I right, the Pop Culture Conference and RWA Nationals are both in SF next year??? I have to, no matter what, have to get to them, both. Lani, you promised in front of who knows how many folks, so, see you there Chica. Pop Culture, Baby!

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 4:11 pm Morrigan said...

http://dionnegalace.com/wordpress/2007/04/10/the-magic-va-jay-jay-variety-hour-by-dorie-graham/#comments

Just in the interest of cross posting. This usage may be a regional variation.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 4:20 pm Marcia in OK said...

THREE DEGREES OF SEPARATION FROM THE GLITTERY HOOHA

OK – I’m a CB and a regular reader of all things Jenny and all things Jenny says to read.

Anyway, I’ve been keeping up with the important GHH discussion here at Aargh Inc. I left Aargh, and moved on to my other regular blog stops. Yesterday, Bob posted a snarky “Jenny’s been cheating again” blog where he threatened to take up with Suz Brockmann about military guys. Then, later I was reading a book excerpt by Cindy Gerard – her series is about military guys.

In the Gerard excerpt was a marine’s “Hooyah”. . . which I of course read as HooHa . . . and I lost it totally. Three jumps and I’m back to the Glittery Hooha.

No more work for me today!

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 4:27 pm K.L. said...

At this point, I am totally convinced that the “Hooyah” and other similar yells are actually a derivative of HooHa. It totally makes sense that they are yelling about their favorite female body part.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 4:40 pm Lani said...

Victoria wrote:
“I’ll accept “glitteriness” as a word. Which would mean, in my version of English, that the study of this topic would make us “glitterata” or “romance glitterata.”

We’re the glitterati.

“So what you’re saying is personal awarness of one’s own glitteriness (or glitter factor) is allowed. However, that self-awareness pre-selects the GHH for anti-heroine status if she doesn’t use the G and the HH solely for the hero’s sake and satisfaction?”

In a fictional story, I think the G in the HH can only be seen by the One True. The glitter is in the eye of the beholder. To the owner of the GHH, her HH wouldn’t be G. Kinda like how breasts hold so much fascination for the men in our lives, and to us they mostly just make it difficult to sleep on our stomachs.

ZaZa wrote
“Am I right, the Pop Culture Conference and RWA Nationals are both in SF next year??? I have to, no matter what, have to get to them, both. Lani, you promised in front of who knows how many folks, so, see you there Chica. Pop Culture, Baby!”

You know, I would really love to, but I don’t think it’s something I’ll be able to do next year. I will be in SF for the RWA conference, though, and might see if I can fit the GHH into some kind of craft workshop, but I can’t do the Pop Culture conference. Not next year, anyway. And I think Laura would do a far better job at something like that, anyway. I’d love to hear her present this theory. It’d be fab!

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 6:09 pm Bryan said...

From the male perspective, this theory seems to hold… seems valid.

I’ve known shiny HH, pretty HH, kind HH. I’ve also known crazy and psychotic HH. But the GHH has, as yet, not made itself known to me. I know that the GHH is out there. I’ve had friends who’ve known more HH than I succumb to the one GHH and live HEA. Ah, well, someday my GHH will come. Wait… no, don’t go there.

Thumb up 1

On April 11, 2007 at 6:30 pm ZaZa said...

Aw, Lani. Well, if you can’t work it into Nationals officially, we can do an unofficial get together where you can regale us while we imbibe spirtuous liquids and have a really great time.

I’ve just been doing CafePress stuff for the CBs, and I really, really think you’ve gotta do a Glittery Hooha shop. Just think of all the fun stuff, and we could easily identify each other by our GHH apparel.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 6:54 pm roben said...

If you look at the fable of Skeleton Woman (Women Who Run With the Wolves/Pinkola Estes)it seems to me, the hero has to become involved, on a subcsious level, with the Heroine before he can recognize the GHH. Otherwise it is just HH, which in his book is perfectly fine.

In the fable, the minute he begins to untangle the bones of skeleton woman, to feel some empathy for her situation, to feel the need to “put her back into her rightful shape” then cover her poor bones with a pelt, he has begun to connect at some deep psychological level.

So if our hero recognizes our heroines struggle/strength/intelligence (whatever)he bonds even more. Even if she annoys him, or is not at all his usual type, or is an encumberance, he becomes simultaneously resistant yet drawn to her. He wants to know her.

He may try to deny the gleam in his eye and think it is just desire for HH but the connection becomes real and glittery once they have sex because a bond had already begun to form from some subconscious need. My theory is the HH can only become GHH when there is an emotional connection, and that it’s the hero’s desire and his pursuit of the heroine that makes the HH shine. *wink*

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 7:26 pm McB said...

Hmmm. Maybe it works like polarity? Hoos and Haas just sort of bounce around until they find their opposite number, trip the right wires and the Hallelujah Chorus starts?

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 7:41 pm BCB said...

I keep having these random thoughts:

I’m so glad my DD outgrew the glitter lotion and glitter nail polish stage. The less she knows about glitter, the easier I’ll sleep at night.

And if Horton heard a Hoo, what did it sound like and what did it say? Was it glittery? Something has got to explain all that egg-sitting.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 7:47 pm Jenny said...

Sure. Aristophanes’ tale from Plato’s Symposium:

“The sexes were originally three, men, women, and the union of the two; and they were made round–having four hands, four feet, two faces on a round neck, and the rest to correspond. Terrible was their strength and swiftness; and they were essaying to scale heaven and attack the gods. Doubt reigned in the celestial councils; the gods were divided between the desire of quelling the pride of man and the fear of losing the sacrifices. At last Zeus hit upon an expedient. Let us cut them in two, he said; then they will only have half their strength, and we shall have twice as many sacrifices. He spake, and split them as you might split an egg with an hair; and when this was done, he told Apollo to give their faces a twist and re-arrange their persons, taking out the wrinkles and tying the skin in a knot about the navel. The two halves went about looking for one another, and were ready to die of hunger in one another’s arms. Then Zeus invented an adjustment of the sexes, which enabled them to marry and go their way to the business of life. Now the characters of men differ accordingly as they are derived from the original man or the original woman, or the original man-woman. Those who come from the man-woman are lascivious and adulterous; those who come from the woman form female attachments; those who are a section of the male follow the male and embrace him, and in him all their desires centre. The pair are inseparable and live together in pure and manly affection; yet they cannot tell what they want of one another. But if Hephaestus were to come to them with his instruments and propose that they should be melted into one and remain one here and hereafter, they would acknowledge that this was the very expression of their want. For love is the desire of the whole, and the pursuit of the whole is called love.”

So the GHH is the recognition of the original Other Half.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 7:47 pm McB said...

… and an elephant’s faithful one hundred percent

You may have something there, BCB.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 8:46 pm Lani said...

Jenny quoted:
“For love is the desire of the whole, and the pursuit of the whole is called love.”

Ooooh. Good myth.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 9:01 pm Laura Vivanco said...

Those who come from the man-woman are lascivious and adulterous; those who come from the woman form female attachments; those who are a section of the male follow the male and embrace him, and in him all their desires centre. The pair are inseparable and live together in pure and manly affection

I wonder what the ‘one woman, one man’ romance people would make of that? And it does seem to imply that Glittery HooHas really only work on someone who also has a Glittery HooHa.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 9:17 pm JulieB said...

Lani wrote
“Kinda like how breasts hold so much fascination for the men in our lives, and to us they mostly just make it difficult to sleep on our stomachs.”
Well, some of us anyway.
I think way back Victoria wondered if the reverse role could happen for men. Could the male have the glitter in the story. I initially thought no, but then later today thought of “Moulin Rouge.” We know the hero has a “fine talent,” but he is the innocent in that story. Does Satine possess a GHH? She is named “The Sparkling Diamond.” (Although I’m forever doomed to say that with a lisp now.) Or, does Christian in fact have a GHooHoo serving essenially the same purpose?
It could be argued that although Satine is aware of her glitteriness before, she is still unaware of her true self. . .
Is anyone else depressed by the Hephaestus story?

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 9:18 pm Terri said...

An example of a heroine who knows and uses the power of GHH would be Blair Mallory in Linda Howard’s To Die For and Drop Dead Gorgeous. The hero does make Blair doubt the glitteriness of her HH at the beginning of To Die For. Then she makes him pay it for a half and another book worth.

In Drop Dead Gorgeous, the old girlfriend who has sampled the Magic Hoo Hoo tries to eliminate the GHH to get the Magic Hoo Hoo back.

Just a thought.

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 9:21 pm micki said...

Well, I noticed someone already used “All that glitters is not gold.” (-: I was going to say that that means the GHH can apply to redheads as well as blondes.

I wanted to say that the GHH is a myth with a wide female audience. We swallow the story that there’s one Golden Rod out there that will make all other rods pale and obsolete. So, it’s a short jump for the female reader to think that guys are also looking for the Golden Grail (aka the GHH). My support was going to be Ben Franklin’s quip: “All cats are grey in the dark.” BUT, it looks like guys *do* buy into the One True Hoo-ha thing, too. (Aristophane was a guy, too, wasn’t he?)

OK, so glitter doesn’t shine in the dark. Maybe it needs the light of day (and all the other things besides sex and a body part) to really make it glow, and makes a man or a woman want to forsake all others and cleave unto one.

(-: I love the idea of a glitter explosion. All that love backing up for 20 years, ready to be set off by the right guy.

Could it be possible that the Supernatural Guy is aging, and his hormones allow him to think about other things than Hoo-Has (glittery or otherwise)? I would think that the idea of being able to relax and be Supernatural with a scholar who understands him would be a great relief. (-: And if she’s got GHH, well, that clinches the deal(-:.

It seems to me that a GHH heroine really only has one thing going for her. Fun Heroine seems to have a lot more than just kindness and golden orgasms.

Just rambling here. (-: This post/comments section was such a fun way to spend my morning!

Thumb up 0

On April 11, 2007 at 10:10 pm Marilyn said...

When I saw “Glittery HooHa” I really thought you were going to tell this story:

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.

Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and
gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” I didn’t respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?” I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.”

Never going back to that doctor ever.

Now that’s a glittery hooha. ;-)

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 4:30 am Theresa said...

Hehehe..ROFL!! Great post and comments everyone! I’ve got to find some way to save all this for posterity. I would totally read this paper, whoever ends up writing it.

So I was thinking that in addition to saving up all that glitter, Char is a geek. She knows how to research…things. (There have been several discussions on this over at SmartBitches, and so what if she’s a female geek.) Once she decides she wants Sam, I think she will do the research, do..ah..Sam, and with all that glitter backed up by research, Sam will be a gonner.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 8:35 am me said...

BCB: I’ll never look at Dr. Suess the same way again.

Bryan: LOL

Marilyn, I thought about that story too.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 10:27 am Andrea said...

When Lani said…

“I have decided, after much consternation and discussion and argument with Jenny, that HooHa is the feminine and HooHoo is the masculine and HoHo is a delicious chocolately dessert pastry.”

I spit fruit punch crystal light all over my keyboard. Like coffee, I think it, too, is bad for electronics. This is an awesome theory. You should present on this at RWA in SF for sure. I love it…

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 11:57 am Bryan said...

Okay, I spent a lot of time last night thinking about HooHa. And now I have a question: is it possible that some HooHa, now matter how it’s presented, dressed, and prettied up, will never be glittery? Or is every HooHa glittery to someone?

I suppose my question boils down to: is all HooHa created equal?

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 12:07 pm Jenny said...

There is someone for everyone, Bryan. Therefore ask not for who the Hooha glitters, it glitters for its one true love.

Of course, no man is a Hooha, entire of himself . . .

And now I’m thinking of the HooHa on the hill in Tennessee, round upon the ground, as the wilderness rose up around it. And she walks in beauty like the night, and all the stars are in . . .

Much of great literature is coded HooHa worship, if you ask me. Not that this is news to anybody who’s studied literature.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 12:16 pm Bryan said...

So, even the HooHa of the villianess glitters for someone?

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 12:30 pm McB said...

Jenny said … Of course, no man is a Hooha, entire of himself . . .

Well …. On second thought I’m not even touching that one.

Bryan, power has always been an aphrodiasic.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 1:07 pm JulieB said...

Bryan Wrote:
“So, even the HooHa of the villianess glitters for someone?”

Yes, or the HooHoo, even if lost on a battlefield, still calls to the One True Love.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 1:12 pm me said...

Well Bryan, you have succeeded in depressing me. It’s possible that no matter how much glitter I have, it’ll never be enough? Well, that explains a lot, actually. Sigh…

Thanks Jenny. I knew you and John Donne (sort of) could make it all better.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 1:49 pm Bryan said...

me,

You forget, I have yet to come in contact with HooHa that glitters. That simply means that I am not so captured by HooHa that I would be unaware when confronted by HooHa of the glittery sort. I think at this stage of my life I would welcome the glitter. Shiny is nice, but it’s not glitter.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 2:06 pm Lou said...

I laughed so hard while reading this it created much attention here at work. It was impossible to explain my hysterics, so my credibility as a sane person has now been compromised. However, it may get me out of some work, so it’s probably a good thing.

Bryan – I wish you much glitter in your future.

me – you have plenty of glitter – all the CB’s know that. You just haven’t stumbled across THE ONE who appreciates it yet.

Thank you, Lani, Jenny, and Laura for your extremely valuable insight regarding the GHH – and the laughs, of course.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 3:00 pm Bryan said...

Update on geeks in Wired

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 3:01 pm Bryan said...

Sorry, go here for the link.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 3:07 pm ZaZa said...

Lani, if you’re still here…I just finished rereading Ex and the Single Girl. And this is a serious suggestion, why don’t you do something on “The Flyer” and the GHH? What better illustration of the power of the GHH than that?

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 7:08 pm Ingrid said...

When I first read Jenny’s post on the GHH, I remembered reading something about that from the male perspective. Sincee I read it in my impressionable youth, when I still remembered books after I finished them, I was able to track it down. It was in a novella by Harry Mulisch, one of the GOMs of Dutch literature. Quite a few of his books have been translated into English, but not this one, so you get the relevant passages in my no doubt poor translation:

“What does someone think about who is almost fifty, a chemical engineer by profession, father of two nearly grown children, but whose wife says that she doesn’t want to? His situation is desperate and grotesque, and he knows it. He could sleep with all kinds of women he meets through his work, but he only wants his wife. Judging from the way his colleagues talk, that is the wrong way round. But his wife only manages to do it if she’s been drinking, and of course that does not count: after all, half the pleasure is knowing that the other person wants it too. If she doesn’t, it’s close to prostitution, – as if he were turning the mother of his children into a whore by sleeping with her.” [from chapter 4]

Description of the first time they slept together, when he was a student and she a schoolgirl, from chapter 15:

“Sitting behind him on his bicycle, an arm round his waist and a cheek against his back, she rode back with him to his room, where they slept together. Unfortunately this bald statement will have to do, for the secret she turned out to possess (a small cramp in the depths of her body, a rare anatomic fact, a coincidence, to which he was addicted for the rest of his life) is indescribable.”

From Oude lucht [Old air] (Amsterdam, 1977).

So there you have it, the prosaic description of the GHH as written by a man. It exists.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 7:23 pm orangehands said...

this was much more fascinating than class, that’s for sure.

GHH. the gift that keeps on giving.

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 7:54 pm Anne Gracie said...

Where I come from (Australia) Hoo-Ha is a term meaning a lot of fuss about nothing. In fact I can remember national newspaper headlines saying ‘A lot of hoo-ha says prime minister’s wife”

This post brings a whole new meaning to those headlines… ;-)

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 8:33 pm Stressed-Out Cherry said...

Orangehands said, “GHH. the gift that keeps on giving.”

I thought that was the Spotted HooHa?

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 8:41 pm Jenny said...

Anne, over here, that Hoo-RA, as in a lot of hoo ra about nothing.

Now I really want that headline framed . . .

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 10:20 pm micki said...

(-: Ingrid, that was beautiful and very sweet and sad.

(claps hands together)
I believe in the Glittery Hoo-ha.

(claps again)
I believe in the Glittery Hoo-hoo, too.

(claps a third time)
Now, where the hell did I put those Ho-hos?

Thumb up 0

On April 12, 2007 at 11:14 pm Phyllis said...

Anne Gracie wrote: “Where I come from (Australia) Hoo-Ha is a term meaning a lot of fuss about nothing. In fact I can remember national newspaper headlines saying ‘A lot of hoo-ha says prime minister’s wife””

Some of us over here in the USA say that, too, though I’d more often say “hoop-la”. I hadn’t linked the two words and my mind is now reeling.

Thumb up 0

On April 13, 2007 at 1:17 am G and T said...

OK, I read it all, top to bottom and I have two questions:
1. What the hell is LSHMTPO? I googled it, and the only thing that came up was the Argh Ink blog entry.

2. Char’s mud brown sweater I can take but DRAB, SENSIBLE shoes? C’mon! Would not fabulous Italian suede pointy loafers give a whisper of a hint of a GHH?

Thumb up 0

On April 13, 2007 at 8:22 am GatorPerson said...

Well, I’ve got a real dilemma. In my normal speaking, I refer to the Powers-That-Be of whatever I’m talking or speaking about as hoohas. Usually men. Really. Now I’ve got to consider change some fundamentals in my communication style.

Thumb up 0

On April 13, 2007 at 9:07 am Jenny said...

GP, I think you meant Poohbahs. As in Grand Poohbas. Which I think is Gilbert and Sullivan.

So I went to the Wikipedia:
Pooh-bah is a term that originates from Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Mikado. In this operetta, the haughty character Pooh-Bah holds numerous exalted offices, including Lord Chief Justice, Master of the Buckhounds, Lord High Auditor, Groom of the Back Stairs, and Lord High Everything Else. The name has come to be used as a mocking title for someone self-important or high-ranking and who exhibits an inflated self-regard.

Thumb up 0

On April 13, 2007 at 9:29 am BCB said...

Not to be confused with Pooh-bear, who is cute and cuddly.

Thumb up 0

On April 13, 2007 at 10:05 am JulieB said...

Anne Gracie wrote: “Where I come from (Australia) Hoo-Ha is a term meaning a lot of fuss about nothing. In fact I can remember national newspaper headlines saying ‘A lot of hoo-ha says prime minister’s wife””

Phyllis wrote: “Some of us over here in the USA say that, too, though I’d more often say “hoop-la”. I hadn’t linked the two words and my mind is now reeling.”

Well, to keep you spinning, in this corner of the Midwest, one might say ‘That’s a lot of Hooey.’ which translates as, “That’s a bunch of baloney,” which we all know looks like a wiener before it’s packaged.

Didn’t Fred Flintstone want to be the Grand Poobah of the Water Buffalo lodge?

Thumb up 0

On April 13, 2007 at 10:33 am K.L. said...

G&T,
Bryan clarified that exact question for me over at the CB B&G. LSHMTPO = laughing so hard my teeth popped out.

There’s an image.

Thumb up 0

On April 13, 2007 at 1:11 pm Bob said...

Men and women are different.

Thumb up 0

On April 13, 2007 at 1:31 pm Jenny said...

Ladies and gentlemen, my writing partner.
Insight is his middle name.

And this post keeps locking up on me, so please continue comments on here, after K.L. Thank you.

Thumb up 0

On April 13, 2007 at 1:34 pm K.L. said...

I’m so glad Bob noticed that small detail.

Thumb up 0

3 Pings to 'Modern Literary Terms: The Glittery HooHa'

On 10 Feb 10 at 7:17 am Lucy March » Blog Archive » 482: Vajazzled pinged...

[...] conversation without thinking to make the one joke that was begging to be made, a reference to the Glittery HooHa. In our defense, it was low-hanging fruit, but still… « For all the [...]

Thumb up 0

On 26 Oct 10 at 4:33 am Choppy Thought Sunday | Lani Diane Rich pinged...

[...] read her books, but I WILL because she did a hilarious little tapdance referencing the Glittery HooHa (which is a completely legitimate literary term and is actively being written up in a real [...]

Thumb up 0

On 18 Jan 11 at 5:47 pm The Glittery Hoo-Hah of Cookies « Flour Child Baking pinged...

[...] one of my favorite romance novel tropes is the Glittery Hoo-Hah. To quote Lanie Daine Rich “one dip and you’re done.” Which basically means that [...]

Thumb up 0